Aaaargh! I suppose Im having yet another down day!

[Soulfully]

Man...i suppose Im having another of these wonderful down days! Been like that for the past few days, and Im just trying so hard to lift myself up, but this gloomy doom is sometimes getting me lost again. I pray to find the right bearings towards the upward healing path again.

 

Its been almost three months, and even though things are starting to get easier, I still think about my ex all the time. Those memories, her image in my mind all the time!! DAMNNN!!! GET OUTTA MY HEAD! hehehe, im going crazy i think.

 

3 months with minimal contact, she's in a new relationship and even thought i don't know how things are, Im pretty sure she's having a great time. At least I'm forcing myself to feel happy for her. I want to completely reach that state in which I will be able to forgive her 100%, feel no resentment, no anger ... feel happy and glad that she's doing well and is being treated with the love, respect and honesty that I always gave her. Pity that she couldn't love me in the same way. I think she still needs to experience a lot in life and love. I really thought that she was ready to commit and that what he had and experienced was pure and authentic. It was not only words, it was her actions too, but i suppose that the bigger action (dump) took place and is what really counts. And yet another bigger action of finding someone else a month later, who apparently resembles me at least on the physical side i.e. stature, body build etc... Who knows whether she really felt for me or not...perhaps she truly did at that time, but as we all know, human feelings change all the time.

 

thereforeeee, my plead is for all of us to think properly and deeply before we set out to make decisions in which we know that someone is going to get very hurt - pain which can last for a long time and affect him/she in every aspect of life. So lets try and love each other a little bit more please!

 

Its true that hurt is inevitable in life, so perhaps we will just have to settle, understand and accept that pain and hurt are part of life.

Perhaps this is aimed to make us stronger and appreciate better those true moments of happiness. Experience happy states of mind in simple things in everyday life, i.e. our interactions with family, friends, and mother nature. Close your eyes and breathe the fresh air of the sea, a fresh forest... listen to the waves, the winds, the rivers continous flow, the ripples in a pond etc... Engage...engage 100% with all your senses and feel the joy of being alive. Feel in one with nature, feel the connectedness of everything, with everyone.

 

Anyways, thanx for reading hehe, needed to post something to feel better. Writing is indeed therapeutic, and if any of you can relate and feel my feelings, then even better.

 

 

Soulfully Yours,

One Love.

[lost_puppy]

Writing about your feelings is definitely therapeutic, that's why it's great that this board exists.

 

It really sucks to see your ex in another relationship while you're still trying to heal. (One of my previous exes actually dumped me for anohter guy.) Maybe no contact at all will work better for you than minimal contact? Worth a try. At least that way you won't have to hear about the other guy. Also, I don't think you need to force yourself to feel happy for her, you have the right to feel how you feel, whether that's anger, resentment, pain, etc. Just know that in time the feelings will get less and less, and eventually you'll feel genuinely happy for her.

 

Sounds like you learned something about relationships, that's what life is all about, learning from your experiences. You're a better man for it.

[K_N_AZ]

My question is: I've been broken up for about 2 1/2 months now and have had NC fro about 6 - 7 weeks, except that I emailed her last Friday and got no response back. Do you feel it is better to know that she is with someone else? I just keep thinking that my ex is with someone else by now, and that's what kills me...is to think that she is with some other guy and doing who knows what with him. Giving him all the emotions and feelings that she once gave me. It's like she just turned off a switch and could care a less about me. Because of her coldness towards me, I think she must be with someone else, and it hurts.

[Soulfully]

Yep Lostpup...writing and reading on these boards is really helping me alot. Im so greatful for its existence!! At least something positive came out of this hurtful breakup experience hehe!

 

It definitely sucks knowing that your ex has already moved on to someone else while you're still there trying to heal. Yet in reality they are free to do whatever they feel like doing. We were part of her past life, but are not part of their present life (at least in my case) and their future life? well...nobody really knows. Hence, they are free to engage in other relationships. It felt like yet another stab to my heart find it out, but hey... there's nothing you can do about Her and Her New Relationship. We can only make a difference to ourselves, i.e. trying to have a more positive outlook towards our present life and the possibilities that lay ahead in the future. Easy to say...i know...im still trying hehe. The minimal contact with my ex was extremely minute hehe - a few text messages just to sort out when I could go and get my stuff from her flat ... a "wish your doing well, and that those that are surrounding you (as in present boyfriend) in your present life are treating you well, you deserve it". Her response was very cordial, and also wishing me the best. and thats been about 2 or 3 weeks ago. I dont plan on contacting her anymore, or atleast in the near future. I´ll leave it at that. Even though im still hurting, I have peace of mind that I never wronged her in any way, loved and respected her above all, and able to walk away peacefully.

 

Knaz - It will probably hurt you a lot to find out that perhaps your ex is seeing someone else. It hurt me alot...i was sad, in pain, angry...many mixed up emotions. Still hurts. I found out through mutual friends that didnt really want to tell me...but i forced them to tell me cos i sensed something was up. I think that for me personally it was important to find out sooner than later... it helped me acknowledge that there was nothing left to do than to heal, heal and heal. Not for her, or to try and get her back, just for me, and those around me that love me so much that they hate to see me down. Its very hard, but i'd rather know this after 2 months, than after many more months down the line. I believe that even if 6 months of NC had passed, I would have still suffered the pain of knowing that my ex was in another relationship a month after the breakup...and that would have set me back from my healing process. So yes...in my personal experience, I'd rather get all the shots pretty early on, cos that will enable me to move on quicker, or at least try...and not hang on to ilusions and hopes that will get shot down after so many months later. Its a very tough ride, the hardest one i've ever encountered in my short life, but our human innate ability for survival even on emotional levels are extremely powerful ... i have trust in our power to survive.

 

The hardest thing for me now is to imagine that I will be ok if I dont get to see my ex ever again. Chances are slim since we live in a small island ... so if i do, i hope that I will be ok. That's my emotional challenge and target right now ... sounds easy? dont think so. I dont mean to say that im trying to force myself to try and feel the way I would like to feel ... I feel what i feel naturally, be it anger, hate, or love and peace. In fact, my emotions about my ex keep on fluctuating backwards and forwards like some sort of battle. So im letting myself feel what I feel at the present moment without any limits. What im saying is that im trying to aim to feel love and peace for this situation. Im trying to reach that state, and I can see that bit by bit im getting there. There are still many moments of sadness, anger etc... but Im hoping to finally breathe deeply, and let go... and you can only do that with love and peace, not with sadness, anger and resentment. That's my opinion anyways, could be wrong....but my life experiences til now have taught me so....but who knows in the future may hold for us.

 

Soulfully Yours,

One love.

[Soulfully]

Hey Knaz...

 

I know its hard imagining your ex with some other guy doing all those things and sharing all those precious moments you had with her. But hey...who knows whether they are or not, who knows whether they are as happy as you were with her, and who knows whether they're not having problems like any other couples have. Who knows!! I for one don't know and prefer not to know and try not to imagine. I know my ex is with someone else and is probably in that loved up initial stage. But who really knows.... what we have to realise is that our imaginations are incredibly powerful and we can imagine almost anything! The more we imagine and the more we analyse things the more confusing it gets. It sometimes seems like we are subconsciously doing this to prepare for the worst when we find out the truth. But from our imaginations to the reality that your ex may be having with her new man there is often a very big gap. So lets be careful and not let our imaginations take over because it can be very destructive and very far from reality. Point is, try not to think about it and imagine "stuff". I know my ex is with someone else...thats IT. I dont want to find out anything else about them or what they do, there's no point....and NC helps to achieve this.

 

My ex has also been very cold to me since the breakup...3 months ago... just a couple of cold and cordial text messages answering my request to get my stuff back. Funnily enough i still dont have them hehe. And she doesnt live at her flat anymore...thank god i am friends with her flatmate so i can go and get it anytime. Its harsh...but to think that even though she broke up with me and hurt me so much, she still didnt make any effort to give me my stuff back (its not a lot, and she could have taken it back to my house, workplace or given it to a mutual friend which we have many, so that they can give it to me). No, nothing of that. I told her to not worry about arranging for me to get my stuff since i know she's pretty busy moving places, new boyfriend etc... but she insisted in me to call her when i wanted to get my stuff. But Im not going to. There's no need anymore since i know her flatmate and she's fine with having my stuff at her place for the moment.

 

A good mutual friend of ours says that she's acting cold and asking for NC so that I can heal as quick as possible, and that after she will be there for me as a good friend.... great huh?!! Even though it hurts me to realise this, I think its actually a good mature way of dealing with this. So...it could be interpreted as an act of maturity ... she knows that she's hurt me deeply, yet she doesnt want to give me any hopes so that I can heal properly. Part of me hates this idea, but part of me embraces it. Part of me thinks that she probably doesnt even give a dime about me now anyways...she's got a new life, new boyfriend, new jobs etc.... So who really cares now!! I suppose i still do...its pathetic hehe...but hey... that's all i know....the rest is just imaginations and ideas in my mind, not out there. So lets just concentrate on what we DO know and work on it. I know that I DO need to move on, but first i need to let go, since I dont want to move on and drag this baggage along with me.

 

So, interpret it as you wish.... she's acting cold towards you so it means that she doesnt care about you and has already forgotten about you. That's one way of seeing it. Or she's acting cold because she does care for you and wants you to heal as quickly as possible. Thats another possibility. Or the two combined.... in my case...she wants me to heal properly, and she's also found someone else, so she may have also forgotten about me and doesnt really care now. I think my ex still cares, since no one really wants to hurt anyone...but she also has her life, she's young (22) and wants to live it and experience other relationships. So be it.

 

Soulfully Yours,

One Love.