chris1

>I fear that someday I would wind up suffering just like my >parents by blindly following their ideals. So why follow their ideals? Most of us have a natural respect for our parents, but what they believe isn't necessarily true, correct or what's best or right for you. You are not your parents, you are your own person. You are different to them and you're living your life in a different time to them. We are all different and we all need to choose our own path through life. It doesn't mean that any one of us is right or wrong. >I fear that one day they will die thinking I didn't do anything >worthwhile with my life. Well that depends on their and your definition of "worthwhile". What they may consider to be worthwhile is not necessarily what you consider it to be. In the end it doesn't matter what they think. The most important thing is to live your life by your own beliefs, make your own mistakes, create your own success and be your own person. Why do you feel you need to follow your parent's ideals?

Apart from "this thing" with "this girl", what exactly are you scared of?

Why is it that you think that you have a lack of ambition? It seems to me like you have plenty. It sounds like (and this is not a criticism) you are scared to go after what you want? As for this girl, I don't think it's a very good idea to let her read your posts. If she doesn't feel the same way then she will probably be a little bit freaked out and that could easily spell the end of your friendship as you know it. If something is going to happen then it will, otherwise just appreciate her friendship.

Resistance training is just another name for weight training (the weight being the "resistance"). At home you can do calisthenics (press-ups, sit-ups, squats etc) and can use dumbells. However, generally you would want to be doing about 10 reps per set for a particular exercise which you would probably find too easy after a while just doing calisthenics. The only option then is to go to the gym where there are heavier weights available. If you want any more specific advice, just ask...

DBL No offense taken. Don't get me wrong, I agree with most of what you say, and it wasn't really you I was taking issue with. I think you misunderstood my point. I wasn't saying that it doesn't matter which foods you eat, clearly it does. What I was trying to indicate is that the reason people are fat is because they are consuming more calories than they are using and these calories are being stored as fat, and that * in terms of weight gain/loss * it doesn't really matter whether these calories come from. If you don't use them, you will store them. My pet hate is when people say that lowering fat and sugar in your diet will cause you to lose fat, because if you do this but still eat the same amount of calories (for example in pasta, or lettuce if you could stomach a whole one!) then you will not lose weight. High GI foods are useful for restoring glycogen levels in post exercise recovery, for example, and do not necessarily lead to weight gain. You said: "So to say the "only" way to lose weight is by using more calories then what you consume on a regular basis is not only unrealistic, but may also be damaging" Assuming that "weight" here actually refers to "fat", then how else is it possible?! The only other option is that you are consuming the same or more calories than you are using, and if excess calories are stored as fat then you cannot possibly lose fat. thereforeeee that statement must be true, not "unrealistic". There are of course various different methods of achieving this... I don't think it's damaging to reduce slightly the amount you eat and do aerobic exercise. As far as I understand it the body will only break down significant amounts of muscle tissue for energy in the case that all glycogen stores have been depleted, for example in prolonged intense exercise (essentially overtraining). This may be an issue for pro athletes, but most novices wouldn't come anywhere near this. I disagree that doing this can cause you to gain fat. As I understand it, this only happens if your body becomes starved of glycogen and enters a starvation state, but this would only happen if you "crash diet", which is not what I'm suggesting. You should be able to reduce your calorific intake to just below the amount you are using which avoids this starvation reaction yet depletes your fat stores. I understood that aerobic training burns more calories at the time of training than resistance training because the lower intensity means that the exercise is far more prolonged than for resistance training, which results in an overall greater number of calories burned. However, as you said, increased muscle mass from resistance training increases the overall RMR resulting in more calories used when resting. It may be useful to combine both types of exercise? Chris

It's difficult to know what to say now. One of the strange things is that, like I said before for the most part I can't complain about my life and I also have lots of interests, especially in sport, so I have lots to do to keep me occupied. It's just that all these things that you would ordinarily think would be enjoyable just aren't anymore. I think I'm having a "mid-life crisis" (at 29!). I think I feel like I want to do something with my life that actaully matters, whatever that would be. I'm fed up with the dreariness of the daily routine. I've started to think that I need new challenges in my life. I think it's partly to do with the way our society works and how we all conform to rules and preconceptions and we're all the same and we all do the same stuff. I feel like I've got a fire inside me burning to get out and do something exciting - I want to feel some fear. F*ck, this really is a mid-life crisis. Now I understand why random middle-aged people suddenly decide to go and climb Mount Everest having done nothing but sat on their backsides all their lives. I read a little quote on the internet today (from Winona Ryder, of all people): 'Susanna captures a mood we've all experienced,' explains Winona. 'It's like a reflective time we've all had in our lives, whether to kill ourselves, whether to be miserable or move on,' she says. 'You go through spells where you feel that maybe you're too sensitive for this world. I certainly felt that. Kind of summed it up really. Question is, which one do you choose?!!

Ok I have to add my two penneth as this is a little pet hate of mine! The *only* way to lose weight is to use more calories than you consume on a regular basis. In terms of losing weight, it doesn't matter whether you consume those calories in Mars bars, or in pasta or lettuce. You can eat 2000 calories of chocolate every day, and as long as you use 2100 every day, you will eventually end up very skinny. Conversely, if you could consume 2200 calories of lettuce per day you would end up very fat. However, as well as calorific content, food also consists of other useful stuff such as vitamins, fibre, and protein etc. thereforeeee, I'd recommend that you don't live of Mars bars and you make sure you get your calories from food that provides these other benefits, such as vegetables, grains, fruit, meat etc. So, all you have to do is to simply either cut down the number of calories you eat and/or increase the number of calories you use. As exercise is in general quite good for you I would suggest you start to do some exercise and reduce slightly the amount of food you are eating. There is no need to radically change your lifestyle and infact I would suggest that you don't because if you do you will probably find it hard to stick to the changes. Eat a balanced diet, reduce your portions slightly and try to do around 20 mins exercise per day, such as walking, jogging, cycling (depending on your level of fitness). If you buy some accurate scales and weigh yourself at the same time each day (usually when you get out of bed) then you will be able to track your progress and adjust your lifestyle accordingly. Give it a few months and you should make great progress.

You can certainly become addicted to pain killers and sleeping medications, and as Nyquil contains both of those I would expect that it would be very possible to become addicted to that too. It certainly sounds like you have developed an addiction. One thing for sure is that you can't go on as you are doing as it will only get worse. If I were you I would speak to a doctor, or alternatively if you don't want to do that you should try to slowly lower the amount you are taking over a couple of weeks until you stop taking it altogether. If you just try to stop straight away you will probably experience quite severe withdrawal symptoms which then just encourages you to take more. It sounds like you are currently under stress or suffering from anxiety (possibly brought on by the Nyquil) and I understand that this can often cause chest pains. Again, I'd suggest you speak to a doctor about that though, just to be sure.

Thanks for the replies and advice everyone. I'm still not sure where to go from here. I'll write back again in a bit...

Last night there was an advert for a program on TV and it started with a voice saying "Imagine that the next 20 seconds were the last 20 seconds of your life. What would you think about? You would probably think of your family and friends...etc". What I honestly thought was: "What, I have to wait 20 seconds?". Which kind of made me laugh. Then I laughed a the fact that I was laughing. A couple of years ago I split up with my girlfriend and due to the logistical situation things were very difficult and it wasn't very nice. I bounced back by deciding that I was going to live my life to the full and do all the things I'd always said I was going to do. I sorted out my life and felt fulfilled and happy. I then met a girl and we both really liked each other and had something pretty good. After about 4 months she promptly dumped me for no particular reason other than she couldn't handle being in a relationship, which pissed me off quite a bit. I also thought we were good friends but she doesn't want to know. And what exactly was it I saw in her, I wonder? Now I have a problem with life because, of course, I now feel like there's a big hole in my life and all the stuff that used to make me happy seems pointless. In general I have a pretty good life. I have a loving family, friends, good health, a new job which pays me well, other interests in sport and such, and am just about to move house to somewhere I've wanted to live for a while. So I can't complain except for the fact that I am missing the contents of this hole that I am left with. And the more I think about this the worse it gets, and I keep thinking about it so it keeps on getting worse. I find myself asking "Why?" and having no answers. When I find myself alone, say just watching TV, life seems so pointless. Why am I sat here watching this mindless drivel? Well I could go out and say, play football. But then why would I want to chase a ball around a field? Why are we all just knocking around this planet doing pointless stuff like: going to work, doing the shopping, doing the washing, and all the other incredibly boring things that we do? Sure, every now and again I do something good that I enjoy, but it must account for about 1% of my life. If life was a pastime, you probably wouldn't bother because it would be (and let's be generous) 95% boring (1/3 of which you're unconscious) with 5% enjoyment. So then I started thinking, what on earth is the point of all this? I'm really actually finding it hard to be bothered to get up in the morning. I think it's the first time I've not been scared of dying and this is pretty much because I think that either there is nothing, or that there at least a chance that there might be something less pointless than the current situation, and hence the 20 seconds incident. Why am I writing this? I don't know, it's probably pointless! Well, maybe I also thought that perhaps other people might have felt the same and could offer some advice or thoughts. You might have noticed that the light-hearted tone in which this was written, so don't worry I shalln't be throwing myself off any buildings or anything, however, this is still a very dark time in my life!