So many mixed signals !

[giraffeprint]

So I do have other posts if you want the gritty details of my BU but to summarize

- my ex called us off about 2 weeks ago; we weren't officially dating just in a rekindle stage after 8 months of NC

* For the past 2 weeks she has been sending some very mixed signals . *

 

For starters , I left her alone for a week and she texts me asking me to call her that night bc she's " not okay ". I got so worried bc I know she can be an emotional wreck so I did. *

 

Then we hung out the other day she cooked me dinner , I ended up falling asleep at her place and left in the morning.

 

Yesterday she texted me telling me she felt very alone . That her two main friends have been flaking on her and her close male friend has proposed his love for her. She says she feels like she has no real friends . She told me she was sorry she didnt want to be in a relationship bc she knows that I would be the best for her right now ? *

 

I got kind of pissed, conversation escalated and died down hours later . How could you tell me you don't want to be with me the contact me with that? *

 

So before our end I was helping her find another job , she calls me yesterday bc she just got hired. She asked me to come over to see some new decorations and I bull * * * * ted an excuse about my car to avoid it.

 

She decided to come over last night . It was like 1230a , I had work in the morning so we just kind of slept .But she was kind of all over me the whole night. I tried my best to keep it cool but everyone knows how hard that is. She texted me after I dropped her home saying " thanks for having me over love you!!" *

 

Is this girl stuck on stupid ? Lol. I know I definitely shouldn't be feeding into her but she wasn't contacting me with lightweight stuff like a cat stuck in a tree , I care about her too much to let her hurt herself.

 

I'm just too convinced this girl is confused . I want to take a step back bc I'm beginning to question myself if I want this at all in my life . I'm just not sure what to think of the situation. *

 

Moving forward how do i avoid the conversations without being an ass and blatantly ignoring her ( it's way too obvious) *

[Kristenelaine]

Just let her know that she has made you uncomfortable with her actions. Tell her you need some time to think. Ask her where she stands and tell her she better think about it so she is clear about what she wants. Dont be rude, and dont ignore her. Just be honest. Tell her that she cannot come over or call you any time she pleases acting like nothing is wrong.

[DN]

Tell her that if she wants to get back together with you in a proper relationship you will consider that but you are not going to be used as she is using you now. Phrase it less bluntly than that of course but that is the clear intent you need her to understand.

[giraffeprint]

Yeah I was definitely thinking that .im like ready to begin my ignore streak today as I'm thinking to myself " how long does she honestly think this is gonna go on for?". I guess I'll tell her when she contacts me again. Any insight on what you think she may be feeling ? Or why she seems so flip flop - unless I'm reading into it and that's not really happening ?

[Kristenelaine]

She could be feeling a mixture of things. If it were me, and I was going back and forth, it would just be because I didnt know what I wanted. You need to cut her off and make her make a decision. She is getting eevrtying she wants right now. Bring single..and having your attention

[giraffeprint]

That's what I imagined but everytime I tell her it seems like she doesn't know what she wants , she gets super defensive and tells me im not respecting her decision ?

 

I realized I'm letting her have her cake and eat it too. But it's only because I know how she lets her emotions control her and I was honestly concerned about her safety. But I know I shouldn't have gone to her place at all or even allowed her to come over last night .

 

Maybe I'll just text her telling her I need my space that I still feel like she's unsure of what she wants and she should take the time as well to figure out her emotions . I can't keep doing this little dance we're doing , and try to end the text so there is nothing to respond to?

 

But idk sometimes I feel like saying too much hinders the natural effects of the situation . ? If that makes sense

[Kristenelaine]

Yea, you have to be careful with texts and what you say. I think telling her that she needs to sort herself out and so do you is good enough. I am an emotional woman as well, so I have been there. But you are absolutely right to tell her that she needs to sort out her emotions. Let he know that she can call you when she really knows what she wants because you wont sit here and deal with the back and forth anymore.

[Giblesp]

I have been in a situation roughly similar, see my thread.

I got in touch with what I wanted and needed, a woman who returns the feelings I have for her. Unless those feelings are returned, there's not going to be any relationship stability and it can't work. You can't get comfortable and share life together.

 

If you've been in love, you'll know that when a woman loves you, it's like being hit by a tidal wave. NOTHING will stop her. Not time, not space.

If you keep settling for what she gives you but not what you want, you actually become less attractive as a man. For me, no matter how much I tried to play it cool, every cell of me was screaming for her, and she could sense that. I'd get needy, longing for her.

 

The best thing is to call it a day. Tell her you love her but you have to go.

It's very difficult and a one way trip into the heart of the pain we're all trying to avoid. (Believe me when I say, I've been bouncing off walls for 3 days now) But she'll actually respect you for it, you'll respect you for it and the next girl will respect you for it.

 

If you and this girl are meant to be, the only way for it to work is for you to stand up for your needs. And if she can't meet them right now after 8 months, she is not the girl for you.

[giraffeprint]

Thank you! Its been confirmed that what we're doing is unhealthy . I'm still in a space where I'm unsure if I want a relationship or not, or even why I want it (I'm beginning to think its bc of guilt and comfort). I'm hoping that she's seeing her mixed signals for herself instead of me having to tell her another time.( since I tried to keep my distance last night and haven't responded to her love you text this morning ) I'm going to give her a chance to speak up before I say anything . Hopefully this works out . I know she's mentioned to me before that she wanted to experience new things and didn't want to feel like she's only been with one person, as I've done a lot more dating . I'm just assuming she's torn in between the two right now . I'll definitely be letting her know that she needs to make a concrete decision in the near future and

Hopefully it works out

[giraffeprint]

That's another thing Giblesp, I know the needy and clingy feeling and I'm not there anymore . Even down to contact, i only speak to her now when she initiates. It's actually been a lot easier to keep my cool around her since I had that first week to myself . But you're right I definitely shouldn't be settling bc though im not sure what I want I know a friendship is something I don't want . I dont want to give the All or Nothing ultimatum but that's where I'm at now

[giraffeprint]

i posted a new thread of how the conversation went , maybe you guys can still help!