Difference between porn and real sex

[PlayingAces]

JMHO. Everyone's entitled to express theirs, otherwise wouldn't it be quite redundant to be a member of an advice forum? LOL ...

 

 

I suppose you think it's necessary and so I will respect that. While it doesn't offend me, I personally don't need such private details of your relationship to get where you're coming from and process the point you're making. Perhaps others do (maybe the men on this forum?) We'll agree to disagree I HOPE.

[OptomisticGirl]

Your posting in the sex forum Playing Aces, we're advice on how to give blowjobs is given, details of sex life, what makes us orgasm, what works best for some... If its something you don't like reading then my advice would be to not post in the sex forum as the very nature of this forum is to go into details, especially a thread entitled the differences between porn and real sex.

[PlayingAces]

Well sheesh, aren't you just a little ray of sunshine?!

 

Yes, I know what forum I'm posting in, Optimistic. I enjoy the mature discussions that sometimes (honestly, all too infrequently lately IMHO) take place. Since we're for some reason wasting time stating the obvious ... You're posting on a thread about the difference between porn and real sex. Now if it were a thread titled "you're hottest kinky sex experiences" - my comment would have been like a million percent unwarranted. With that being said, I still do not see how your comment relates intelligently to this topic. Maybe my mistake is in assuming people who post a thread would like to gain something meaningful from the exchange of thoughts.

 

I have noticed that a lot of women seem to relish in divulging these very personal sexual details, that to me are just superfluous and aren't useful to the original poster. I have often wondered if it's to get the men of the forum to acknowledge them and stick up for their posts, hence my comment earlier. Not saying that's what you're doing indubitably, it's just a hypothesis on my part. I've often thought about addressing previously mentioned brainstorm but have never wanted to because the hypothetical in my mind included a big argument. So I intentionally stay away from the distateful threads, because I have a little class and don't wish to participate. I didn't think this question the poster was asking was distateful, maybe a little bit immature ... so I suppose I will add "immature" to the list adjectives I will avoid here on Enotalone so that I don't interfere and rain on everyone's parade. Yes, I am willing to ignore the threads all together that I feel my sentiments of will not be esteemed by the majority of the users here. How thoughtful of me? Not really, I just like totally don't care enough to rock the boat.

 

I respect everyone's opinion, regardless of if I feel their thoughts are valid or informed. Even if someone's value system is obviously way off kilter, I think there is a right way and a wrong way to disagree. Just because my morals are a little more conservative than yours, I don't think you have to be so defensive, and we definitely don't have to come at each other with our claws out. Why are you so defensive anyway? I only wish that when something is posted in the Sex & Romance section, we could focus more on what is relevant and helpful than who can be the most graphic and promiscuous.

 

I've noticed that we seem to disagree on nearly every topic. Is it intentional, do you solely want to pick a fight? If we can talk further and have a real conversation sometime, I'd be more than happy. Otherwise I don't want to waste my time arguing, and I don't want this to continue in a way that will get me or you flagged.

 

I'm always happy to try to explain my reasoning and POV to others here. I think there is something gained from saying, "I understand now, even though I won't agree". I suppose you don't share that same philosophy. Your loss, shucks!

[OptomisticGirl]

Not being defensive Playing Aces - but I will point out you were the first one to start the discussion by asking me was it necessary to post those details. So to answer that question, yes. Your posts give the impression - or I took from them at least - that anything other than straight forward sex, porn like sex as you called it, can't be done with an emotionally connected couple because the bases OF porn is emotionless sex. My post was to point out you CaN have porn like sex while beig emotionally connected and it be pretty damn hot. The fact emotions ARE involved is what makes it hot.

 

As for details... Well, some people don't mind sharif details and has nothing to do with trying to attract males attention. I'm a happily married woman - whose husban is also a member of this forum - male attention is the last thing I want/need. And seeing as Hers - a woman - agreed with me, it seems to not be not just men. I dont go around picking fights - however you asked me a question and I answered. If you don't like the overly detailed, promiscuous posts that is your right - but that doesn't mean the rear of us need to be 'questioned' about whether or not it's useful to the topic. I wouldn't dream of questioning whether yor reserved view on sex is prudent to the topic - because it's your view and how you view it. Which is probably the reason we dot agree on any topics - I'm as far from reserved as you can get. I'll respect anyone's opinions - as long as they respect mine.

[PlayingAces]

Make no mistake, I'm not saying or implying (and NEVER have), that wild, passionate sex is emotionless. My question to everyone is, what is "porn like sex"? Most people will assume that you're meaning emotionless sex, because that's what porn depicts. So please, if you can, set the record straight.

 

And another thing, my values are obviously very different from yours. My husband would be very upset if I were on a forum telling everyone the details of our intimate life together. That is the moral system that I am coming from. I'm assuming that in your marriage, you both regard sex in a different way than I or my husband would. I respect that, while I will never relate to that, so all I'm asking is that you please respect my POV even though you can't relate. I treat others as I want to be treated.

[OptomisticGirl]

Porn like sex - to me - is rough grabbing, taking, pounding like there is no tomorrow, no care to who orgasms, you just want to screw that person pretty much. Whereas in a healthy relationship during sex you almost always strive to make sure your partner has an orgasm or you take your time.. That's my definition of porn sex anyway.

[PlayingAces]

Sex can be a little rough, passionate, and wild without being a selfish act. Have you never read a good steamy romance novel? LOL

 

I don't know what to say about the orgasm thing, because I think people focus too much on reaching their "peak" and forget to enjoy the journey and not just focus on the destination.

 

So porn sex pretty much is emotionless in your experience/opinion, then? I don't think you answered this definitively yet.

[OptomisticGirl]

Yes I have - but steamy romance novel and porn sex are different. Being a selfish act is what makes it porn like - IMO.

 

No, porn sex in my experience isn't emotionless - as what my first post was about. The hottest kind of sex I've had with my husband is porn sex - and the fact we have that emotional connection made it all the more hotter. You can def have porn sex and it still be emotional per say. The big O may not be your end goal - just getting it on may be - but that can most def still be emotional.

[PlayingAces]

But you do at least cognitively acknowledge that "selfish" doesn't necessarily make one think of sharing emotions, right? Do you see how that statement lacks common sense?

[PlayingAces]

Well since its my sex life I think I can determine what's too personal and not.

 

And since I'm the "audience", I think I can determine when I feel you're overstepping the "etiquette" line.

[OptomisticGirl]

For my relationship it's a different kind of sharing of emptions

[OptomisticGirl]

And since I'm the "audience", I think I can determine when I feel you're overstepping the "etiquette" line.

 

Your not the only audience Playing Aces. You don't like my posts fine - but I have just as much of a right to post as you do, whether you agree with my 'etiquette' or not.

[PlayingAces]

That's the point I've been attempting to make throughout this whole ... discussion.

 

I also noticed something that I had missed in one of your earlier posts. You say I'm reserved regarding sex. My question to you is, have you ever worked in the adult film industry? I have (take that however you want!), and maybe because of that there are certain issues regarding mental health and pornography I may feel more strongly about. Everyone's opinion should be respected. I've been telling you the whole time I respect your views, and I seek to understand where you're coming from. I only wish I would receive the same courtesy.

[Lonewing]

And since I'm the "audience", I think I can determine when I feel you're overstepping the "etiquette" line.

 

We're all the audience - and we've been perfectly fine with the "etiquette" line being defined by the author and if necessary the moderator - and the moderators merely act to make sure we're not vulgar or rude!!

 

If she's comfortable sharing her sex life, it's all hers to share. If you're uncomfortable with this, perhaps you should refrain from visiting the Sex and Romance forum. "Overshare" is quite common here.

 

The "Adult Talent' that I have met from the industry described their onset performnce as "having sex with a camera present." Your feelings about porn as sex are really not all that far off how some people feel about real sex having never seen porn in the first place. This "selfish" type of sex occurs and often, we perhaps can say that the ONS/NSA/FWB situations evolve out of a "I'm getting mine, and you're getting yours, but I mostly care about getting mine" sort of arrangement. What OG has with her husband, well, that's another thing altogether - it may be difficult to understand how that can be, but it is!

[OptomisticGirl]

You are receiving the same courtesy Playing Aces - at least, until you start to question what I as a poster should and should not be posting because it doesn't follow under YOUR etiquette views. I highly respect the fact you don't want to read detailed sex acts, but simply because I respect that doesn't mean I'm going to change who I am and how I post for you. I'm not reserved, I'm not quiet, and I have no problem with talking about sex in graphic details. If this offends you then please put me on your ignore list. Your entitled to your opinion and views but please don't push those views on others simply because I'm okay with posting something. And that's all I have to say on the matter really. If you want to respond to me PM.

[PlayingAces]

To address Optomistic first (two against one is always fair), I don't want you to change who you are or what you do. Why would I care either way? I just wanted the same respect I was giving. Thanks for saying it, I appreciate it. My point regarding "etiquette" is that while you have the right to say what you feel is appropriate, so do I. I feel that by talking with people who have different view points, each party will come away having a more open minded, fair, and balanced opinion. So I don't think that just because some of us disagree with the way certain people conduct themselves on the Sex & Romance board, we should have to stay away completely, or censor our posts to conform to the overall behavior of the majority of posters. But as I said before, it's not worth it to me. I can have these conversations with friends who will sincerely listen, and while we may debate the issue at hand, come away from it with our positive attitude towards each other still in tact.

 

I will try to respect Lonewing, but I'm not a Saint. So here goes - this is my response to you, Lonewing ...

 

This was really an issue I was discussing with Optomistic. I don't know why you're even getting in the middle of it.

 

She can share her sex life in whatever ways she wants. That's her first amendment right - freedom of speech. But she's also an adult, and there are consequences. That goes for anyone who posts private things online. People WILL judge you, you're putting it out there for people to comment on. If you don't like to hear about it, then I suggest you don't post something that you know may be controversial or offensive to some people.

 

I get that overshare is quite common. My only issue with it is that I feel it may be prohibiting certain threads to produce a mature and healthy resolution to the problem. I've said that throughout this whole "debate".

 

I don't care about the "adult talent" you know (interesting choice of words, btw). In being in the industry and working with women who are recovering from that situation, I have NEVER heard anyone describe their experiences as "having sex in front of a camera". It is, for most women and young girls, a humiliating and very uncomfortable situation that will haunt them for years to come. I'm pretty sure your rebuttal will be, "oh yeah, they're really uncomfortable ... that's why they're looking like they're enjoying it SO much, right?! That's why they orgasm, right!?" Typical male response, typical male thinking. Men like to forget that there is really no market, save for "rape fetishes" or necrophilia/dead fantasies that features women not enjoying it. Unless you've walked in someone elses shoes, you shouldn't just assume things, especially regarding people who have been in the porn industry. It is an experience that changes you as a person, it can even take your life.

 

How dare you tell me what my opinions are and how they compare to others, Lonewing. You don't know me from Adam. I'm not even sure the point you're trying to make here. My opinions of porn are no different than most peoples' opinions of real sex? Clarification, please. It seems like you're just typing things to try to appear that you actually have a point.

 

I never made any assumptions about Optomistic's marriage, because I think that's idiotic considering I don't know either of them on a personal level and never will. My point is that my husband and I would never disclose information like that on a public message board, but I respect her choice and I wanted her to give me the same level of maturity and understanding and not attack me just because I don't follow the same liberal, hippie train of thought.

 

It's not "difficult" for me to understand how she can have a great, hot sexual relationship while being in an emotionally giving marriage. If that's even what you were saying? Once again, I'm having trouble disconcerning what you were trying to get accross, maybe you can clarify this for me too. I too have a great sex life, but I guess I'm secure enough in myself to not need to plaster it all over the place for everyone to read. I can see why you'd be on Optomistic's side of the debate, because you got to hear all of her juicy details which I'm sure is enjoyable for you.

[OptomisticGirl]

Playing Aces, you demand respect for your opinions but then call the other side's views 'hippie train of thought' and then anyone who disagrees with you must be only disagreeing with you because they like to read the details. I think you really need to retread your posts because they are very contradicting. Will I respect someone who thinks less of my view and expresses that in passive aggressive terms? No, I won't. You talk about a mature debate but your entire post above is riddled with pop shots at the other - my - view. It's gret you and your husband wouldn't dare post your personal lives on the board, doesn't mean my marriage follows suit. I know what my husband is an isn't okay with me sharing. So again, if my hippie train of thought offends you, block me. I'll do the same.

[PlayingAces]

I don't think less of your views, I just don't agree. Your views regarding sex are very liberal, yes. I'm sorry that the word hippie offends you, I didn't mean it that way. I only meant that you're very seemingly broad minded and progressive about sex and porn.

 

I don't need to block you. I have a life outside of this forum and my mood doesn't revolve around what is posted or discussed here. Maybe you should reread my posts and notice the common theme, which is that I'd like to agree to disagree. I understand that your marriage is different. How many times do I have to say that I respect that? Let me try again to get the point accross - I RESPECT you. I respect your opinion. I was only asking for that same courtesy back. I even thanked you just now when I thought we reached some sort of a resolution.

 

I'm not saying everyone is disagreeing with me because they like to read the details. I'm saying I'm sure most men will defend your openness with your sex life. If you need that explained further, you don't know the male mind very well.

 

What did I say that you interpreted as "pop shots"? Definitive examples, please.

[hers]

Actually lonewing has every right to be involved. It's a forum and he can share on what he wants. That's the focus of a forum

[PlayingAces]

True, he can post whatever he wants. But it was an issue between Optomistic and I. I would have privately messaged her, but I'm sure that would be perceived as inappropriate or invading her space.

 

I don't see the point of making it more complicated, however I'm not intimidated by taking on more than one person at a time. So here I am. Does anyone else want to completely ignore what I'm really saying and harp on every little word or phrase I use? I'm agreeing to disagree. Everyone here seems to want an argument. I'm open to debate things in a mutually respectable fashion, but I'm not going to allow myself to be insulted or bullied. I will stand up for myself, that's just who I am. I just don't want this taken to a level where there is no tolerance of another's view.

[hers]

You then have the ability not to post. To agree to disagree, one has to stop fighting for the topic at hand.

[PlayingAces]

Go back and read from the beginning. It takes two to have an argument. Optomistic could have at any time said, "I want to stop debating this", and I would have respected that. I truly feel this is a waste of time. I just wanted to get to a place of mutual understanding for both parties. Guess that's not possible.

[Lonewing]

If you want a private conversation where nobody else gets between you and the other person, then you need to take it to private messages. Otherwise, you're in a public space where EVERYBODY is equally likely to hear what you have to say, and likely, equally likely to respond.

 

What I know about you is that you're new. It takes a while to become accustomed to any space and this space is no different.

 

Now I use the word "talent" because that's what the human element is called in the entertainment business.

 

There may very well be a number of people who leave the industry feeling very negative towards what they have done. This is not a universal opinion for either male or female talent. Some will come away having enjoyed their expreience, while others will come away feeling as you've said, a humiliating and uncomfortable experience. It really does depend on the person involved with the act.

 

Regardless of how they enjoy sex, the whole reason there's an orgasm is because it's a penis in a vagina, even if it is on camera, and that alone is all that's necessary - though not a guarantee - for an orgasm to occur. It's kind of like sticking a finger down the throat: it induces a gag reflex. Hence why I've said from the beginning of this thread, the only real difference between porn and sex is the presense of a camera. Yes, there are a lot of positions that really don't do much for either or both partners, but it's about the process and the enthusiasm, more than anything else. And int hat process, there are positions and elements which are indeed quite exhilerating!!

 

There's one last thing Ive considered. I've heard it said that what a lot of men would love most, is if more women were like pornstars in the bedroom. Take that however you wish to take it. What I take it to mean is that more men would enjoy women who are more proavtice when it comes to sex - "just lying there" really doesn't cut it for most of us! [though we won't say much about, it at the time!]

[PlayingAces]

 

What I know about you is that you're new. It takes a while to become accustomed to any space and this space is no different.

 

I was actually a member here many years ago, and when I came back I had forgotten my log-in information and was not able to access the e-mail I had signed up with, so I had to make a new account. But thanks.

[OptomisticGirl]

True, he can post whatever he wants. But it was an issue between Optomistic and I. I would have privately messaged her, but I'm sure that would be perceived as inappropriate or invading her space.

 

I don't see the point of making it more complicated, however I'm not intimidated by taking on more than one person at a time. So here I am. Does anyone else want to completely ignore what I'm really saying and harp on every little word or phrase I use? I'm agreeing to disagree. Everyone here seems to want an argument. I'm open to debate things in a mutually respectable fashion, but I'm not going to allow myself to be insulted or bullied. I will stand up for myself, that's just who I am. I just don't want this taken to a level where there is no tolerance of another's view.

 

Considering I specifically said 'if you want to discuss this further with me, PM me' I don't really buy the space argument.

 

I can more than agree to disagree - however what rubs me wrong is the way in which you SAY you want a respectable debate but your posts don't indicate that Playing Aces. AT ALL. You flip fop. One minute your telling me what I should and shouldn't post (if you REALLY respected everyone's opinions you would never have said a word about it) and that I'm not following in line with your 'etiquette' and then the next saying 'oh no, it's cool.' Mixed signals. So no, I don't respect others opinions who obviously don't respect my own - and I'm sorry Playing Aces but every post you have made since your first has not respected my opinion to write about MY sex life in how I chose to.

 

As I said in my first post - you don't want to read specific sex details I suggust you don't lurk in the sex forum. Just as you shouldn't curb your responses for the vast maojrity of posters, I'm not going to curb how and what I post about because of ONE poster. I NEVER would tell another ENA member what to post or how to post it when it was none of my business how they posted. There's the difference though I guess.