Boyfriend went to store and I didn’t hear from him in two days!

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

I wrote a thread last week about my boyfriends drinking problem. He drinks once every week or two and when he does, he doesn’t know when to stop. He becomes a completely different person, and it’s not a good person.

 

In the beginning of last week we talked about it, and he agreed he wouldn’t drink liquor or take shots anymore. He acknowledged he had a problem, and would stop. Well on Thursday night we went out with another couple to a comedy club. He took shots, and even though he wasn’t even half as bad as he normally is, he was still bad.

 

When we came home, we had a fight about it. I was going to sleep, and he said he was walking down the block to get cigarettes. Asked me if I wanted a pack. I said no, and he told me he would be home in 20 minutes. This was at 1AM.

 

I woke up at 6AM on Friday morning and he was not there. His car was behind mine in the driveway. I probably called him 100 times in the morning since I had to go to work-no answer. I found his spare key, moved his car and went to work.

 

Three times prior to this, he has went out all night, twice came home at 6AM and once he stayed at his dad’s and came home the next afternoon. This was three times in two weeks. A couple of months ago. I wrote him multiple letters about this and we discussed how much this hurt me. There is a lot more to the story than just having late nights. Each time he said he would be home early, and when he came home he could be barely walk. However the prior three times I did have contact with him.

 

So back to Friday. I went to work. I started to get worried, since i hadn't heard anything from him. I called the hospital, and then I called his dad. His dad told me he was fine and sleeping on his couch.

 

So here it is the 4th time he has pulled this on me, but I sighed in relief he was okay, and just waited for him to wake up to call me. I waited ...and... waited. Called him more. I texted him. Nothing!

 

Now it’s Friday night. I’m home, having anxiety attacks. I am texting him and calling, telling him how much I love him and to please come home. Still Nothing. Now it's the middle of the night and his phone is now shut off. I tried going to sleep, but I couldn’t sleep at all. I was wide awake. At 3am I just got up and started cleaning.

 

His phone was back on ringing at 10AM. Still no answer. I texted my heart out to him. How he is breaking my heart, to please just let me know he was okay.

 

At 4PM on Saturday he texted me “On the way home” That was it. That was the first thing I had heard from him since Thursday when he left to get cigarettes.

When he came home. We sat on the couch. The first thing he said was he cannot deal that I am friends with my ex boyfriend. By friends it is we play words with friends, and talk on the phone maybe 15 minutes once a week. i don’t see him except the two times I saw him with my present bf.- At a friends BBQ and my ex’s fundraiser that my boyfriend asked me to go to. My ex has a new gf and I am happy for him. he basically gave me an ultimatum. I know he has issues with me being friends with my ex, however asking me to completely cut a person out of my life is a lot to ask. And for that to be the first thing out of his mouth, shows he was trying to turn this whole thing around on me.

 

We have talked about this since Saturday. He took off work Sunday and yesterday to spend the day with me, and we have talked a lot. We do have a couple issues. But besides the issues we really do love each other. We agreed to work on this, but I don’t know if I can forgive him for his actions.

 

He told me he went on a drinking binge and said he will go to AA meetings and get help. But the thing is he wasn’t drunk the WHOLE time. He consciously ignored me when he was sober too. KNOWING how bad I was hurting. The person who I live with and have been in a relationship for almost a year, who says he loves me, left and ignored me for TWO days. How can I forgive that? He says he doesn’t know why he did it, and he has apologized many times. But is this forgivable?

 

I have been cheated on in the past, and have never felt so hurt and betrayed in my life. I have been sobbing non stop. I just don’t know what to do. The pain he has caused me is unbearable.

 

I agreed to cut contact with my ex. I’ll stop playing the game, and won’t talk to him on a weekly basis. He agreed to go to AA meetings, but says he will still drink beer. I don’t know if him drinking anything is a good idea. Those are definitely the two main issues in the relationship. I just can’t get over what he did though. This whole thing seems so out of character for him. He really is a great person besides this. I just don’t know if this is something I can forgive. How do I know he won't pull this again? This is not how you treat someone you supposedly care about.

 

The first three times he did this he said he was sorry and would never do anything to hurt me, and this time he didn’t contact me for TWO days! 


 

I would really appreciate all the advice I can get. I’m so lost

[charity]

this guy has lost control and you are on a ROLLER-COASTER of a relationship. I THINK the reason he ignored you is likely because he was ashamed of himself for going on another bender and didn't want to deal with the repercussions. also he may be trying to come to terms that he may have a drinking problem.

look laura, your boyfriend is showing who he is. believe him. what is going on right now is going to be your future. drinking, out of control behaviour, MIA, ignoring your calls. i know it is hard to walk away from someone you love but if you stay then YOU are CHOOSING this life.

[superfox]

He is blaming his drinking on your ex being around. If you went NC with your ex then in a few weeks after his next bender he'll blame you, or the couch or the dog. Basically he's using an excuse to blame his drinking on when in reality he's an alcoholic. Drinkers don't need a vodka before breakfast every day, binge drinking is just as serious.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

It's just so hard though, because I have not seen this side of him until a couple of months ago. I really do love him so much, and don't want to lose him He said if it takes his whole life, he will do whatever it takes to make things right with me-and my friends and family. I am trying so hard to forgive him. he keeps talking about the ex and then how we bicker all the time about little things, and I feel he is trying to put most of the blame on me, to take away from his actions.

[annie24]

If he is serious about you, tell him to stop drinking and go to AA else you are out of there,

[rosephase]

You need to leave. I know it's hard but this man can't give you a real relationship right now and you continuing to forgive (forgive by not following through on any consequences) him you are enabling his horrible behavior. He is not together enough or mature enough to handle a relationship.

[kaibutsu]

Cut your losses and bail. He has a major issue he needs to get through before he could possibly be in any semblance of a relationship. Things will continue on this same path until he truly decides to take steps toward recovery.

[becomingkate]

I agree - cut your losses. I know it sounds harsh, but it's the only way that you can avoid the excruciating pain of loving an alcoholic. I know, because my alcoholic DIED ten years ago, when he was 35.

Even though I am now remarried, I have never gotten over Dale's death.

PLEASE just walk away. The pain you will feel will be bad, but not anywhere near the pain you will feel as the alcoholism rips through your relationship and anyone or anything to do with it.