Natasha70 Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 I have been married to my husband for 7 years and have 5 year old twins with him. 8 weeks ago he left tlling me he was going abroad to meet family and would be back in 5 weeks. It was just another lie and he actually left for good. He worked and kept all his money and lived off me. He was abusive, a lier a cheat and thought he was always right and I was always the wrong person. He acussed me of having afairs and would judge me on the way I dressed and did not want me to go uni to complete my counselling degree. Ke just stayed on the sofa watching t.v and eating and drinking, while I looked after him. He wanted me to treat him like a baby when he was ill and when I went to hospital for a op and got home he had gone to William Hill and I had to phone him to let me in the house. Even though he has gone and I used to tell him to leave me alone, I miss him badly and feel so lonely. He was selfish and greedy but I was co-dependent on him. I am only able to see the nice things about him and not the beatings, cheating and lies he told me. I feel so alone and miss the company. I would appreciate some tips to help me cope as I am at rock bottom, and hate being like this. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 It will take a while to get used to the new lifestyle of being without a partner..but you know what, over time you will learn to enjoy the freedom of being your own person and not having this guy around tearing you down. Has he abandoned his children? Do you have parents who can help you get back on your feet, help with the children etc? Link to comment
Natasha70 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 My parents live 200 miles away and my mum is having treatment for a brain tumour, so for her sake I have to make it sound like I am coping. I have 4 kids from a previous marriage (that husband suffered from Bi-polar) then I married this one. He used to verbally abuse my other kids and as well and the police were involved several times. He is now sending messages to my friend telling her he is going to remarry and that I was a phyco and unless the twins (his kids) can make him proud of them he would rather they keep away. The lies he told me make me feel like a idiot that he had pr planned everything am I fell for it. He had a funny grip on me and I still feel I am stuck in his web. He has financally, mentally and physically ruined me and then gone back to his family to play happy families. I have 2 marriages and both have been ill (the 1st bi-polar and the 2nd narcisstic). I am actually afraid of men now as they just hurt you, but I do need some friends who have been through the same thing to help me cope. I feel so hurt and betrayed its affecting my life. Link to comment
ManOhMan Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Hold on, be strong, and keep your head up. When these nasty people try to bring you down, stand defiant in their face. Bless you sis, yotu will come through this stronger and better than ever. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 I really feel for you Natasha. Understand that the feelings of missing him that you have are part of a phenomenon of being with an abusive person over a period of time. I was in a 10 year relationship with a man who developed fully-blown bipolar in the last 2 years and he did really crazy stuff. I can honestly say that I'm over him although I did go into another relationship after that where I was hurt badly. Like you, I don't ever want to be hurt like that again. My life is much better today although I do think that there are some scars, but I certainly wouldn't say my life is hopeless or miserable. In fact, a lot of the time, I'm happy. Good riddance to him Natasha. If you ever want to mail me, feel free. Give it time. Make friends, have interests, cherish your children and family. Love yourself. HUGS, XXXX ps There is actually a man in my life who treats me MUCH better than the last 2, and he is even much better looking LOL. I have a lot more in common with him, but I'm much more careful. I'm better at taking care of myself now. Link to comment
trixi Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 You now need to heal and make yourself your priority as your kids need you. Link to comment
mg22 Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 Iam so sorry Natasha for all your pain. Of course you feel bad, who wouldnt after being in a abusive relationship ! believe me i went thru something very similiar. You have been thru years of abuse, this pain you are feeling are emotional withdrawls ! you will heal in time, abusive relationships are harder to let go ! but you will get better i promise you. In th meatime focus on your kids, espcially the twins, iam sure they are confused as you are, one day they will understand why you are much better w/o thier father. Link to comment
Natasha70 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Share Posted April 11, 2012 I am now in the process of moving home. As I pack the things I get flashbacks of all the times we were together. I can only think of the good times and seem to have wiped the bad times away. I still find it so difficult to think how someone can tell so many lies and then walk out on you not wondering how you are going to feel. He posted msg's to my friends telling them how he is going to re-marry and start a happy life while I am left alone to bring up kids. I feel so alone with a very dark future. I gave him my hrt and he just put it through a mincing machine and left it and walked out leaving his twin daughter and son. He doted on his daughter or I thought he did and then to dump her and walk out I can not come to terms with. I just want the pain to go and get strong enough to cope and enjoy myself again like I once did. Will I ever be happy again.......? Link to comment
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