Would like to hear some input...

[slushie]

My ex-gf broke up with me about a month and a half ago when she was away for the summer. Since she came back home, we have been hanging out and have been intimate at times. At this point I'm getting some mixed signals and I'm a little confused as to what I should do.

 

We have spoken about "us", and she has said she still has feelings for me. However, she says that she is going through a stage where she is "finding herself" and that being in a relationship is something that she doesn't know if she could handle. There are no other guys, I know that for a fact. I also know that she is not looking to date or explore other people. She is questioning her path in life and as corny as it may sound I believe she is questioning things on a spiritual level.

 

She does still act in a way that is more than just friends. Whether it's emailing multiple times in a day, or calling every day, there are signs that tend to get my hopes up. On one occasion, she told me she got jealous when she thought I had gone out with another girl. Ultimately, I would love to hear any advice about the situation and whether you think I am just holding on to nothing.

 

Thanks a bunch

[craigblitz]

She is questioning her path in life and as corny as it may sound I believe she is questioning things on a spiritual level.

 

Well there is a ccouple of things I think about this. It happeneds on life and it seems to be more with females that they have to break free ties from everyone to "find" themselves. Unfortunaltey, this comes at the expense of you heart.

 

What to do, if you can handle it be there for her. Be supportive of her, let her know that you are there and do care. This is going to be hard my friend... you want more but she can not give this right now. The fact is relationships are never 50/50 sounds like you are at the 90/10 give take. Can you do that? This is not easy and you will have to demonstrate a level of maturity and patience like you have never shown.

 

Also there is the option not to get caught up in all this and walk away. It is your call.

 

One thing I did notice " She is questioning her path in life and as corny as it may sound I believe she is questioning things on a spiritual level. " Why is that corny? Most people have some type of spiritual need, but anyway the thing is it sounds like you think it corny, but if you are going to do this you have to be supportive and understanding.

 

Good Luck

[slushie]

Thanks for the reply. I certainly didn't mean to put a negative twist on her finding herself. You're right, it's not corny and it fits her as a person. If I take a step back from it and put it into perspective, it is an appropriate thing for her to do and is a positive thing. As you say, I am kinda stuck in the middle and that is difficult. Time will tell I suppose.

[vicki]

Hi,

I hate to sound negative, but I almost could have written that a month ago. He needed some time to himself after 2 years, didn't know if he could be in a relationship right now, etc. I was SURE there was no one else. He kept sending me mixed signals for weeks.

 

Guess where he is now? With someone else, who he knew before our breakup (not going out with, only knew).

 

So, don't waste time worrying what every move meant like I did. It only serves to break your heart over and over. Move on. If she wants to come back, she will. Otherwise, you would have wasted alot of emotions like I did.

[craigblitz]

Well take things at a balance.. I have been then there for my ex and things are going wonderful so it can work. The point is be there if you want but never stop living your life. You have to keep looking out for yourself.

[RayF]

Hey slushie.

 

i COMPLEATLY relatet your situation.

 

My ex is doing the same thing as yours. "finding herself". becoming more spiritual yada yada. That and the fact that shedidthink there were a few problems with the relationship, mainl, our mutual negativity was bringing eachother down, and she was right aboutthat,

 

However, i simply do not understand this finding myself stuff. I dn't wantto sound likea jerk and say it's all BS, but i justcannot comprehend it.

 

I mean, i understand a bit. Because i am doing something similar. Her dumping me has forced meto look insidemyself, try and grasp whatmy weaknesses are, understand my inner self and erase pain from my past. So it is the same kinda stuff.

 

Here iswhat i don't get, i think that things could be even better now. and i want a girlfriend agian, specifically her yes but there is also a nother girl in my life now that i'm becoming close with, Nevertheless i am still going to be going down this bettering myself path because i am beccoming enlightened spiritually and thats something nothing can change.

 

So I don't understand why she needs to be apart from me to do this. It's the same deal, and when i spoke to her after a month of no contact she was adament that she does NOT want a relationship. maybe someday but most likley not with me.

 

However she is saying how she feels we connect and can offer eachother something others can't so she hopes one day we can become friends. Personnaly all i find this to be is offensive.

 

I realize that this is still some of the old me shining through but i need to be defensive to my feeligns in a situation like this, so i told her to pretty much stuff it. But i did soin a non judgemental and loving way. I told her that i couldn'tbe strong enough to do that, probably ever because my feelings are so deep for her. and thats the truth.

 

i don't believe that she should have her cake and eat it too, get her personal freedom and have me in her life, know what goes on in my life and get to feel that connection that she seemingly only cares about right now (the friendship connection) when i'm here suffering.

 

It's not fair to me. She's saying probably never. And i look at it this way. if she loved me as much as i loved her, truly, why wouldn't we be together right now? thats a painfull realization but a realization none the less.

 

Some days i do question myself, if i remained in her life some day she might come back to me, if not , maybe she won't. but the truth is nothing has a gaurontee and at the end of the day, maybe 6 months from now i'll be in a better position to be her friend. right now all she's doing is tearing my heart out even if its not intentional.