Strange times...

[chris1]

Last night there was an advert for a program on TV and it started with a voice saying "Imagine that the next 20 seconds were the last 20 seconds of your life. What would you think about? You would probably think of your family and friends...etc". What I honestly thought was: "What, I have to wait 20 seconds?". Which kind of made me laugh. Then I laughed a the fact that I was laughing.

A couple of years ago I split up with my girlfriend and due to the logistical situation things were very difficult and it wasn't very nice. I bounced back by deciding that I was going to live my life to the full and do all the things I'd always said I was going to do. I sorted out my life and felt fulfilled and happy. I then met a girl and we both really liked each other and had something pretty good. After about 4 months she promptly dumped me for no particular reason other than she couldn't handle being in a relationship, which pissed me off quite a bit. I also thought we were good friends but she doesn't want to know. And what exactly was it I saw in her, I wonder?

Now I have a problem with life because, of course, I now feel like there's a big hole in my life and all the stuff that used to make me happy seems pointless. In general I have a pretty good life. I have a loving family, friends, good health, a new job which pays me well, other interests in sport and such, and am just about to move house to somewhere I've wanted to live for a while. So I can't complain except for the fact that I am missing the contents of this hole that I am left with.

And the more I think about this the worse it gets, and I keep thinking about it so it keeps on getting worse. I find myself asking "Why?" and having no answers. When I find myself alone, say just watching TV, life seems so pointless. Why am I sat here watching this mindless drivel? Well I could go out and say, play football. But then why would I want to chase a ball around a field? Why are we all just knocking around this planet doing pointless stuff like: going to work, doing the shopping, doing the washing, and all the other incredibly boring things that we do? Sure, every now and again I do something good that I enjoy, but it must account for about 1% of my life. If life was a pastime, you probably wouldn't bother because it would be (and let's be generous) 95% boring (1/3 of which you're unconscious) with 5% enjoyment. So then I started thinking, what on earth is the point of all this? I'm really actually finding it hard to be bothered to get up in the morning. I think it's the first time I've not been scared of dying and this is pretty much because I think that either there is nothing, or that there at least a chance that there might be something less pointless than the current situation, and hence the 20 seconds incident.

Why am I writing this? I don't know, it's probably pointless! Well, maybe I also thought that perhaps other people might have felt the same and could offer some advice or thoughts. You might have noticed that the light-hearted tone in which this was written, so don't worry I shalln't be throwing myself off any buildings or anything, however, this is still a very dark time in my life!

[hockeyboy]

you sound like me...we think to much. when you find the right girl and have your own family...everything will have a point. everything you do in some way shape or form will be related back to them. you work...to provide for them. you make sure you drive safer so you can be there for them...what you eat makes a difference. you wanna be healthy, live longer, be there for them. these or small things..but like i said, everything will relate back to them. so everything will have a point. just look at is this way...even though they are not there now...they will be. so now your preparing yourself for that future. thats how i look at it. i dont know where my future wife is...but i know it will be great...and i cant wait to have my family.

[maynards_razorblade69]

I happen to disagree to the post hockeyboy made. I don't think that when you get yourself a girl etc, things will be better. I think that before you even CONSIDER having a girlfriend, you have to get your life back in order.

You're being too pessimistic, seriously, wake up in the morning and think to yourself, something wonderful COULD happen today, and MAKE it happen.

When I walk into a lesson, if I think to myself, Oh God, save me now please, *sob* I hate this lesson, it's going to be awful..." I always hate the lesson. But if I walk into a lesson thinking, "YES!!! I've waited all day for this blimmin lesson and thank God it's finally come around! I'm gonna enjoy like...hmm, like it's the last 20 seconds of my life!" Then I always enjoy it.

Go into whatever you're doing with a positive attitude and things will be fine. Remember, misery is optional, it depends on what YOU want.

But here, I'm rambling, take life as it is and make something fun out of something good, always.

Take care, all the best

Lottie

xxxx

[DBL]

Chris1,

 

I'm with you on this.

 

When i was younger I feared no death, I thought I was immortal forever.

As I became older I started fearing death and illness after one of my x girlfriends died of cancer at 28

.

After losing my job, my business, my wife, my car, my boat, my truck, home, and my friends, I don't fear death anymore. Years ago when I was down, I would think "well, tomorrow is another day, things will be better". I don't see that any more. I already know tomorrow is not going to be a better day, after all it hasn't in year, why tomorrow?lol.

 

Anyway...you are not alone. I have no advice for you except to seek some professional help, they may give you some meds that will get you by, or if the professional is good, he might help you realize why you feel this way. They can also prescribe some tests for a chemical imbalances and stuff.

 

Good Luck

DBL

[ShySoul]

Chris,

 

I too have felt like life is pointless and nothing I do really matters. But it does matter, even if its in some way we can't yet see. The smallest act can have an big impact on ourselves and on others. Find something you like doing, or something you used to like doing before you got in this nothing matters mood. I would suggest volunteering someplace. It can be a remarkably rewarding experience to know that some small act you do truly helps someone else out. Maybe work with kids from a troubled background. Help out at a soup kitchen and see how much your helping the poor and homeless. You'll be making a difference in people's lives and will also feel better about yourself. And think positive. Life does matter.

[DBL]

Those are only temporary fixes. When the volenteer work is over for the day it right back to the same routine. If you can't learn to deal with the issues you have, throwing in tempory distractions probably won't help much. It is really just avoiding the issue. Chris needs to get some professional help to help figure out why he feels this way.

 

DBL

[chris1]

Thanks for the replies and advice everyone. I'm still not sure where to go from here. I'll write back again in a bit...

[ShySoul]

Professional help could just be a temporary fix as well. I know people who see doctors, counselors, ect. but there problem never really gets better. Taking medicine has never struck me as being a solution either. If someone is depressed then they need to address what is bothering them, not take some pill. I find that helping others and seeing that I've made a difference in someone's life gives a sense of accomplishment, like something I did actually mattered in this world. It really comes down to what the individual thinks is the right choice for them. They are the one who ultimately has to figure out why they are feeling a certain way and what they are going to do about it.

 

Anyway, good luck Chris and hope you feel better. Let us know how things work out.

[DBL]

Everything is a temporary fix, but if there is a chemical inbalance then medication may be his only escape. I recommend a professional so chris can get these tests done and take it from there. If it is not an inbalance then maybe your suggestion would work, but if it is, then your suggestion probably would not do much.

 

DBL

[chris1]

It's difficult to know what to say now. One of the strange things is that, like I said before for the most part I can't complain about my life and I also have lots of interests, especially in sport, so I have lots to do to keep me occupied. It's just that all these things that you would ordinarily think would be enjoyable just aren't anymore. I think I'm having a "mid-life crisis" (at 29!). I think I feel like I want to do something with my life that actaully matters, whatever that would be. I'm fed up with the dreariness of the daily routine. I've started to think that I need new challenges in my life. I think it's partly to do with the way our society works and how we all conform to rules and preconceptions and we're all the same and we all do the same stuff. I feel like I've got a fire inside me burning to get out and do something exciting - I want to feel some fear. F*ck, this really is a mid-life crisis. Now I understand why random middle-aged people suddenly decide to go and climb Mount Everest having done nothing but sat on their backsides all their lives.

 

I read a little quote on the internet today (from Winona Ryder, of all people):

 

'Susanna captures a mood we've all experienced,' explains Winona. 'It's like a reflective time we've all had in our lives, whether to kill ourselves, whether to be miserable or move on,' she says. 'You go through spells where you feel that maybe you're too sensitive for this world. I certainly felt that.

 

Kind of summed it up really. Question is, which one do you choose?!!