Ugh! Another OKC dissapointment... any advice appreciated

[sonicfan287]

I'm naturally very shy so I thought the online dating route would be a good way to go, break the initial awkwardness of meeting someone in person and having to tell them all about yourself by making a detailed profile and just being honest, straightforward and showing my personality. That way, if theyre interested, great and if not, they can move on. So I made my profile and I made it kinda funny, Im not making it ultra serious or anything, it's just a blurb about myself that shows my natural personality, when Im not shy or awkward. Anyway, I message several girls a day on this site and obviously I dont expect to get responses from all of them. I actually do get a decent number of responses but it never evolves into anything but me asking them a series of questions about themselves and showing interest and then they usually just drop off the face of the earth and nothing becomes of it. Whatever.

 

This particular encounter has me very frustrated though... I met a new girl on there and the way she wrote her profile just seemed perfect for the kind of girl Im looking for. She's into sappy romantic things, she's very shy, even the way she wrote her profile was kind of rambling, like she didnt know what to say about herself, kind of like myself. Im not saying this makes us perfect for each other by any means but a lot of the things she wrote lined up with things I wrote. So I messaged her and she messaged me back and she's probably the only person Ive had a long established conversation with. We've talked almost every night for the past 2 weeks and it's been cool. We've talked about meeting but we usually dont get far in talking about that. Anyway, I asked her how she was doing today and she said she had a good night last night, so I was like "Cool, whatd you do?" and she says "I had a date." Im just CRUSHED now... I made my intentions clear from the beginning that I was interested in her and she kept talking to me and never said she was or wasn't and even showed interest at some points. We've both been in bad relationships before and in fact she was saying how she had trust issues, as did I. We seemed to be on the same page about a lot of things. Now, I know that just bc she had a date doesnt mean she's going to be in a new relationship... but Im just wondering where to go from here.

 

I haven't answered her back since she said she had a date, so Idk what to do here. Should I act happy for her? Should I ask about it more, if she wants to keep seeing him or should I just leave it alone? Its just annoying because it takes forever to even make a simple connection with someone. I know theres plenty of others but Im just like "ugh, what the hell?" I know I most likely missed my chance but it just makes me think that if it didn't work out with her, who is it going to on this website? Maybe i should just try meeting someone in real life, as hard as that is too.

[Captain Obvious]

If you meet someone in real life whats to say theyre not going on dates too? People on these sites usually do date more than 1 person at a time and then weed out the people that are not right for them. Just keep talking to her how you were and arrange a date of your own, if it gets a bit more serious maybe you can talk about just dating eachother.

[lila...]

Relax, it was just a date. She's not getting married, lol. My advice for you: Ask her out on a proper date, no fiddling around making pointless, endless conversation. Someone else will snatch her up if you don't.

[annie24]

Relax, it was just a date. She's not getting married, lol. My advice for you: Ask her out on a proper date, no fiddling around making pointless, endless conversation. Someone else will snatch her up if you don't.

 

Agreed - ask her on a date!!

[sonicfan287]

Ok, pretty much what I was thinking, but how should I broach it? Just say "would you like to go on a date?" or what. This girl seems rather shy which is why I found it odd that she went on a date all of a sudden like that. I felt like if I had just gone out on a limb like that, Id get an answer like it was too soon or something but hell, I may as well go for it. What do I have to lose? Also, good points by everyone... I tend to overreact.

[annie24]

How about, "I've had so much fun chatting with you, would you like to meet for dinner/coffee/ice cream soon? How is next weekend?"

[sonicfan287]

Hey, thats actually a really good line to remember if this doesnt work out, with someone else, or even with her. Thanks, Ill try it! I like it bc its casual but still to the point. Im usually either too casual or too "romantic" sounding. Sometimes I forget that dating is supposed to be fun, and not a job interview XD

[mfan]

How about, "I've had so much fun chatting with you, would you like to meet for dinner/coffee/ice cream soon? How is next weekend?"

 

I don't think this is specific enough, given that you have already talked about meeting. Ask her to a specific cafe or ice cream place, at a specific time on a specific day and say you would love to take her out and treat her.

 

If I were you, I would not respond in any way, shape, or form to her remark about having had a date. Do not say that's great or good for you or anything else. Her other dates are none of your business, unless you want to become her trusted loyal platonic friend. She shouldn't have mentioned it, but now it's your turn to show big time class by not sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. Just play your own cards following your original plan, and continue pursuing her in your own way.

[Ms Darcy]

Chill out man. You're on a dating site ... of course she's dating. Stop jabbering and ask her out.

[sonicfan287]

Lol I think "chill out" would be good advice for me in everything when it comes to my life. On the online dating front, it appears everythings gone cold. I asked her out and she said she "wouldnt mind except that we're an hour away" which is more or less correct (OKC only gives you the town theyre from so we could be closer or further for all I know). I messaged her back saying that we could meet somewhere half way if she'd like but she never responded and she's been online since then so Im guessing the distance thing was just a way to let me down easy... and so the search continues...

[CatchersRye]

Lol I think "chill out" would be good advice for me in everything when it comes to my life. On the online dating front, it appears everythings gone cold. I asked her out and she said she "wouldnt mind except that we're an hour away" which is more or less correct (OKC only gives you the town theyre from so we could be closer or further for all I know). I messaged her back saying that we could meet somewhere half way if she'd like but she never responded and she's been online since then so Im guessing the distance thing was just a way to let me down easy... and so the search continues...

 

Only an hour? Where do you leave? A place with no roads, buses, cabs, trains, or metro stations?

 

How old are you two?

 

I would suggest looking at places in that city she's in and meeting there for the first date.

 

Does she not have a car? Do you not have a car?

 

It's a first date, it's not marriage, just meet and see how it goes. It could be her shyness poking through. So make it easier by planning to meet in her city I say. My girlfriend lives an hour and about a half away, and that's fine. We aren't driving to each other everyday, we meet up.

 

EDIT:

 

If you haven't messaged her since that, then I would message her one more time with the idea I had. But you don't want to be with someone that's too nervous or shy to try and see you.

 

BTW, two weeks is long enough to ask to meet. One week is enough for me.

[Glowguy]

Try not to get so attached to someone you haven't met in person yet. You should be going on dates too! In fact, she may have told you to motivate you to ask her out. Maybe she is tired of waiting and that's her way of letting you know that she is going to move on unless you act. I would have pounced on that and and offered right then and there "Hey - We should go on a date - How about this weekend?" I usually ask to meet up after two or three communications so you might want to push the envelope here and move things forward.

[sonicfan287]

Yeah, I usually wait too long or not long enough... Im not good with social cues, especially over a computer where I cant read body language. That said, she is extremely shy and her profile reflects this but thats what I liked about her. But because shes shy, I dont think she'd say if shes interested directly or say that she's not for fear of hurting my feelings. I did message her again, suggested we meet somewhere in her city. We'll see if that works, if not, its not the worst thing. I just suck at OKC and online dating in general so the very least Id like to get out of talking to someone for that long is one date. I usually dont get past "hello"

[sonicfan287]

She's 21 and Im 23, we live in CT, so thats why theres not much distance. I agree that an hour isnt that far but she seems to think it is. And yeah, theres nothing here in terms of metro. I have a car and so does she, so thats out the window as well