Narcissistic ex from 5 yrs ago still emailing me!!

[sandrawg]

I dated a guy for a year who was a horrible, horrible verbally abusive narcissist. I put up with a lot of just, mean behavior from him. In a lot of ways, I feel I am still traumatized by the insults, the attempts to cut me down..I won't even go into details. It was only through therapy I was able to leave, and he was horrible to me all the way to to the end.

 

Not long after the rel'ship ended I put a filter on my gmail that he and I usually chatted over, so that he'd get an automated "foook off" response. I noticed last yr that he'd figured out my yahoo account. Sent me some pathetic msg about how he wanted to go for coffee and express his "gratitude" for our relationship and how it made a positive impression on his life.

 

I didn't see the msg til a year later.

 

Well, I must have accidentally deleted the filter setting on my gmail, because I got 2 emails from him on that account just today. I re-applied the filter, and OF COURSE I'm not gonna reply to him.

 

I just wonder, for those who've dated a narcissist ...is this what they do? just HOUND you for years, til they get a response? Why doesn't he go find another woman for his narcissistic supply? I refuse to be his victim anymore!!!

[Moontiger]

I would send it one message: "If you contact me again I will consider it harassment and will contact the police. Do not email, text, call, or in any other way contact me again."

 

Put the filters back up or even change your email. Its just creepy that he keeps contact you.

[sandrawg]

I'm honestly enough intimidated by him that I'm afraid to even send that message.

 

I did put the filter back up. He doesn't have my phone number because I changed it after we broke up, and he no longer knows where I live.

 

I would send it one message: "If you contact me again I will consider it harassment and will contact the police. Do not email, text, call, or in any other way contact me again."

 

Put the filters back up or even change your email. Its just creepy that he keeps contact you.

[EgoJoe]

What did all of the emails say? Paraphrase the indentifiable details but post the rest word for word. It will help me get an idea of what is what.

[LDRohnos]

Uh... are you sure they weren't old e-mails or ones that were just written? The chances of him randomly writing two e-mails in the minutes since you took it off are slim to none.

[sandrawg]

I didn't JUST remove the filter. I probably took it off a few months ago.

 

And no, these weren't old emails.

 

To answer the previous question, he wrote "What have you been up to?"

 

In the 2nd email, he referred to a tragedy that happened in my home town just today.

 

 

 

Uh... are you sure they weren't old e-mails or ones that were just written? The chances of him randomly writing two e-mails in the minutes since you took it off are slim to none.

[LDRohnos]

Ah, well in that case huh! 5 Years is a long time, maybe he's still trying to prove something to you. Anyway, doing the right thing...no point in replying.

[RedDress]

I find this post interesting and timely for me. I dated a guy... ummm... 3 years ago (?) who is someone I would qualify as a narcissist. Actually... I didn't even know what the term really meant until we broke up and I was trying to figure everything out.

 

Anyways... my answer to your question is "yes". He emailed me last night, in fact. I had unfriended him on Facebook and when we broke up I had told him he was a good guy (stroke, stroke, stroke that ego so he doesn't attack) but that I had a policy against being friends with exes and I just couldn't do it, it's not you it's me, etc. At some predictable and some unpredictable times, he still attempts to contact me. Predictable times include his friend's wedding (we had some commonalities) and any time he sees me about town. Unpredictable times too when I enter his thoughts for some reason (at one point I think he was dating a girl from my high school). Each time is an email about him, how great he is, often telling me he's single and asking to go out. I usually answer a brief "no". Answering leads to an argument/kerfuffle which results in him going away... until I re-enter his mind for whatever reason. Then he forgets I want nothing to do with him and he reaches out again.

 

It's very strange.

 

This time I'm not going to answer at all. I've not wanted to do this because we have some mutual friends (twice removed) but... I'm really done with it. I suggest you do the same. Giving him attention - even negative attention - is what he wants. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

[EgoJoe]

I didn't JUST remove the filter. I probably took it off a few months ago.

 

And no, these weren't old emails.

 

To answer the previous question, he wrote "What have you been up to?"

 

In the 2nd email, he referred to a tragedy that happened in my home town just today.

 

I think that a true 100% narcissist would not just ask about you. My advice is to be objective and use your brain.

[sandrawg]

A narcissist would indeed ask about me. Anything that gives him an entree. I'm not sure you get true narcissism.

 

This guy simply needs attention.I think he must be low on narcissistic supply...no gf at the moment or something.

 

The guy was so abusive to me--just seeing his name causes panic attacks. He'd get mad at me for every little thing and blatantly flirt with and ask girls out on dates in front of me. He hated my dress, my smell, my small boobs and make it clear any chance he got. Funny, cuz now I'm a model, and have had my photos in magazines and make a living off my looks.

 

It's hard not to fall into their trap and just give them a piece of your mind, but I know it does no good.

 

I'm setting up gmail so his msgs will go straight to the trash.

 

I think that a true 100% narcissist would not just ask about you. My advice is to be objective and use your brain.

[sandrawg]

Was your ex also abusive?

 

Because of the way I was treated, just seeing his name in my inbox gives me panic attacks.

 

But yeah..you are better off not replying with ANYTHING.

[LisainFL]

Hi Sandrawg,Yea I went though months of "hell games" with a narcissist....I thought he was BPD but no It was NPD.NASTY BAS**** I was also having panic attacks!!And ended up in the ER on Valium!!! He WILL do anything to provide What HE wants and needs if it appears @ first he's doing something nice.....don't fall for IT!!!!IT's A WAY TO GET BACK IN!!!Everyone should be schooled in these "folks".It's all about NS(NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY)And, their sick needs!!! Unfortunately, They are emotionally screwed up and cannot love so everything is haywire "EMOTIONALLY"I think they are the meanest to the people they "hold" most dear or who loves them ....If that can even come into play.....If you got one of these around RUN don't walk away!!!It is a killer in every sense.Love yourself!!!BECAUSE THEY WON"T!!! YOU GO Sandrawg, YOU GO GIRL!!,LISA

[septembermourning]

This is totally true! I have a narcissistic ex from 4 years ago that still texts/emails and sends me friend request on facebook. I never blocked him, just ignored him. He also caused me horrible pain but i'm so over it. I have tons of posts on here about the pain he put me through. i actually left the state I lived in to get away from him in part. Ironically, he has now moved to the state next to me. i ignored him for 3 years but recently out of boredom and indifference I have actually responded to him. According to him, he is completely haunted by me and will never be able to replace me. He has proposed twice after not hearing from me or knowing me for 3 years. Knowing he's a narcissist, he probably tells this to lots of other women but I will say he has been pretty damn consistent for 4 years. lol. Honestly he was so horrible, I do derive a little satisfaction from this. He is the only person I have ever known where I have felt this way and not felt guilty because I know he is a narcissist and has no actual conscience nor does he actually care about anyone else's feelings. Obviously his obsession with me is not love. But yes, tis is the narcissist way. The only thing that is weird is that they continue to contact for years when they are getting absolutely no response or narcissistic supply as it's called. I am guessing they just send out tons of contact to various people all the time hoping someone will bite. It's really very sad. I am just thankful I have no feelings left for him and got away from him. thank god. feel so bad for people who marry these people or have children with them.

[Belle]

My narcissistic ex from 5-6 years ago still tries to get back with me. I cut him off for an entire year, but then when I didn't care anymore derived a bit of pleasure from torturing him. He received narc. injury and it did get to him, as much as it can get to a narcissist. I made the classic mistake of thinking he's not that bad and we have had on and off contact for hte last 4 years or so. He's still sick, a liar, and unpleasant to deal with because he's always attempting to gas light. I asked him to go away for good. He's just too insane to deal with at all. I never took him back, though. I was just a little bit sadistic, because I felt he deserved it. I've never done that with an ex before.

[EgoJoe]

I know a bit about the topic, but, I find it a little odd that instead of discourse the OP instead decided to doubt what I know when all I said was that I don't think. Anyways...