Self esteem, Jealousy

[CLIMBK]

..how much of getting over someone is to do with self esttem?

..and jealousy.

i know it sounds weird. But it was thinking about it today. I dont have my ex as a friend on FB any more but she has made her profile public.. i dont know why

for some freakish reason i went on it this morning, and realised how much fun she is having, out in the sun. out with her friends.. and how beautiful the sun makes her look.

she also mentioned something about one night stands..

hell.

i look at my self in the mirror, and see someone who was lucky to have such a beautiful girl in his life... and almost know i will never ever go out with someone that beautiful ever again.

this is such a hard pill to swallow.

other than that i am jealous of her life.. she is out in the sun having fun. i sit in a office looking forward to my 2 hour commute to my lonely house.

good times.

the way i see it i am not going to fully recover until some major life changes happen in my life.. and that seems very unlikely for a long long time.

 

so yeah.. final hurdle in healing is re building your self esteem and letting go of jealousy? yaya or nay?

[Tarkan]

Hey man,

 

I know how you feel and what you're getting through. I'm actually living the same story right now.

 

We feel jealous because in our eyes, we lost everyhing that was good while she did not. I guess that for her, it was easy to turn off the switch, while you are still living in disbelief. Human beings often want other's to feel the same pain in order to be understood. Very often, it's just because we don't want others to have all the fun while we're left behind. But that's only because we're COMPARING our lifes with others and because we don't focus on ourselves.

 

My gf and I definitely broke up on Monday. She met someone else on Erasmus ( exchange program for students ) and broke up with me. She told me she had sex with him afterwards and that they're now in a relationship. She also wants to invite him in our apparatement while I still live here ... Needless to say how sad and angry I am.

 

The only thing to do is to move away from her. Far away. Do fun stuff. Go out with friends if you can. Don't have expectations. Change your mind and do it for YOU. Don't do it because you want to hurt her or make her jealous. She doesn't mean ANYTHING now.

 

Wanted to go on vacation for a long time ? Do it !

Your job is boring ? Start looking for another !

Do some good deeds for other persons.

Clean up your house or appartement.

When there is sun, you go outside.

Maybe start a hobby, it's a fun way to learn new people. It can be sports, instruments, ... Doesn't matter if you're not good at it. It will be a great social occasions for you.

Oh and the most important thing: DONT look for a REPLACEMENT RELATIONSHIP. Do not ! Keep everything casual for some time until you're completely healed. You don't more relationship drama.

 

Good luck man.

 

I feel better now and I know you will too ;-)

 

PS: Avoid staying inside. Avoid coping with tv or computer games. It will only confirm a negative self-esteem. Trust me, I've been there. What you need now is action !

[OutToSee]

OP, what you don't realize now is this: you WILL date someone just as beautiful, if not moreso. You will have fun again. She's not a robot and I guarantee you that somewhere deep down, she's probably hurting too.

 

All in due time. You'll get over her.

[IfItsMeantToBe]

OMG this is so me I'm jealous my ex has someone new already but not because I have lost him, more that I don't have anyone else yet! Even though its only been 11 weeks I feel with the sun shining I should be spending time getting to know someone like I did with him.

 

Since my split I have lost self confidence and the feeling I'll meet anyone else while he is having a great time going to the zoo and other places that me and him went while I'm on my computer at home

[julian19]

sometimes, dumpers tend to show you that they are having the time of their life and that they are living happily and fine without you. It's one way how they cope up too to convince themselves that they did the right thing and that they are finally over you.

[The_Seeker]

sometimes, dumpers tend to show you that they are having the time of their life and that they are living happily and fine without you. It's one way how they cope up too to convince themselves that they did the right thing and that they are finally over you.

 

lol so true

 

but at times dumpees should move on and know they'll get someone better.

[julian19]

sometimes, dumpers tend to show you that they are having the time of their life and that they are living happily and fine without you. It's one way how they cope up too to convince themselves that they did the right thing and that they are finally over you.

 

yes it happened to me. when my ex dump me, her facebook was a blast! posting different photos, comments, posts and i was so surprised how could she managed to move on so quickly. and another thing, she is a person who dont like posting stuffs on facebook.

 

after we broke up, as if everyday, she'll post new status and photos, rubbing to everyone's face that she is perfectly fine. Until i blocked all her contact.

 

then it hits her! after a couple of months in unblocked her and sent her a merry christmas message. when i saw her facebook again. it was full of "missing you" post and stuffs and she no longer post those happy blast stuffs anymore..

 

it is like DEFENSE MECHANISM for them..

[Lambert]

I think this is really good advice. thanks. I am really sorry for what you are going through. I can't believe your ex gf wants to bring the new guy over to your apt. * * * ???

 

@Climbk-- I know how you feel. I feel the same sometimes, too. I am over 2 months post BU and about1.5 month NC. For a while there, it was pretty sad and I really didn't see past the moment. For days on end I would bargain with myself that if I got out of bed and went to work, I could come straight home and get back in bed. But after about a month, I started making myself get out on the weekend even if just for an hour. I really thought I was on the mend, then I re-lapsed. It was it just hit me again, that it was really over. I couldn't deal. I told the world, I was working from home with a stomach bug. After about 3 days, I knew I had to get back to work. So again, I forced myself. this time I confided in a friend how poor I doing. We went shopping. I bought some new things for the warm weather. We spent the whole day out breakfast, shopping, stopping for coffee and a snack. Just like the old me. We were gone the whole day and by the time I got home, I was tired but it felt good to be tired from doing something and not just pulling the covers over my head.

 

It was a turning point. When I wore the new clothes, I got positive feedback. and I started working out again and watching my diet. It's all been very good for me. I still am like "awww, this time last year we did this" or whatever but it's fading and I am letting it. Memorial Day weekend last year was our first get away together. And I think about it. then I let it pass. I am have some good plans this year, too. My sister is coming to visit and I am going to Puerto Rico with a friend that has to go on business.

 

I really agree with not pushing a relationship. I have been on 2 dates. And both times, I felt like "no date" would have been better. So I think I am going to back off on trying to meet someone. I feel like I do want to be in a relationship and that means I have to meet someone.... but forcing it isn't good. I really am just not digging anyone so maybe that's a sign.

 

The big thing is, I am focused on ME! And that has really helped my self esteem. I am still like "Im a loser" but that's starting to change, I am not so bad. Maybe my ex is the loser.

 

Good luck to you. Ride it out the best you can and try not to compare. You really have no way of knowing what goes on in anyone else's head. I bet my ex thinks I am sooooo sad. but really I am not.