Broke up/No Contact... He Emails and Says He'll Change

[sayer7]

I broke up with my bf in July and I've had no contact since-- he sent a few emails that took a lot of effort not to reply to and I've ignored his phone calls once I bought Caller ID.

 

Basically, he's through his bully stage where he tried to bully me and guilt-trip me into getting back with him. And today, after about 2 weeks of nothing from him, I received a different type of email simply asking "What do you need me to do to make things right again? I'm willing to change but I need you to compromise for me."

 

I haven't replied to it and I'm not going to, but it made me rather mad just reading it. Here is the same man who for 2 years outright told me he REFUSED to change and "would NEVER change" and that I would have to 'either accept it or dump him'. And for 2 years I was the one who compromised and sacrificed myself, I bit my lip, I sucked all my hurt feelings up and let him treat me like a doormat. I compromised and sacrificed everything (lifestyle/career/friends) and lost my sense of self-respect in the process - all in order to give my relationship with him a little more of a chance.

 

And now he has the gall to even think I'd be interested in getting back together with him and moreso, have the gall to tell me I needed to compromise a little MORE for him to make things right????

 

Am I in the twilight zone or does his behavior and email make any sense to anyone else here?

[Scout]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: this guy is just a bad package. Right now you are still in a vulnerable place, because you are lonely, and so you're forgetting what a jerk he really is. Need a refresher? Re-read all your posts here about him.

 

Yes, he had a lot of gall to say that. He had a lot of gall throughout your relationship, and it appears he still has plenty of it. The man is a textbook narcissist.

 

I hope you've gained enough self-respect in the last few months to continue to ignore him - for good. He's bad news, my friend.

[JohnnyTable]

Yeah I'm a little shocked that he is asking you to compromise. Perhaps the thing that he needs to change is wanting you to compromise!

[sayer7]

Thanks Scout-- always feel free to keep reminding me cause I know how easy it is for someone to delude themselves over time.

 

I know people say it takes 1/2 the time you were in the relationship to get over it and I know it's only been a short time but I'm hoping it remains as relatively smooth going as it has been so far. I know I'll have my down times too. Sometimes I do feel lonely but then I remember I'm now free and can hang out with my old friends without negative consequences from him-- and I call them up and go do something with them. I started a side business since the break up and I also got promoted to VP of the company I work for-- so I've been really busy with all these life changes and don't dwell on too many negativites of the past. I do notice often however how much my life has improved and so quickly since I let that relationship go. It's like a barrier that held me back from achieving positive things for myself, was lifted away. All these good things have been helping to restore my sense of self-worth and self respect but I know I still have a long way to go still and that I still need to face the fact that I need to learn to trust myself and my judgement again. I hope I keep plugging along with few setbacks.

 

And as for him being the one needing to compromise for me-- very well put Johnny. He's as arrogant and self-fish as they come....

[Scout]

Sayer, I can't even begin to tell you how thrilling that news is about your promotion!! WOW. Well done!! Gosh, that is so cool.

 

I know what you mean about the judgement thing. I had a relationship with another textbook narcissist for a year, and after it was over, I felt ashamed of myself for having put up with such disrespectful and hurtful treatment for so long. I finally just decided to let myself off the hook, as long as I never got involved in a relationship like that again.

 

Anytime you want to PM me if you're having a sentimental moment, feel free and I'll help guide you back to reality!

 

Again, many congratulations on your promotion!

 

- Scout