Getting back AT your ex !! (Revenge)

[Ated]

What is the 'nicest' way of giving your beastly ex a taste of their own medicince in the most painful way??

 

I was told that it is to treat them nicely. I do not know if this will do. I am still in the process of healing (after 5 motnsh) and i actually got the call we've all been waiting for from the ex. I do not know why he has called, but i wish he didnt. Its weird cos for 5 months, every single day i think of this man, and now he has called. He does have a new gf. Apprently she is eager to meet me.

 

I do not know how to deal with this situation. I was told to just ignore him. Not pick up his call or if i do, act busy. Never make plans with him. I did ask him yesterday whether he felt nothing for me and he said 'no'. I mean, he does have a new gf. WHAT I DONT UNDERSTAND IS? why call now?!?! his reason is to be 'friends'. Is that good enough? should i be his 'friend'?

 

When we broke up he was VERY hurtful. Very harsh to say the least. I even had to 'beg' for his friensdship even though i know i did nothing wrong!

 

POINT IS: Now that the power has shifted, how do i use this to my advantage? He hasnt apologised for his actions... and i havent told him things that are still in my chest. I think that i should to have my closure, but im afraid he''ll just hang up or wahtver.

 

Also, what does this action mean? he has a gf but he wants me to be his friend... AFTER WHAT HES PUT ME THROUGH? omg... I feel that he probably is realising that i was a 'deserving' girl. I dunno! you guys tell me... Either that or he wants to use me as a back-up in case things wont work out with the new gf. THAT IS NOT ON!

 

HELP. I NEED REVENGE!

[Beec]

Why do you need revenge? Because you want to get him back, but for what. For breaking up with you?

 

If you don't want to be friends, then don't. Nothing wrong with not being friends.

 

But revenge? Why would that be good for you? Maybe you meet his new woman and get it so she dumps him. Where does that get you? And what happens if he tells the next guy you want what you did? Maybe that guy will be scared off.

[RayKay]

I have to echo Beec here...why do you want revenge?

 

I honestly see no reason in getting revenge on someone - they are human, he had his reasons for the breakup (they don't have to be right in your eyes, but they are still his).

 

Revenge does not make you a better person, nor will it give you closure or peace on this relationship.

 

If you don't want to be friends, don't. If you do, then see if he wants the same.

[Ated]

Man oh man... I want revenge for MANY things he's done. ACtually not for breaking up with me, but the hell he put me through... He did me a favour breaking up with me. Its just that i want revenge cos i loved this guy for he is, then dumps me saying 'i promised my parents i cant date you cos your filipino' (he is sri lankan) and then he said that he wants to focus in his studies and stuff... and then what do you know? A MOTNH after (15 motnsh of our r'ship) he replaces me with an indian girl. How can that be?? he kept telling me 'my parents this my parents that' 'i cant disapppoint them' But NOW... he smokes, he drinks, he goes clubbing 3 times a week.

 

He use to be a good boy, i loved him for his personality nothing else... I agve him EVERYTHING.... then he dropped me like that. It was such a slap in the face. he told me 'i have no love for you, im so far awy from you' 'go find someone who loves u, dont wait for me' 'i want u out of my life'

 

Then just as whenim getting my life back togteher! he calls out of the blue!!!

[Emmylu]

You wrote: "Now that the power has shifted, how do i use this to my advantage?"

 

No, the power has not shifted at all. That phone call was just something casual for him, maybe he called 'cos he was just bored. But his phone call meant a lot for YOU.

 

You're not gonna get your revenge for as long as you still want revenge.

[Ated]

Ok i think im coming off in a bad way.

 

What i simply want is show him that i have changed. I will no longer tolerate him using me as his doormat. Using me to fix up whatever mess he has gotten into. I mean, when he came to australia he did not knwo anyoone... I opened him up, introduced him to a few friends so he would feel welcomed and stuff. AFter he settled down a bit, then he just dumped me... Hes pragmatic... and i was hurt. I have been used, abused and he knows that! He knows that he can easily manipulate me cos im too caring...

 

I did ask for your advice but so far all the responses have been quite negative... I spose i should just let him treat me bad again. He didnt respect me before.... maybe ill just be his door mat then

 

Im really not like this. Im actually TOO nice... and ppl have been advicing me to fight fire with fire, NOW that i do... everyone is hating me for it.

 

I DUNNO this is driving me nuts

[Emmylu]

I think you didn't understand that we're trying to steer you away from revenge for your own good. There's no judgement here and I certainly don't think you're mean or anything like that.

 

I believe you that he's done you wrong. But you must understand that sometimes in life, you really have no recourse.

 

You have to accept that you met a bad person. That's all you can do.

 

Moving on and no longer caring what he thinks is your best "revenge".

[unnaturally_thin]

heh.....revenge......well.....its just a back and forth battle.....u find sumtin then he will....you will again....and so on.....there is no point

[Ated]

so what would u advice now that he called me out of the blue?

 

 

Just ignore his calls? and if i bump into him just say a polite hello. SEriously ok, fine... ill take revenge out of my mind... But what now??? whats is his intentions... what?!?! i just wish he didnt call...

[kipster]

I think you didn't understand that we're trying to steer you away from revenge for your own good. There's no judgement here and I certainly don't think you're mean or anything like that.

 

I believe you that he's done you wrong. But you must understand that sometimes in life, you really have no recourse.

 

You have to accept that you met a bad person. That's all you can do.

 

Moving on and no longer caring what he thinks is your best "revenge".

 

I agree with those posters on the revenge issue. I think its natural to want revenge on someone that has hurt you, but why stoop to his level? Be the bigger person, don't worry. Anyone that does you wrong will get theirs, its the natural ebb and flow of life, Karma at its best. He called you, you're better than me. It would have had to ring off the hook for weeks for me to pick it up. One call and pick it up? Nah... If you want the person to come back and not F*ck with you, then why bother picking it up and putting yourself back to square one. Especially to have him then tell you some non-sense that he wants you to meet his NEW WOMAN? That's comical indeed, this guy has a set on him I tell ya. But that's a phone call, for future reference, you don't need to take. If he wants to come out of his comfort zone and visit you or make a real effort to get you back, that's one thing, but a lame phone call doesn't say 'I want you back', that says, "Hey, I want to keep the door open", just checking to make sure you still have some feelings for me while I live my life and you wait for me. Why give a person that satisfaction? You want revenge? Do your thing...forget about him...wish him well...and let the Man above take that pain and resentment away from you. As a friend of mine once said, let the unnecessary stress melt off of you, that's your best revenge...SUCCESS. Nothings worse than knowing that you gave up on a SHOW PONY. For instance, just look at these superstars that everyone told they could never do it and now they've done it! What's sweeter than the people who second guessed them telling them later, "I always knew you could do it.! I was behind you all the way!". Yeah right, but remain humble, keep your head up, and do your thing. Its a win-win proposition.

 

And keep your contact with him to a minimum. You already know that he has a new woman, so what more do you need to know? You're young, beautiful, and have your whole life ahead of you. Why let him take that from you? And of course his new woman wants to meet you? Why not, to show you that she's the new woman on your turf (if it ever was in theory). Let them do their thing and cut him back big time. Don't answer his calls, if you see him be cordial, and keep it short and civil. Something like, "Hi, nice to see you, gotta run". That should do fine....Let him sweat it, not you....

 

Kip

[Ated]

Thanks all of you. Especially kipster (you've been REALLY helpful)

 

I didnt know it was him calling. I do not have caller id in my phone as he called my landline and not my cell phone. I probably would have picked up the call tho to be honest... to satisfy my curiosity.

 

I gotta give credit to myself tho. when he claled me yesterday he asked me to 'prank' him so he can call me but i stayed strong and i dint. I actually listen to your advice sp pls keep them coming...

 

SO far, what i have gotten from various advice, is forgive then move on, and be polite if i bump into him, and do not pick up his calls... (but agian, if he calls my home phone and its him, ill just act busy)

 

I hate this. I wish i could just get over it... 5 motnhs and im still healing and then out of the blue... hes back int he picture. Its stupid as!

[Ated]

I dont care what anyone says revenge is sweet and the way ya'll broke up you deserve it. Anywaze he wants you to meet his ex? Do you have a boyfriend? And how old are you???

 

Im 17. he said that his NEW gf wants to meet me... No i have no bf cos this one really hurt me... i dun wanna get hurt agian man... crap.

 

Im sorry but I dont think ignoring him and all that is revenge. I mean come on you took his phone call when he called the first time and then he said he wants to you to meet his new girl, Ignoring him now is going to make it look like him having a new girl hurts you and alll that.

 

I truly feel that yes given the circumstances, he DOES deserve me. I swear, he god cannot create such a vile creature... He even hit me one time and attacked my family problems... I guess it was my fault that i ddint leave him then...

[Ated]

Im not a bloody martyr... why should i put up with all his crap right>? I mean, he left me, so why should i be friends with him... Im only human. I cannot stomach being friends with him while he replaced me with some random girl

[kipster]

Im not a bloody martyr... why should i put up with all his crap right>? I mean, he left me, so why should i be friends with him... Im only human. I cannot stomach being friends with him while he replaced me with some random girl

 

Exactly. I'm not saying being vengeful or spiteful, that IMHO is immaturity at its highest level. But look at this thing logically, its right in front of your eyes all you need to do is reach in order to grab it. Here's a quick exercise...Ask yourself this...If your best friend told you EVERYTHING you've told us in this thread (in summary):

 

(Her) EX left her

(Her) EX has a new woman

(Her) EX calls her 5 months later to tell her that he has a new woman

(Her) EX also tells her he wants his new woman to meet her

(Her) EX asks her to prank him

 

and the newest info:

 

(Her) EX was hit by him

(Her) EX attacked her at on an issue he should have known would be important to her (i.e., her family)

 

What then, would YOU advise her to do? Would you honestly advise her to cater to him? Would you advise her to stay? Would you advise her that this man sounds like a guy who's madly in love with her and was 'MADE' for her? I don't know what your answer is, but sometimes taking ourselves out of a situation and treating it as if we someone close to us is experiencing it provides some clarity.

 

Fact is, YOU WILL meet another man. You're in your teens, the world is CRAWLING with them, your practically up to your waist in them. Second, DO NOT go by what a person says, especially one that has hurt you. GO BY HIS/HER ACTIONS, that is more diagnostic of their personality than their words. Look at what he does. I know it hurts, sweetheart, I lost a fiancee of 7+ years, believe me, I know the pain. But why torture myself any further by contacting her or building my hopes up for nothing? If she wants to make a real 'comeback' she knows where I live, always has. She has my number. She knows what an honest person that made a mistake must do to gain my trust and its no easy task. Likewise, if I had made a mistake with her in dumping her and later saw the err or folly in my ways, I'd suck it up and break out my knee pads and SHOW HER that I made a mistake, I'm human, and I'm willing to do what it takes to correct it. That's what a REAL MAN/WOMAN does. Now does your EX really sound like that to you at this point? Or does he sound like a man that is trying to have his cake and eat it too at your hearts expense? If what he's expressing is love....THEN I'D HATE TO SEE WHAT HE DOES WHEN HE HATES SOMEONE?

 

Take care,

 

Kip

[Ated]

Ok well that opened my eyes! i definitely appriciate that POV. THANKS Man im sooo stupid....

 

Ok ok. great i think im ok...

 

I know waht your saying. I do understand. I just gotta apply it. u know how they say 'easier said than done'.

 

I wonder if he will miss me? lol PFFT oh well... i got a lot of things in my life that i need to worry about. You're right! I dealt with so many thngs in my life... all he's doing is draining my energy. why waste time on sumthing so undeserving.

 

Im sorry to hear about losing ur ex-fiancee. I cant help but be negative. Now i think that i will probably die alone and single...

 

We live in a disposable society. So fashion-conscious and materialistic. Where is my old-fashion man??

 

Sumtimes i think to myself, if i have given EVRYTHING i got to this man, and it resulted in me getting hurt.. I wonder if im ever gonna be good enough?? i know i know... im being silly... 'im young, my heart is gonna get broken many times' and that is scary

[kipster]

First and foremost, don't EVER think of yourself as STUPID. I certainly don't. You were SMART enough to seek advice from others that may/may not have more experience than you do in an area that you may be inexperienced in. That ALONE tells you you're smarter than the average person who would instead wallow in their own self-pity and not talk out their problems or seek advice from those that may be able to impart some wisdom upon them. So pat yourself on the back sweetheart. You are anything but a stupid person in my eyes.

 

As for things being EASIER SAID THAN DONE, you are also right. Its easy for me to say it, because I've gone through the hurt that you speak of and I know its NO JOKE. It hurts, extremely deeply, trust me. It took me almost half a year to gain some insights and a lifetime to culminate on some of the relationships that haven't worked in my life to be able to come to some modicum of understanding of how much of a waste it is to worry about someone that could care less about you. Its human nature, we all worry about people, and we are crushed when we learn that other person doesn't care about us nearly as much as we care about them. And I don't care how strong a person THINKS they are, put the right person in their life and let them break their heart and it will affect them. If it doesn't, then they simply didn't love that person or lack emotion in their chemical/genetic make-up.

 

In terms of does he miss you, to some extent, probably yes. But honestly, not enough to put forth a real effort to try to get you back. So in my view, the real answer is NO the person doesn't really miss you, they only miss you in theory. But most people don't leave something for nothing, that tends to make little sense. So I'm not surprised that he's moved on anymore than I wouldn't be surprised if my EX has another man moved in her place at this point. These days, nothing surprises me. Especially, when it comes to people REALLY knowing what they want.

 

And finally, thanks for having some empathy for my sitch. I truly appreciate that. But it wasn't meant to be, if it was she would have been willing to try counseling, to make it work, to hang in there, to give me the benefit of the doubt and to work with me. A real woman, embraces a man for his shortcomings even more so than for his strengths. Any woman can do the latter, but it takes a real woman to do the former (and that applies to men as well, I KNOW ). Apparently my Ex wasn't able to do that and that's o.k. There's someone who will be although it seems like its taking forever to find her. Well, hopefully I've got time!

 

Keep your head up and remember that you're going to do your fair share of heart-breaking in the future and this certainly won't be the last time your heart is broken. But just remember to learn something from each of these experiences and you'll be well ahead of the game and KNOW when you've got MR. RIGHT, as opposed to MR. RIGHT NOW.

 

Kip

[The Enigmatical Mr X]

Revenge hey?

 

I once new a guy who made his girlfriend so angry she took a dump in his X-box.

 

Now that's revenge.

[Ated]

hahah!! that is really funny

 

 

I wish i could do sumthing likedat! how did she manage to do that... Gross but funny!

[me4ta]

Ated,

 

You definitely still have feelings for that guy if you think so much of him after 5 months....but as you know Love is Blind and sometimes we don't see how poorly we are treated.

 

You don't need to meet his gf....what for? I don't think she has a legitimate reasons for it too....he called you to loath, and you are set back because you still care and he's just being hurtful again, because he still doesn't want you but he's showing off that he has someone new....

 

The best revenge based on my own experience is IGNORANCE. Ignorance is bliss in this situation. He calls, don't pick up....but when you run in to each other, smile and casually say hello, but don't engage in any conversation with him...He you bump into you and he's with her, introduce yourself and say you're late for something, so you gotta run......Never acknowledge you saw his calls or meant to call back, as if he never did.....if he mentions that he called and you never picked up/returned.....be innocent and sweet and say "really? hmm, I must have missed them" and that's it......don't even bother explaining....THAT will be bothering him...your ignorance...and there's your revenge....you showed him, you don't give a damn about him, and you get him out of you life and mind.....he still knows you're crazy about you, that's why for his ego, he's getting back to you to see that you're still his doormat....

 

You picked up, you talked to him, you asked him questions if he missed you or whatever he asked you he answered "no" - that showed him how much you're still not over him and it literally turns him on, knowing that somebody's crazy about him...and he can say and do anything.

[Ated]

me4ta : Thanks. Thats a really big help. That is why i wanted revenge. Cos he knows that i am too caring and kind and loved him truly. And that is why he STILL plays me... This is the reason why i wan to be unpredictable. He is expecting me to cry all over agian and be such a softie, but i want revenge dammit. Ive changed too! I have learned to put my foot down.

 

You are right. Ignorance is bliss. I dun go out of my way to find out where he is or whatver (tho i used to) but i found that that hurts me more so i stopped. But now... he calls. How weird.

 

I somehow feel like he is just trying to save his face. And i feel that deep inside i know he cant say he dun love me. He can say it on the fone but not in person. WHATVER! He broke my heart. I want to break his jaw.

 

I cant stand the fact that now he'll be sweet talking this new girl. I should write her a thank you note for taking him away.

 

Thanks for replying. BUt do u think 'revenge' is bad or what?

[Ated]

Ok, Update:

 

I have decided that if he calls me agian, i will be polite and pick up the call but i willl act busy. This will make him think that i am letting him put his foot on the door, but i will drop hints that i dun really want his call.

 

If he still calls me, after dropping hints that i dun appriciate his calls, then i will stop and just tell him straight out. And then i will give him a big speech saying how much i am better off wtihout him and how he has burnt his bridges and that i cannot be 'friends' with him because we have a history. Along wth what i need to tell him in order for me to have closure. Then, I will give him my blessing and wish for his new gf and himself to have a good life! =)

 

Sound ok?

[kipster]

Too much energy, no need for the hints and the speech sweetie. If he calls let it ring if you don't have an answering service and you 'feel' that its him. No need to go into the 'history' spiel with him, he'll just turn it around on you and tell you something like, "Oh I wasn't calling you to take you back," so why even answer it. Just speak with your actions, words are unnecessary. Just be unavailable he'll get the hint. Trust me

 

Kip

[Ated]

heheh you're right. It is too much energy. Okies. Actions will do the talking.

[xLittl_Ditzx]

i soooo know what u mean! i wanna get revenge on my ex. im in kinda the same situation instead i broke up with him cuz he did some dumb stuff. anyway.. i still havent found some good revenge for him to realize what he lost (although i know he does regret messin up cuz he'll never find nayone like me, too sweet and forgiving) anyway.. yea prolly asking someone to pretend to be my boyfriend will piss him off lol

[Ated]

hahh good one! definitely!!