Sqaure ONE

[CLIMBK]

SO last night, i had a gig and one of mine and ex's mutual friends came to see me.

it went well, i had a ton of hot girls come upto basically falling over thier heels.

then my mutual friends comes up to me and tell me that he heard a rumour my ex is sleeping around with one of her managers.. it turned my stomach.. instantly felt sick to death.

precisely at that point she text me after almost 2 months.. saying hey havent heard from you in a while.. how are you?

i did not text back.. i went on her FB and she was out on a date with some random guy posting pictures..

then later she called me and chatted as if nothing had happened, like old times, invited me out tomorrow night too for a leaving part for another one of our mutual friends.. when i was hesistant she was like.. you have to come, and asked me why i did not invite her to the gig etc..

now i am back to square one.. after hearing her voice.. i literally melted, her laugh and her voice brouhgt back all the old times.

 

i want her back, but i am playing it cool. i am tired of playing games. i want to go upto her and tell her, listen i like you, the past is the past, we were good together and i dont see why we wont be again.. then a part of me says how stupid that is.. if i should just continue to pretend to be "friends".

ahh man i dont know what to do...

[Dystophia]

Don't believe in nasty rumors. It may not be true. Then again, she has been posting pictures with guys. Are you sure they were on a date? Even if she was, you two are broken up. Have you expressed to her before that you would like to try to work it out? Were you attempting to reconcile recently? If not, then you can't really blame her for exploring her options. Don't pretend to be friends. If you don't want to be friends with her anymore, don't. Do stuff to make you happy, work on yourself. Ask yourself what you really want. You don't know what she wants for sure. Maybe there's a conversation to be had between to you. A no crying, no begging, no pleading, mature conversation.

[transmit]

If the thought of her sleeping with other guys bothers you that much right now, you absolutely can not be friends. You need more time.

[italiannmf24]

Don't continue to be friends with her if you're still this hooked up on the past.

 

Ever hear of cognitive dissonance? Well, it's a theory in psychology that says one can not perform properly if they're holding two separate beliefs about themselves. In your situation, you want her to the utmost of your power and are willing to do a lot to get her back - on the other hand, on the outside, you act aloof and unaffected by her behavior, although it's slowly tearing you apart on the inside. This phenomenon is further known as cognitive dissonance and it's extremely harmful if you're constantly contradicting your own beliefs and allowing your ex to be "friendly" with you even AFTER you figured out she may be sleeping with one of your bosses.

 

Understand that no matter what you do at this point, you're not over the break-up. Stop playing it down like you don't care about the past and be honest with yourself, man. Tell her that you can't keep in touch with her because you need time to yourself and away from her. If she's any amount of mature, she'll understand. You can't stick around and act like nothing's happening. It's the idea that, one day, she'll come back that's holding you in this position. Step back, logically look at your options, and decide what you are and aren't capable of. After that, make a decision and STICK TO IT. Inconsistency is the devil, dude.

 

Personally, if you wanted to make a good impression, I'd ignore her texts/calls from time to time, and others answer them. Just make your time valuable and whenever she asks "why didn't you answer my (any type of contact)?" just say, "oh, I was busy with X, Y and Z. Didn't see it" and that's it. You don't owe her any explanation for anything at this point - she's no longer your girlfriend and no longer gets the advantage of knowing what you're up too.

[raindropcity]

I'm often amazed at how easy it is to examine someone else's love story and what they should probably do yet I'm struggling mightily with my own situation now. The advice given to me was to move on and even though my situation is entirely different from yours, in your case you are dealing with someone who is incapable of empathy and is totally oblivious to the fact that she is hurting you and that you are in a lot pain due to her fickleness. She's a flake and a narcissist to boot! That is an indication of immaturity and needless to say, the only person whom she loves is herself!

It's time for you to heal and move on. Right now, you can't be her friend --- not under these circumstances.

[CLIMBK]

Not sure.. it seemed like a date. wine over candelight dinner..

no there was no attempt at re-ceonciliation, i just played it cool, and about 2 months ago when i met her i asked if there was ever a chance we could have been together, and she said no, because of what she had done. (she liked and slept with someone else when i was travelling) but they fell apart as he cheated on her..

anyway she kept commenting on my pics of FB, kept liking stuff. basically kept herself in mylife.. i made no response. i just kept my mouth shut and took it the best i could. taking a day at a time..

now all of a sudden that hope as come back into my life.. despite all that i have worked on.. convincing myself that its not right.. i cant help but think past is the past, i like her and i know to a point she still has some sort of feelings for me.. but is just confused.. like i said i dont know whether to just spill it and tell her.. or just keep playing the hot cold game

[raindropcity]

Oh.... I see. Tell her not to contact you anymore via email and move on. Stop punishing yourself.

[CLIMBK]

that is probably the best advice i have been given on here. i totally agree with you, acting aloof outside and feeling different inside is runing my life. last night i did make an excuse she called me at 2 saying why did you not answer you txt i said i was obviously busy.. anyway.

i am gonna tell her straight tomorrow night, that i still have feelings for her, not an ultimatum as such, but more of a if you feel the same way lets see what happens, if not i need to get away and need some time to myself..

thanks for the advice dude.

[Ms Darcy]

She cheated on you ... dumped you ..... rejected your offer to try again ... I do not really know what the question is here. You need to stop talking to her so you can move on.

[CLIMBK]

well when you put it that way its quite simple.. maybe im just blind, but then again im only human.. as is she, we all make mistakes. surely through errors you learn and build something better..

[Ms Darcy]

well when you put it that way its quite simple.. maybe im just blind, but then again im only human.. as is she, we all make mistakes. surely through errors you learn and build something better..

 

She can make mistakes and still not want to be with you. I am not trying to hurt you here friend, but she has made it very clear that it won't happen. What else do you need?

[transmit]

her mistakes are hurting you badly, and the fact that she's chatting you up "like nothing happened" means she won't even acknowledge them as mistakes. She won't change for you. Get away from her.