Boyfriend Seems Different. Should I Be Concerned By These Changes?

[StarGazer68]

I'm dating this guy. We have been together for 2 months now. In the beginning he was super enthusiastic about me and constantly was telling me he was crazy about me. I feel like he has mellowed out now and it's actually concerning me. Here are couple of things that are bugging me and I don't know if I am being silly or if it's a sign that he is less into me.

 

Problem one that bugs me:

2 weeks into dating he asked me to be his girlfriend and put the status up on fb himself and another status another time about a date we had. I was so impressed and amazed I had a boyfriend who was proud to do things like this publicly and was that excited/proud to be with me because my ex was not public about us. He even tried taking some photos of us that he wanted to post to fb but we somehow always forgot to take some. So we don't really have many together, but at least he wanted to put up photos... This all happened for a monthof dating, but within the last month, he hasn't really tried to take photos of us, hasn't posted statuses that have to do with us since that one time he did 2 months ago.

 

The other day, he said that his relative actually mentioned that he hasn't been statusing about his girlfriend so she didn't know if we were together or not which makes me think he has statused a lot about his last girlfriend.... He also used to look at my facebook a lot and I don't think he has checked my profile in probably a little over a month either. This is probably all silly to be concerned about but the difference in how enthusiastic he was to how he is now really is bugging me and I am feeling disappointed and can't help it. Also,I am a little worried that it may be my fault because I never put up any statuses or pictures of us on facebook. Maybe because I didn't put anything on facebook this whole time after he statused about me 2 months ago, maybe he thought I wasn't into that sort of thing I don't know....Or maybe it's because the last 3 weeks we have only seen each other once a week because of my schedule and so he is less into me because we are seeing each other less...I just DON'T know. But the dynamics of who he was in the beginning to how he is now have changed it seems or at least it feels like it to me.

 

Problem two that bugs me:

He used to send me these longs texts about how lucky he is to be with me and I'm so beautiful and smart and all these wonderful flattering comments just for no reason and would also say them in person because he is very good with his words and expressing himself, but I haven't gotten any flattering phrases like that in a month. He does say I'm "pretty" when we are together but that's about it and the way he says it just makes me feel like he doesn't mean it and he is just saying it. I really miss those sweet texts and I miss feeling like he thought I was gorgeous and amazing and the most unique girl he ever met. Now he doesn't make me feel that way anymore. I even sent him a video of me in my bra and panties doing something and he did say he was turned on and thought it was hot in text message, but then when i saw him in person and showed him the real, clear video because his version came out blurry on his phone, he didn't comment at all about how hot it was or how good my body looked or anything like that....so I felt silly for showing it and thought I must look chubby in it or something cause I do think I did look a little bit chubby. He used to say he is so attracted to me and can't help himself and so turned on by me and he just doesn't really say it anymore or with such enthusiasm so maybe he isn't attracted to me as much anymore.

 

Problem three that bugs me:

Just the other week, he told me he was going with some friends to see this favorite singer that he really likes and that he never comes to our state so this is a very rare occasion. He said he was going with a group of friends. Not once did he ask me if I would like to come....which I found odd, especially since he normally does ask. Also, the last time he told me he was hanging with a group of friends, he was very mindful and wanted to let me know what kind of people were going to be there because there were going to be girls and guys and he just wanted to let me know who they were so I wasn't I guess wondering....but this time around he didn't tell me who this group of friends was. And after discussing this event about 3-4 times now, I have in little ways tried to find out who the group of friends were without coming right out and asking it and I have not gotten an answer other than they are a different group of friends than the last ones he told me about that he hung out with....so, I find this fishy! He had called me before the event and even sent me a video of one song, but when I mentioned during the call that I wish I could be there, he didn't say he wished it too or anything at all, he just kind of ignored it. The other day I said twice that I was bummed I missed it and wish I had come to see this singer and he didn't say anything either time about how I should have come or how he wished I had been there....Odd. After sending the video and me thanking him for it, I didn't hear from him the rest of the night and he never texted me goodnight. But then again, he and I don't always say goodnight or good morning.

 

I don't know if this is all in my head but I really just need to get my thoughts out and vent and see what ENAers have to say. I know that my boyfriend can't stay enthusiastic and completely head over heels about me forever, but I thought it would last longer than a month and I'm not liking how I'm feeling now. I don't think he knows what's going on and I hope he isn't purposely not flattering me anymore or not being publicly proud of us together for some reason. The situation with the singer event he went to is quite odd and I don't know what to think of it. I understand he can go to things without me there but I thought he would at least say he wished I had been there or something that made me feel included or wanted there or even invited me even if he thought I had plans or wouldn't want to go.

[Ms Darcy]

It's hard to accept that someone will boost your ego constantly and then suddenly stop.

 

I am not concerned too much about 1 and 2, but 3 is a concern. I think you just need to communicate that it would be important for you to spend some time with his friends and that you would like to be invited. Also let him know you were a little concerned not to hear who the friends were during the last get together. Just state this without emotion and communicate your desire to hang out. See how he responds. He MAY be losing interest. We don't know yet.

[HeartGoesOn]

 

 

Is this the same guy?

[StarGazer68]

 

Is this the same guy?

 

Yes, but he went above and beyond to resolve that. Turned out not to be what I thought it was. He kissed her on the cheek.

[StarGazer68]

It's hard to accept that someone will boost your ego constantly and then suddenly stop.

 

I am not concerned too much about 1 and 2, but 3 is a concern. I think you just need to communicate that it would be important for you to spend some time with his friends and that you would like to be invited. Also let him know you were a little concerned not to hear who the friends were during the last get together. Just state this without emotion and communicate your desire to hang out. See how he responds. He MAY be losing interest. We don't know yet.

 

He invites me to other friend gatherings, but this he did not invite me to....makes me wonder if an ex gf was there or something cause otherwise it makes no sense. Cause he still told me about the event, he called me before it just to talk, he sent me a video, we talked about it when I saw him because he showed me the autograph he got....he doesn't really seem to be acting fishy when talking about the event so it's confusing. Maybe the tickets were a bit pricey and he knew he'd have to pay for me too if I came....I just don't get it. Yea I guess I could say I found it weird he didn't invite me or that he didn't mention what friends he went with but it's kind of hard to bring it up now that it already happened a while ago and we have discussed it a bit. Makes me come off sneaky for not asking right up front. I guess I'll have to see if he does it again and then I'll ask what friends.

[annie24]

Maybe he didnt think you wanted to go?

[alwaysmoving]

The facebook thing doesn't matter.

 

The second problem...not sure. He might just think that he's told you that stuff enough and doesn't have to keep doing so. Do you give him compliments?

 

The third problem, I think you might be overreacting. I like to do things with my friends and only my friends. I have been dating a guy for 1 month and obviously that's early, but if I have plans with my friends than he isn't really going to get an invitation every time yet. In fact my guy hasn't even met my friends. I'm meeting his this coming weekend. Even after that though, if he wanted to go to a concert with them and didn't invite me I wouldn't really care. You guys have only been together for 2 months, it's not like your lives are 100% aligned yet where you are able to expect to be invited to every single thing he does.

[RitaTrue]

I agree with this 100%.

 

OP, give the guy a break. And some space. How long do you really expect the honeymoon phase to last? You enjoy it while it's there, but eventually you go from "can't be without them" to, hopefully, mellowing out.

 

Problem 1, 2, and 3 are no big deal.

 

For Problem #1: Ok, so he's not taking pictures anymore. Maybe he likes the ones he has already. Maybe he has other things to do, besides take pictures. Are you taking pictures? What're you looking for here, quantity?

 

Problem #2: I understand that compliments and things can make people feel loved. I am that way as well. But, at some point in time, you have to trust how they feel about you, without NEEDING to hear it from them constantly. If you get on him to keep doing this, simply for hearing it, complimenting you may go from sincerity to obligation, just because he knows you feel hurt without it.

 

 

Like Always Moving said, if he wants to go out with friends--alone--that's a good thing. A friends-only thing, occasionally, is VERY healthy and should be encouraged, to keep you both from becoming too enmeshed into each other. Or from forgetting your friends. Which, if you ever break-up, will doubtlessly throw you to the dogs, like you did to them, if you forget them now.

 

The only way I'd see Problem #3 as an issue, is if he was acting inappropriately while he thought you were gone.

 

OP, you REALLY need to relax. And I'd also reccommend growing some outside activities outside the boyfriend, so that you won't be micro-analyzing him to death like this

 

Also, what are you doing for YOUR BOYFRIEND to make HIM feel loved? In my experience, people who pick the details apart of what their SO is doing for them, do very little for their SO in return.

[StarGazer68]

You're right about everything. I guess I'm just the most concerned he didn't tell me who the group of friends were. But I'll just have to let it go and see if next time he is evasive about telling me what people are there if I ask. I actually do have outside activities lol. So much so that my poor boyfriend wants to see me more often and I have only been able to see him once a week for the past two weeks. Also, I definitely don't ask for invitations and care if I get invited all the time but I kind of wanted to be invited to this thing because he was so excited about it and I really wanted to be there to share it with him so it upset me he didn't think to invite me and want me there.

 

You're right I have to trust how he feels about me.

 

I've been actually worrying about whether I'm not doing enough to make him feel loved. I'm wondering if maybe he was hoping I'd do something on facebook toward him....but I did like some of his statuses....though I have not put up pics with him and neither has he. I haven't statused about him or us yet and he has statused once two months ago about having the best day with me. I just was worried that maybe he stopped or didn't continue with the public showcasing because I did something to make him think I don't like public showy-ness or maybe he didn't continue because he is losing interest. I think I do compliment him a good amount, but maybe I should compliment him more. I haven't gotten on his case or anything for compliment me less. I wouldn't ever do that but I guess I'm having silly worries and being insecure obviously.

[Nonchalance]

 

Is this the same guy?

 

i read that, wish i didn't because that was so boring. StarGazer you talk way too much. That all was very exhausting and trivial to read. Kind of annoying to read actually, but since i read it.

 

Problem 1: You won on facebook! He has a relationship with you status. Next thing is that lots of people have facebook but don't use it.

 

Problem 2: He probably used up all his good texts that he previosuly used on other girls already... plus guys tend to lose interest in a girl after he sleeps with her, especially if sex happens before the 3rd date (or never gets sex), or she sends a text or calls almost every day. Perhaps he doesn't have much phone credit. Maybe now he still really does like you and is learning to act cool, but i'm guessing from the bra thing you sent him that he finds you less of a mystery and if he wants to see you in your underwear he doesn't need to see you he can just look at his phone. I rarely give compliments to a girl, especially if she is gorgeous and amazing... just because a girl is pretty doesn't mean i will ever tell her that and he has already told you are gorgeous, amazing and pretty so what are you complaining about. How many times do you need to hear that you are pretty in a 2 month relationship?

 

Problem 3: He probably bought the tickets ages ago and he only just met you; if he is with girl or guy friend(s) you will meet them in time if you last that long... and honestly i have mates with long-term girlfriends that they never take fishing even though the girl really wants to go and they just ignore their messages and phone calls when they are fishing; in fact that happened just the other night. You aren't going to be invited to everything. You need to have your own life and your own things to do. He probably wouldn't object if you plan something that is just you and him.

 

Honestly the only true problem i see is that you are really clingy, needy, and talk heaps. Go and do your own thing with your own friends and stop barraging such a short-term relationship with such trivial problems. A wise girl could settle bad kissing behaviour with one sincere line "are you sure its wise for your sex life to be sending your bar wench co-worker goodbye with a kiss." Yet you really dragged that thing out.

 

You are on his facebook as his girlfriend. He hasn't done anything diabolically wrong relationship wise. Even if he had done something really wrong i would say if you want to be with him then be with him, if you don't want to be then don't. You obviously want to be with him so give him some space and learn how to be attractive.