How do you know when you're over someone?

[raccoon]

How do you know when you've reached the acceptance stage of grief? When does that happen? I'm feeling ok right now... I still miss my ex of course. It might be nice it if he called, but I know that's not going to happen and it's just as well -- I really don't have anything to say to him. And I'm ok with the thought of not ever seeing him again. I still think of him more often than I'd like to, but at the same time I don't want him around and I can't imagine being in a relationship with him again. I think I might be almost there.

 

So how do you know when you're over a breakup? Is it when you stop posting here? Is it when he stops intruding into your thoughts? Does anyone know?

 

I could use some kind and thoughtful words from people who know.

 

Thanks

[Empathy]

Somebody answer this question ASAP! I want to know too. lol

[amp1345]

it sounds like you're definetely on your way to being over it. But I can tell you that I still think about each and every guy that I've dated. My first love ended about 8 yrs ago and sometimes I still want to hear from him., or maybe run into him now and then. Sometimes I hear songs that put me back in the time that I was with certain exes and I find myself missing them. I'm even in love with another guy right now, and wouldn't change him for anything. I think you know that you're over someone when thoughts of them don't depress you anymore. When you can be happy with someone else or even on your own. I know it takes lots of time but I'm glad that you sound like you're on the road to getting over it completely. Hope you feel better, and I hope this helps in even the slightest bit!! Don't forget how many fish there are in the sea! (sorry a bit cliche)

Ash

[fmfisdead]

Alright, well you sound like your on your way, and I'm happy for you. I went through a breakup, and that happened about lets say around 7 months ago. When I finally let her go, and stopped talking to her is when I totally got over it. Or maybe I'm not yet? who knows, but all i know is, i think atleast once a day she still comes into my thoughts, but here is the thing. I can imagine her with someone else, and I don't get that feeling in my stomach, the one where i feel like i just got punched. I'm okay imagining her kissing someone else, imagining her being intimate with someone else, and I've heard that once you can do that, your pretty much over it. this is only something I've heard, and i dont know for sure. I still miss her a lot daily, but I think I am over it, and I am able to move on. Check out this website, it might help. link removed It helps out a lot. if you need anything pm me.

[Mun]

How do you know when you are over someone?

 

For me it feels like : If they don't come back and I never see them again... well.. it was a nice thing while it lasted... but it didn't last for a reason. I feel good about myself again. It no longer hurts like it used to. I'm moving on.

 

That's what it feels like for me...and I'm almost there

[ImAGuy]

is it stupid or unusual to feel the same way about depression and stuff like that even though u never went out with that person, does that show anything?

[amp1345]

I think it just shows that you must really care about them. Does the person know that you like them??

Ash

[sonjam]

Getting over somoene takes a lot of time. For some the time is short, and for others it takes longer. One thing you can not do (nor should you want to) is erase the memories. You will always have those. I found that i often think of him when a song we used to know plays on the radio, or somoene says something exactly the way he would have, or even when something really exiting happens to me, and I used to rush over, or call him.

 

Initially these things feels very intense, but eventually it does not matter anymore, and you think of other people to call when exiting things happen. You will think of him often, but those thoughts will be as easily replaced by other things, you dont have a constant heavy feeling in your heart anymore. That's when you are getting over it. And then one day you will realise, it has been a week since I last thought of him! I think that when you get to that stage, you are truly healing.

 

this is how I experienced it, now I can think of him and not only remember the good times, but also remember the bad. But only when i stop and think about it, I does not happen daily, weekly or even monthly.

[raccoon]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate your replies.

 

I think, for me, moving on to acceptance was wishful thinking on my part. I just started quietly crying for a minute... at my desk... at work. That's so bad. Nobody saw so I guess it's ok.

 

I still don't want him around. But I fitured out just yesterday that I'll never ever see him again (for the curious, by earlier posts will give you clues). I'm trying so hard to be ok with that. I'd give anything to be ok with that. The truth is, I'd give anything to see his face... but it's a face that doesn't love me - and I don't know that it ever did. And that's so hard to bear. I'm realizing that the man he is and the man I thought he was are two different people. I think I'm grieving the image I had of him more than the actual him. I'm glad I can see that now.

 

Thanks for reading my rant everyone. And thanks again for the replies - it means a lot. But I was deluding myself. I'm not over him. I just wished that I was.

 

This is so hard.

[Mun]

You are very welcome Raccoon. It means alot that you acknowledge our replies.

 

I guess in a way we are all in this together.

 

Hang in there

[light bulb]

I'm realizing that the man he is and the man I thought he was are two different people. I think I'm grieving the image I had of him more than the actual him. I'm glad I can see that now.

 

I know this feeling all too well. I still get those rose tinted memories of my ex here and there. When I realized that I was grieving over a person that never really existed (except in my own mind), healing became easier. You'll eventually be able to block out those fake 'memories' with the real ones...the ones that led to your break up, heartache, and pain. Once they've overwhelmed your mind, you may feel anger towards your ex and resent them. Eventually, the anger will go away and you'll be able to look back at this relationship as nothing more than a life's journey...an experience that came with ups and downs, but had to come to an end. Good luck.

[raccoon]

Thanks guys,

 

I feel as though I can look at a picture of him from when we were dating and think, "I miss that guy, I wish he were here now. I really loved him." But I don't want to talk to the person who would actually answer his phone if I called him -- if I could call him. I don't know that guy. I don't know that I ever did. I miss the guy I thought he was. And I guess I'm not sure I like that that illusion is going away. That when I think back I realize that he wasn't a great boyfriend after all and he wasn't the one for me. I think - and I stress the word think - its like a part of me is holding onto that illusion of him because if he actually did loved me, if he really could have been 'the one' then it's like it's proof that 'the one' actually exists. And that I found him. And that true love, fate, whatever is real.

 

Maybe I just don't want to be lonely. Where's my happily ever after?

[angelsgal]

If they don't come back and I never see them again... well.. it was a nice thing while it lasted... but it didn't last for a reason. I feel good about myself again. It no longer hurts like it used to. I'm moving on.

 

That's what it feels like for me...and I'm almost there

 

 

I wish that I could get to that stage. What happens when you have to constantly see them....at least weekly if not more....and they keep hanging around you (or hovering in your general area), but won't say anything to you? I've been very successive at ignoring him, but it's so difficult! I just refuse to let him see how hurt I still am since he'll try and take advantage of me (again) and play the "let's be friends" card again.

[fantasia2004]

you must be strong regardless

[jmh1216]

I get to the stage where it's alright if I never see her again... and really, I don't *want* to talk to her or be with her right now... but just a few days ago, I was incredibly depressed over her, and would have given anything to have her back. The memories come back, sometimes, and I have to deal with the pain all over again... *every* memory was painful... I had to cry over that. I had to feel horrible about it. Then I had to be okay with it, and distance myself from the pain. I think a lot of purging is still necessary.

 

I think if I really had someone I trusted to talk about this with, and who could hold me and encourage me to cry, it would really help.

 

It's just a long process...