Friend Whose Engaged Ran Into Ex - Advice Please

[MrAdversity]

Long story short my buddy ran into his ex (he is engaged for a year now)

She acted most inappropriate (touching, flirting etc) but nothing sexual or kissing happened -

 

He explained that he walked away from the situation before it got bad, she has kids and is married obviously would give anything to be with him ..

 

He calls me this morning and says he feels so terrible, but has told his fiance about the situation that he ran into her felt nothing, and walked away from am awkward sitaution, left out the touchy inappropriate demenor ....says he still feels knots in his stomach from the meeting -

 

How to i give advice to this?

 

He is a great guy, would never cheat or has never for that matter, and loves his fiance ,

 

I told him it sounded comparable to going to a strip club experience where the girl tried to touch but you dont - and as he walked away without doing something bad it should be fine, ... i know if it was me i would feel weird too but i keep going back to the fact that nothing actually happen so its not as bad as it could have been - it was just an aggressive girl trying to be seductive and he wouldn't allow it to go further -

[RedDress]

I'm just guessing... but I think that if he feels guilty to the point where he told his fiancée and he feels "sick to his stomach" - while nothing happened, he probably let the flirting and touching go on longer than was necessary. One wink and a touch on the arm doesn't send you confessing your life and to te bathroom vomiting. It was more than that.

 

I would just - praise him for stopping things - but suggest that the next time he sees things going that way that he should just bail earlier. Say he has to run to an appointment of sorts or whatever.

 

I think that's about all you can advise. You can't stop others from flirting with you. It WILL happen. You can just cut it off sooner (like a telemarketer... you don't let them finish, do you? Lol!)

[MrAdversity]

Your absolutely right thanks, just glad he didnt go and do something really wrong - i guess these things do come up in life and i think it was an eye opener for him in a way that made him realize what he really had in his life and that one screw up could ruin that forever ...

 

I doubt that he would ever see her again after this ....but i know if it was me i would be paranoid i would run into her again with the fiance, if she was that aggressive once who knows what she would say given an opportunity to make up some lie or something thats what guys really have to worried about ...

 

Hopefully bc she is married and has kids this was a fluke thing that will never happen again for his sake as he has cut off all ties - and most likely it did go on a smidgen to long but he did walk away from it being strong not letting escalate to a point of no return

 

- its like the age old question if a girl kisses you out of no where, who is at fault?? The woman would undoubtedly ask - Well did you kiss back? I mean in that situation 9x/10 most women would believe you did kiss back so its a tough scenario to man up about but at least he was honest right up front and the most important he did not have relations with her,

[lavenderdove]

I'd question why on earth he feels so guilty... it's not his fault if some woman grabs him...

 

And if he let it go on too long and go too far, maybe that is why he feels guilty, he liked the attention or needs to learn social skills to just walk away when someone acts inappropriately.

 

If you want to help someone, sometimes it helps to just put something in perspective... this was no big deal, no harm, no foul so he needs to just brush it off and forget about it.

[WhenWillILove]

Perhaps he still has feelings for his ex. Or like others said, the innocent flirting went beyond the norm.

[RedDress]

and that one screw up could ruin that forever ...

 

I prefer to think of them as choices. It's more empowering. One bad choice can ruin it forever. But... one bad choice (to steal) can also land you in jail or one bad choice (to jump off a bridge) can also get you killed. It's no different than anything else.

 

- its like the age old question if a girl kisses you out of no where, who is at fault?? The woman would undoubtedly ask - Well did you kiss back?

 

To me, it's very straightforward and simple. I would expect him to react the same way that he would if a man kissed him, an extremely unattractive person kissed him, a homeless person who hasn't brushed his teeth for 10 years kissed him, a camel kissed him, etc. I would expect him to push the person away and say "what the hello!". Unwanted and unsolicited sexual contact is an assault. Very simple. If you are not reacting like it's an assault, it's because... maybe it's not.