WHAT THE HELL (sorry for the length)

[maverick]

Alright, i'll try to explain this as best as possible. Let's start from the beggining. My girlfriend and I have been going out now for about 6 months. At the end of the summer, we told eachother we would stay together and that things would definitely work out. Last Saturday I gave my gf a call and she never called back.....Sunday morning she didn't even bother to say, "sorry i didn't call back, I was busy..." Sunday night she talks on the phone for about 10 minutes, being very distant etc. Monday I call her, she doesn't answer, and doesn't call back later on. Tuesday we didn't even talk on the phone, and very minimal chatting online. Wednesday I definitely knew something terrible happened, because of the way she was acting on the phone/online. Thursday I wake up and she im's me saying that we needed to talk. So I answer he call and she goes, "I just wanted to let you know, I kissed another guy...." I was like, "when did this happen...what the hell, how could you....." She goes, well, it happened last weekend. I was glad she was honest with me, but so disappointed in the fact that she had only been at school ONE WEEK before she cheated on me, and then waits 5 days to tell me.

 

Anyways after flipping out and going crazy for half of the day, we talked at night, I forgave her, tell her I still trusted her and hoped everything would get back to the way it was asap. She told me it would never happen again. So Friday afternoon I decided it would be best for the relationship if I visited her at college. I took the car and drove 6 hours to see her. When I got there things were fine, it was as if nothing happened and I was happy. Saturday morning she was being very distant, didn't have anything to say and ultimately it was incredibly awkward to be around her. I tried to talk to her and she asked me, "would you still feel the same way about me if we weren't together?" I said, "first off, are you trying to tell me you don't want to be together?" and she goes, "no.....i just want to know." I said, "i would still have strong feelings, but obviously they wouldn't be on the same level, how could they?" She goes, "well I could have the same feelings for you." So the rest of Saturday was very awkward to say the least, we didn't settle anything and I was extremely frustrated, understandably so. We went to this party and I felt like I was gettng the cold shoulder, all I wanted to do was talk and get some reaction...something to work with.

 

We went back to her dorm room and started talking, then she asked me, "do you love me?" i said, "we've been over this before....i do love you. i don't know how to describe it, it's a feeling not only i can say, but i can/have/will continue to show.....driving 6 hours to talk to you should let you know that." She goes, "well, im not old enough/experienced enough to say I love you yet....." I was like, "well i respect that, im glad you aren't just saying it for the sake of saying it to make me feel better."

 

Then she goes, "I feel like I can be with you, have the same feelings, but hookup with someone else...." I said, "so what is the deal?" she goes, "is this an open relationship now?" I was like, "well I'll let you decide that..." So basically that's where it ended. I booked plane tickets to see her again in mid october and asked her if I was still welcome, she said "i want you to be here."

 

Honestly, I really don't know what to think. For her to ever cheat on someone, especially a person she claimed to have such strong feelings for is totally out of character. I know adjustng to college is incredibly difficult...but everyone is in the same boat. I would love any advice at all to help me cope with this. It's pretty difficult. I did forgive her, I do still trust her and I still love her, regardless of all that has happened. I want to know what to do, how to go about it and ultimately what decision to make. I have a feeling that by Mid October, if things haven't progressed and she hasn't realized she needs to make a change in how to go about all of this, i tihnk im going to call it off. ANy advice is welcome, thankyou so much!

[guy40az]

Well I have a couple of questions for you

 

1 Do you want her to be with only you (exclusively?)

 

2 If question 1 is yes would you still want to see her if she was seeing other people and you were seeing other people too?

 

I think it is clear she wants to see other people but how do you feel about that?

[longrun]

From what you have described upthere, I would say she's kinda ungrown up. All the things she did and said to you are obviously showing her immaturality, so like she said she wanted an open relationship, maybe she just has the intention to try something new instead of settling anything down with you as being still this early age.

If you are sure you could handle all her juvenil behaviours and crazy thoughts and decisions, it is not a bad idea to still pursuing her and let her know that you are the one.

[The Enigmatical Mr X]

Either she has no desire for a monogonistic relationship, or does not have enough respect for you to sustain one.

 

You only live once, true, but this relationship will have you die a thousand deaths.

[maverick]

To be honest, there is no way I could hookup with someone else knowing she is still my girlfriend....call me old fashioned, but I can't. I can understand where she is coming from, wanting to not "miss out" on college....but if she is too immature to handle this, then it isn't worth me getting repeatedly screwed over. Thanks!