julian19 Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 I miss her. Although im doing fine and getting on with my life. I still miss her. Part of me still wants to be with her. She's a very busy person. Studious and even weekends, she goes to school. That's one of the reason we broke up. Her being so busy in school and no time for commitment, me being clingy and codependent. Well whenever i get the idea that she's probably being busy right now with her school work, and the idea that she's not even thinking or missing me at all, is kinda upsetting. I think there's really no chance for this one.. I miss her.. Link to comment
SuperDuper Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 It will pass. NC until you don't care about her anymore. Link to comment
soybeans Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 My ex doesn't miss me either. Hes off living his life. Meanwhile I miss him every damn day. I try to push thoughts of him away but it never lasts. Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Share Posted May 20, 2012 definitely it hurts.... Link to comment
saluk Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 Eh, you never know. Don't try and think what someone else is thinking, cause you can't know it. Focus on you not on the ex. You are probably right and she doesn't miss you all that much right now, she's too busy. But she might have moments. "Probably" doesn't really matter. All that matters is what you can actually know, and what actions you can actually take. Go ahead and miss her. Think about why you miss her, what you are missing, and have comfort that those feelings will not be forever. But don't get caught up in trying to figure out what she is going through, or how she feels about you right now, or what her future plans are. This will cause you new pain, while you are still working through the old pain. Link to comment
Streetbob Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 Yep. When we are hurting, the mind tends to play tricks. I know that I have had totally illogical thoughts over the past few months - based on NOTHING! Try and stay positive! Don't let depressing thoughts consume you! Link to comment
rickyspanish Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 my ex works two jobs and has been going out with friends since the breakup. there is absolutely ZERO time for her to dwell on it and i wondered the same thing. about 2 weeks of no contact and she text me saying how much she missed me but before that i diddnt really think she cared at all she seemed to be just fine. they put that act on to not only convince you they are better off without you but also convince themselves. even if they arnt desperately missing you and hurt there is some feeling of attatchment they have lost and they WILL think about it. take some satisfaction in that. Link to comment
sunnysideupx Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 you can think and think and think and over think about what your ex may or may not be thinking right now, but youll never really know and youll just drive yourself crazy in the process, believe me ive done it! just never assume anything, and focus on yourself. Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 Your mind will tend to "fill in the gaps" ; in other words, what you don't know about your ex's life you will naturally fill in with the "worst case scenario" The reality is, you have NO WAY of knowing what she is thinking, doing, or where and with whom....that's the by-product of NC and a BU for both of you. "Worst case scenario" thinking will drive you to the brink of madness; you will convince yourself that she is out there, living an amazing life away from you, that she doesn't think of you and is 100% sure, now that some time has past, that she made the right decision and is well rid of you for good. She could be thinking that. She could be thinking the exact opposite.....and regretting what she did, but still knows its for the best for herself and her future. She could be thinking NOTHING about you at all; the relationship ended, and she is OK with it, and is concentrating her thinking on her LIFE....just like you should be doing.....turning your thoughts to YOU, and away from HER. A wise person told me just after my BU back in January something very simple: "Stay out of her head. You have NO CLUE what she is thinking. Go with what you do know - she is gone, hasn't contacted you, and has her reasons for it" Remember, what you don't know is supposed to protect you, not drive you out of your mind. Also remember, something a lot of us here at ENA tend to forget: NC is a two-way street; she has NO IDEA what is up in your life either....don't think she hasn't wondered, because she has....but by not acting on it, that should give you a clear representation of her state of mind ....for now. Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Share Posted May 20, 2012 I miss her so bad.. I couldnt sleep.. I feel... empty... its been 7 months since we broke up.. 2 and a half months of complete NC. but... i still find myself in tears at night... it hurts.. Link to comment
Fraggle Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 Julian Sorry you're struggling and not sleeping... I can't imagine what 2.5 months of NC is like, but like SC says you don't know what she is doing BUT it is vice versa too... You can't control her thoughts and what she is doing. Not much I can advise but try and not think about why she may or may not be up to and let the pain out and work through it. At times I fear I suppress my pain too much and worry it will boil over, but I'm doing what I can not to think about her, but am conscious I am living day by day rather than planning ahead... Hope you have a better nights sleep tonight but don't worry about the tears, I get them too at times, you'll be ok Link to comment
Mizz Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 My ex never seemed to miss me since. Almost a month and he appears to be doing just fine, having a great time on his own with out me. As if with out me it's just so much better in his life. He hasn't really even reached out to me since it happened too. It'll seem like he doesn't care or realize what he did. But then deep down I can't and don't know how he feels. And I should not care either. He tossed me back into the world and I just have to move on, which I have been. it's not worth holding onto him if he just got rid of me. If my ex had a problem or thought something wasn't going right, he could have talked to me about it or tried to work it out. But he didn't want to, he never gave me a straight answer. In my time to reflect with the NC I had I know it's best as over anyway. But I'd think back on how if he really loved me he wouldn't have just dumped me like that, he would have talked to me first and addressed any issues he was having, like I had always done with him when I was concerned about something. He did not wish or care to talk it out with me though. His decision was final. I eventually came to accept it though. And when it comes to an ex it's better not to try and fill in the blanks or wonder if they miss you. It's best to just focus on yourself, sort your own emotions. There's no telling what time holds, but it's best to just try and move on the best you can for your own healing. Julian19 I know it hurts, it has ups and downs. But you seem like a really sweet guy, I am sure in time you'd have no trouble finding a great girl! A girl who won't be pushed away if you care, a girl who won't be too busy for you and push you aside. In a lot of cases clinginess can form when someone feels pushed away, they panic and want to try and get closer and hold onto what they consciously or subconsciously feel like they are losing. Later, then the person who seemed clingier feels awful like it was their fault they'll think, "if only I backed away a little! It wouldn't have pushed her/him away!". But you really can't blame yourself. Clinginess can form from when a partner seems to be distancing themselves, maybe that happened in your case. It certainly seemed to happen in mine when things felt odd in my relationship. I became more sad, more sensitive, just not like myself at all. But do not blame yourself like it was your fault. Plus, you have to consider how even if your ex thought you were clingy, if she really loved you and if she felt uncomfortable she could have sat you down and said something like "Hey, so I noticed you've been acting a little differently, is everything ok?" or just flat up said something like "Baby, I love spending time and talking to you, but I also need some time to myself too. Would it be ok if I had a little more time for myself? I just have a lot going on right now. We can of course still see each other! But I feel like it's becoming a lot and I feel a bit overwhelmed"... See what I mean? Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 Julian Sorry you're struggling and not sleeping... I can't imagine what 2.5 months of NC is like, but like SC says you don't know what she is doing BUT it is vice versa too... You can't control her thoughts and what she is doing. Not much I can advise but try and not think about why she may or may not be up to and let the pain out and work through it. At times I fear I suppress my pain too much and worry it will boil over, but I'm doing what I can not to think about her, but am conscious I am living day by day rather than planning ahead... Hope you have a better nights sleep tonight but don't worry about the tears, I get them too at times, you'll be ok Just woke up. It's 4:15am here in my country. The feeling was so heavy and i miss her so much. I got no one to talk to and so i logged on here. It hurts and i miss her so bad. It's been 7 months since we broke up. Why am I not healing at all? Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 yeah, i see what u mean. The problem with her is, whenever she has some sort of problems about our relationship, she tends to keep it in her mind and never tells me. Then only way she'll tell me about it is once she's already mad and irritated. She has a communication problem i guess. Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 MY GOD, Im crying.... It hurts..... I miss everything about her,,,,, im so,,,,, im so down....... i.... i love her........ Link to comment
MasterPo Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 MY GOD, Im crying.... It hurts..... I miss everything about her,,,,, im so,,,,, im so down....... i.... i love her........ I feel for you bud - it sucks to be on that emo train. Gather yourself up and go do something physical. Run if you want, walk if you can - just do it. About an hour. Go climb stairs or push a car for awhile - leaving it in gear won't matter believe me. Something for an HOUR!! Go do it. Endorphins are your only friend right now. I know talking helps but at this point you are searching for answers no one has and "hope" no one can give you. Invest in yourself, it starts right now. I'm here most times. Drop me a line if you need to, no sense in feeling alone. I have no problem ordering you to go PT as a stock answer. lol. It will be okay, this to shall pass. Link to comment
rickyspanish Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 i feel your pain. things always seem to get better when your at your absolute worst. thats just how the universe works. Link to comment
saluk Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 I feel for you bud - it sucks to be on that emo train. Gather yourself up and go do something physical. Run if you want, walk if you can - just do it. About an hour. Go climb stairs or push a car for awhile - leaving it in gear won't matter believe me. Something for an HOUR!! Go do it. Endorphins are your only friend right now. I know talking helps but at this point you are searching for answers no one has and "hope" no one can give you. Invest in yourself, it starts right now. I'm here most times. Drop me a line if you need to, no sense in feeling alone. I have no problem ordering you to go PT as a stock answer. lol. It will be okay, this to shall pass. Yes walking, it's been the best for me. I have walked for 2 or 3 hours a day for the entire month since my BU. Sometimes I feel better after the walk, sometimes I don't, but during the walk I ALWAYS feel a little bit better, even if only slightly it is noticeable. Sometimes I am crying as I walk, sometimes I am going over stuff in my head, but I know it helps. Link to comment
tryharder83 Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 i feel for you OP, for me its been 8mos after the BU and 3mos NC. I see her at work once a week. Even with that it seems like i'm not really getting over it fast enough and at times i feel like im back to where i started. First few months i dont get any sleep and dont eat as well. Now, whenever i get the chance to sleep i dont feel like waking up.. i oversleep. So i decided even if its scary to think ill be unemployed in the next couple of weeks., i come to a decision to resign from my current job. And no matter how much i try to think it was for the best my emotions gets the best of me. Sometimes find myself shedding a tear in public places whenever thoughts of the ex comes to mind. I have no place to go where im not reminded of everything. .. i still hope against fragile hope that i'll get though this.., even at worst possible pain im in. we'll all get through this.. other people did, so we will. you'll be in my prayer. smile. Link to comment
rickyspanish Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 man julian i truly feel terrible for you. the worst thing is theres nothing we or anybody can say or do that is going to fix your situation. im just barely 2 weeks post BU and i feel pretty * * * * ty but i couldnt imagine stilll feeling this way after 7 months. you have to find a way to let go. i will keep you in my prayers. Link to comment
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