euphoria24 Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 I read this somewhere on this forum about NC and how you have to give your ex the chance to miss you. I just thought it is inspiring for me especially dealing with a man that does not contact me as much as I want him to , I need to stop contacting him myself. Ive written 2 letters that I have just posted on here and not sent, we hung out this week, but now I just have to wait and hope that there will be a next time. :subdued: Link to comment
whyme21 Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 I like that ! From now on I am going to use it. It's true though. Once you stop chasing after them they always come back. Good luck and if they don't there's someone better. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 I read this somewhere on this forum about NC and how you have to give your ex the chance to miss you. I just thought it is inspiring for me especially dealing with a man that does not contact me as much as I want him to , I need to stop contacting him myself. Ive written 2 letters that I have just posted on here and not sent, we hung out this week, but now I just have to wait and hope that there will be a next time. Don't count on there being a next time. NC isn't a method to win back an ex. It's a method to making yourself healthy and free again as soon as possible. It's still going to take awhile, but the alternative of contact makes it all the more dastardly a trip. If you want to hold onto that hope of getting back together with him, don't make it longer than it needs to be. At some point it's better just to let it go and move on. Link to comment
rahulrocks Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 The gift of missing is not the thing to be intentionally given. Its a thing that should come out of your own busyness. If you are trying to play it as a trick then it will backfire because you will be curious about its result and if the result is not according to your own intentions then you will burn yourself. A better thing to do is to not play tricks and be honest in life. Explore other aspects of your life like travelling, sports, some social activity or anything which would make you busy. And when you get busy because you are truly busy then you will automatically give them the gift of missing you and you will not worry about the results yourself. I read this somewhere on this forum about NC and how you have to give your ex the chance to miss you. I just thought it is inspiring for me especially dealing with a man that does not contact me as much as I want him to , I need to stop contacting him myself. Ive written 2 letters that I have just posted on here and not sent, we hung out this week, but now I just have to wait and hope that there will be a next time. Link to comment
markie6 Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 I saw this on tumblr the other day "Sometimes you just to distance yourself from people, if they care, they will notice and if they don't , you know where you stand" sums it up from a nc point of view All the time the distance ( and 0 contact ) is there, you should be healing... Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 I really want to call him today but I know I need to wait for him to call me, give him a chance to miss me, is this the correct way of thinking about all of this???? Link to comment
markie6 Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Nobody can miss you if you remind them of you. That's pretty much the point. Pushing may make them pull away. Link to comment
Gabrielle84 Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 The gift of missing is not the thing to be intentionally given. Its a thing that should come out of your own busyness. If you are trying to play it as a trick then it will backfire because you will be curious about its result and if the result is not according to your own intentions then you will burn yourself. A better thing to do is to not play tricks and be honest in life. Explore other aspects of your life like travelling, sports, some social activity or anything which would make you busy. And when you get busy because you are truly busy then you will automatically give them the gift of missing you and you will not worry about the results yourself. Exactly right. It's all about the mindset you approach NC with. If you do it as a strategy/trick to attract the person, you are not really moving on. You're hoping they will reach out, and if they don't the pain will be even worse. You will be significantly better off if you put away all hopes and truly work to put yourself in a better emotional state. Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 I just feel too clingy to contact him right now, I need to be in a better state of mind. Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 am I just playing games or do I genuinely not want to call him right now, it would be too much I think. Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Sometimes I can't tell the difference, and I think that's the worst of all. Right now...I'm kinda both. I don't want to reach out to her. And I want her to miss me. So of course, logically I should be totally fine not contacting her! If only I could think logically, of course. Hahahahaha! Ugh.... Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted April 29, 2012 Author Share Posted April 29, 2012 It backfired! I ignored his text and he got mad at me ! Steps backward Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted April 29, 2012 Author Share Posted April 29, 2012 I called him and asked him if he wanted to hang out later, then I asked him if he wanted to come over for dinner next Tuesday. Now, I just sit and wait for his call. If he calls. I just move on if I do not hear from him I guess, it was not meant to be. Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 If you ignored him and he got mad, then at least there's still some feeling there. If you ignored him and he didn't respond, then it's not meant to be. Of course, it may not be "meant to be" anyway. If I ignore my ex for one day, she...kinda panics. She raises concerns, hidden under platitudes and distractions, but she still raises them. But we're not meant to be together; I don't want her and she doesn't want me. It's just gut reflexes at work there. Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Regardless if they got mad or not, it is the action that they take eventually. I don't believe in meant to be, just in effective communication and a mutual decision to make it work. After I vanished about a month ago from my ex's radar, he would try to contact me and we would talk for less than 5 minutes... it ate at me. So I became more selective in my communication with him and this ended up in an argument on how I deserted my friends (he was the one who dumped me for another). I told him that I have always been there for him and that the porch light is on if he ever wants to talk to me in the future without resentment on either side. I simply blocked every means of communication for a few weeks and if and only he wishes to speak to me with respect will I entertain his needs. I didn't block him for him to miss me or any sort, I have done this for me. So sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Neither do I call it NC. It's simply doing what's best for me at this point in time. Link to comment
Mayforce Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 so true! not a method to solve the problem but to find ourselves back, N/C Don't count on there being a next time. NC isn't a method to win back an ex. It's a method to making yourself healthy and free again as soon as possible. It's still going to take awhile, but the alternative of contact makes it all the more dastardly a trip. If you want to hold onto that hope of getting back together with him, don't make it longer than it needs to be. At some point it's better just to let it go and move on. Link to comment
kittykitty Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 I went pretty much NC with my ex. We contacted each other 2 times (with a 3rd attempt by me that was ignored) during a 2 month breakup. I spent the time being sad and missing him but I also know that I have so many issues of my own that I needed to work on and really started focusing on getting on with my life - meeting people and working on myself and my own views, trying hard to focus on the positive when I always used to focus on the negative. He contacted me and asked to come see me on Friday and we spent the night talking and ended up getting back together - both of us missed each other like crazy, said some hurtful things at some points but decided to not jump in but to start our relationship over. I fully believe - give him the gift of missing you but depending on how the relationship was and why you broke up. We broke up because he was overly frustrated with things and I couldn't let go of things. So it was a vicious circle that we couldn't pull ourselves out of despite having feelings for each other, we could never bring each other "up". The break seemed to be just what we needed to get back on track. He realized that he wasn't giving me what I needed and was being mean at times, I realized that I wasn't being fair by holding everything he did over his head. We will see where things go, but in this case it worked. However - it wasn't a game. I was fully prepared to move on an by no means did NC to get him back. Link to comment
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