Bizarre break up, seeking female perspective

[anthony06]

Hi,

 

So, I'm 23. My girl was 22. At first I was reluctant to date her because I knew her in college and she was a bit loose. We were friends, I just wasn't willing to open up beyond that. Then we got older, she seemed to calm down, and still,she wanted to date me. I wound up falling head over heels for this girl like no other person I've ever been with. It was actually surreal, that our connection was so strong. We started dating last June...then around November she out of the blue said she wasn't happy and left me for a 28 year old guy. I was devastated and a little creeped out. December rolled around, circumstances changed, I took her back.

 

Things were good up until about 3 weeks ago, now the cycle is repeating itself. She blew me off 3 nights in a row saying she was tired, I called her the 3rd night to see what was really going on, and she dumped me. She said we were arguing too much, that she needed to grow up and focus on herself, and she wasn't happy being with me anymore...this was totally confusing for me because less than a month prior to this breakup she was talking about moving in with me. In any event, I figured she was confused and needed time so I tried to wait it out. A week and a half after our break up, she started seeing her boss who is a recent divorcee, has a child, and is 37 years old. Again, this girl is a young 22. She's openly admitted she is with him because she's into father and authority figures, and that because he's so much more mature than she is, he's a good tool for her to use to grow up right now. When I questioned her about the practicality of dating a man in such a different life position than herself, she claimed they weren't discussing anything long term, and that all she cared about was that she's happy now. Yet, she's already considering quitting her job working for this man, because the other waitresses are gossiping about her putting out for the boss.

 

Obviously, I need to move on. Thats not the question. My question is, whats this girl thinking? Do you believe a 37 year old recent divorcee w/ a kid would want a 22 year old girl for more than an ego boost and sex? I'm just confused right now, my annoyingly immature gf just left me for a 37 year old and I want to understand the psychology behind it....thoughts? perspectives? This girl was abused sexually as a child, but not by her father. So idk if that plays a role in her wanting a father figure.

thank you, in advance for reading through all of this.

[anthony06]

To add, she's not just considering quitting her job because of the rumors...she said it was incase they started seeing eachother, there would be less drama. in other words, she would quit so they could more easily be together.

[SuperDuper]

Does it really matter why she is seeing him, or why he is seeing her? Of course we can all speculate but none of us truly know... you're in the best position to know this.

He could have previous issues where he only wants some fun right now, and this girl is giving it to him. Perhaps they have a stronger connection than you two had and you don't know about it.

 

Honestly... what does it matter? You'll only find out for sure by asking him/her and you definitely shouldn't do that. You should go your own way and NEVER look back.

This girl broke up with you TWICE and you're still wasting time/energy trying to figure out HER life.

 

She clearly isn't thinking too much about you so why should you be the one going through this? Both times she broke up with you she quickly found another guy... you may have felt a connection with her but she didn't find it too hard to get over apparently.

 

Move on Anthony, you obviously want something special with somebody who will reciprocate... and this girl is definitely not the one.

 

Spend your time thinking about YOU and this girl will only be a joke in due time.

[anthony06]

you're right. i've wanted to understand for the sake of closure, but i don't think i'm going to get any. i need to forget it. thanks

[annie24]

This girl was abused sexually as a child, but not by her father. So idk if that plays a role in her wanting a father figure.

 

She was sexually abused so this could play a big part in it. He's also an older man, presumably with more money than you, and maybe she likes the gifts he is buying her? I dunno. I obviously don't know her. I agree that you can't possibly know either so you have to give yourself closure. The bottom line is that she chose another man, the reason is unimportant. You deserve someone who is good to you and crazy about you and I hope you find her.