Would you try for another pregnancy if you had more than two miscarriages?

[petite]

I really don't know. I'd have to know what was causing the miscarriages, and my physical and emotional health. I've seen my best friend go through trying to get pregnant, then being pregnant and having miscarriages then trying IVF a few times and only after a couple attempts it being successful. Thankfully she did not misscary the last time and now has a beautiful little boy, but was on bed rest for quite a number of months and the disappointments of failed IVF and the miscarriages really affected her. She will never be over it, she is glad, so glad and happy to have her son, but it is very emotionally painful to go through all that she has.

 

She has a supportive partner which is amazing, and they really rolled with the punches together, but there were times when she literally could not get out of bed for days because she was so hurt, depressed, and saddened by what she thought was her fate. Having gone through it with her so closely, spending nights and even days in her bedroom just sitting there and being quiet, or attempting to feed her was really draining on me, so I can only imagine how painful it all must have been for her. There were days when her husband couldn't do anything, the three of us would just sit and be quiet and it felt like she was in another world. It took a lot of therapy for her to be okay with what happened, okay in terms of accepting what happened and moving on, but she will never really forget it or get past what happened. It was very, very tough.

 

I'm not sure I'd want to go through that, I don't know. I really want a child, my fiance does too, but I think if I was on the verge of losing myself completely then I'd just give up trying - I really can't answer at this point though, because just the thought of all this makes me really, really sad.

[Seraphim]

I wish you were on bc, Vic. I can't say what I would do in your situation, until I've been there. But I do care about you ( as weird as that is, given that I know you only on a forum) and I don't want you to hurt. I know how your heart still breaks for Liam, as well as for the younger one. I remember how your husband did cartwheels down the driveway when he heard you were pregnant last year. I want him to do cartwheels for something that won't end in heartache, and I want you to do cartwheels with him, at least figuratively speaking

 

Thanks rocio, that means a lot. Four miscarriages in 10 years has been a lot for me, both physically and emotionally and once has almost cost me my life. The reason I am not on bc is a religious one primarily. The other reason is 22 years ago and I realize a lot has happened to improve bc in the meantime, but I was on bc then and it made me pretty emotionally unstable. I was screaming at people in almost like a blind rage at the drop of a hat. My husband who was then my bf was actually afraid of me. He said I would just fly into rages. When I stopped the bc that stopped and I returned to my much more sunny sweet self.

[Seraphim]

To the other ladies who have said that miscarriage changes you forever, yes it most certainly does. I am a more solemn person for sure.

[OptomisticGirl]

I can't say for sure unless I was to experience it. Just the thought of losing a child wrenches my heart, I can't even fathom what it's like to actually have to go through that physically and emotionally. I'd like to say at some point I'd have a point were I couldn't continue (perhaps in a situation like Belladonna pointed out, that there are multiple miscarriages in a row) but it would come down to WHAT was causing the miscarriages if they could find out.

[thejigsup]

I've only had one miscarriage that I am aware of. I was close to 4 months pregnant and my son was about 3-years-old. I had a guy I was casually dating at the time force sex on me and I got pregnant, lucky me! I broke up with him immediately and about 2 months later I found out I was pregnant. I called and told him about it and he was thrilled (I wasn't). About a week later I started to bleed heavily and cramp something fierce. Not like labor, but uncomfortable cramping. I was home alone with my son and the bleeding just got heavier and heavier. I called my brother's wife and she rushed me to the emergancy room. They saw me immediately and no matter what they did, they couldn't stop the bleeding. When my blood pressure went down to 60 over 30 they rushed me into surgery and gave me an emergency D&C. It saved my life. They later told me that they were surprised they were able to talk to me and I was giving rational answers to them. They said when the blood pressure is that low, you pretty much gone. That scared me and I was absolutely anal about bc after that. I would only allow oral sex most of the time. When I was done with menopause I started having intercourse again and that was great. Still, NO WAY, I was chancing that again! I had to think of the welfare of the child I already had.

[Seraphim]

^ Yes, it is miscarriages like yours and mine and border on horrific and almost deadly that make one want to avoid physical closeness like the plague.

[DWNWRDSPRL]

My wife and I have suffered three in a row. The last one we lost our son at 20-21 weeks.

 

She had to deliver. It was agony......for both of us.

 

We decided that three attempts was going to be it for us. We have used barrier BC methods since combined with watching the calendar closely to avoid coitus when she is most fertile.

 

We always said we would never be open to vasectomy but I have one scheduled at the end of the month. At my wife's urging, I agreed to have it done.

 

We are in our early forties so realistically we are getting a bit long in the tooth to do two a.m. feedings, diaper changing, etc. We have a son and I will watch his old baby videos and reflect on how much work that really was.

 

As far as getting sterilized, it was a decision that took me nearly a year to "think over". I love being a father........and I am a real good father according to my son, wife and everyone that knows us. The emotional aspect of surgically altering my fertility has been a steep uphill climb for me. Closing a chapter in my life, so to speak. I am ready now, at peace with it, and prepared for the emotional side of things if afterwards I get that sad feeling after getting the "all clear" from the urologist.

 

But seeing my wife cry after she delivered, watching myself break totally down in that L&D room, and the aftermath of that tragedy.......I can't do my wife like that again nor can I put myself through it.

 

I think it would depend on the age and the number of miscarriages and is one of the most personal decisions a couple is forced to make. It's a horrible thing for a woman to go through.....and for a man if he is aware of what is really being lost. And it is hard for a man to understand how deep a wound like that is for a woman.

 

I know a little about that and it changed me as a husband, man, and father. In some ways for the better, in some ways for worse.

[Seraphim]

^ Yes, my husband was very devastated about our baby lost at 16 weeks. I delivered him and held him in my hands. My husband had knee surgery the same week. He was so distraught he put the crutch he needed to walk with through the hospital wall.

[DWNWRDSPRL]

We had a 26 hour labor. When he was born, I came apart but in a calm manner.

 

I just sat there and wept. I was in another zone. I vaguely remember my wife telling one of the nurses that she had never seen me like that.

 

It was as if someone had taken everything from me at once. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think......all I could do was sob.

 

Totally helpless.

 

Almost six years ago........and the tears still come when reflecting on it.

[Seraphim]

Yes, you lose a piece of yourself when you lose a child. My son will have been gone 5 years this May.

[DWNWRDSPRL]

^ Yes, it is miscarriages like yours and mine and border on horrific and almost deadly that make one want to avoid physical closeness like the plague.

 

I have seen that in my wife. Avoiding me at all cost during ovulation days.

 

I can tell you that it stings the feelings a bit. I still feel a tinge of rejection even though I know her motives are understandable.

 

We are both longing for the "all clear" call so that we don't have to worry with those feelings: her apprehensiveness during those days and my thoughts of rejection.....if that makes any sense.

 

Hopefully, it will bring us even closer. Keeps me strong when I think of scapels, stitches, frozen peas....that kind of thing. lol

[SamiJayne]

Hey Victoria,

You are so brave, I look at you and wish I had a tiny bit of your strength. I wish I did. Before we had Ben, we had two miscarriages and we lost our Sophie. But we went on to have Ben, and he's now 2 and is amazing. But then we just had another miscarriage, and they can't find anything wrong with me. I'm just unlucky!

 

I think if you want another baby, you should go for it. It's scary, but you are well aware of the risks. it's you that has to do it all! x

[Seraphim]

^^ Hey SamiJayne!! Awww you ARE brave!! Just as much as me. Believe me.

[SamiJayne]

I think some people just want a child, or more children so much that the pain they go through via miscarriages and child loss etc is worth it. I had two miscarriages, and was more than happy to find out I was pregnant with Sophie. She died after 3 hours, and I was desperate to get pregnant again. I then had Ben, and had another miscarrage. And I am scared. I got over my last miscarrage so easily. I cried for a day, and then on the day it came out of me. I feel like I'm becoming expectant to having to lose a few to gain one? hard ? cold? Immune maybe?As I expected to have a miscarrage and I ended up having one. And I felt fine with knowing that? But now I'm like will the next one be another miscarrage? or a baby that dies in my arms after birth? or will I get my another Ben?

I really think it's about how your mental health is, and what support systems you have for yourself.

Someone mentioned surragate... But I don't think many people are aware of the costs... In the UK it's around 7-15k . It's expensive.

[Seraphim]

Yeah surrogacy can run as high as 100,000 here. That would be the only way I could have my own child though, BUT, I am not willing to do artificial methods.

[enchanted771]

I still would try. My boyfriend's ex-wife had 10 (she has problem with her uterus and tubes or something) and they had 2 boys. So, yes I would try. Would probably have to be more cautious of stuff when pregnant, and would be more paranoid but I would.