scorpion666 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Just a question im stuck on....when would be the right time to send a apology letter out to your ex after a nasty break up? Its been 7 days of NC and im feeling better and proud, however because we have parted on very bad terms i also feel within me that i'd like to send an apology letter out to her, telling her that im sorry for the way i acted after our break up and how much i have hurt her and that i hope some day down the track we can be civil/friends..... im not expecting a reply from her because i know she hates me and has plenty of resentment with me but its more about feeling better about myself and getting it off my chest.... And then in another way i dont want to send it because she also said/did a lot of things that hurt me and she treated me like * * * * * after the break up too....so i dont know Background info just incase you havent followed my threads on here: 3 month LDR relationship that i broke off because she was breaking up with me emotionally....i have regretted it big time and have learnt my lesson but its to late as she doesnt want anything to do with me and has apparently "moved on" What do i do? Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 You did the right thing dude. Don't succumb to her guilt trips. Women will do that to you. You're not responsible for her feelings. Don't send anything. She has already forgotten you because of all of the other dudes willing to supplicate themselves to get some middle action. Just let it go, learn the lesson and move on. YOU WERE A MAN about it now keep it up. You did the right thing for dumping her when she emotionally checked out. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 The right time for an apology letter is never. If you are apologizing for how you acted after you were broken up unless you crashed her car or something like that - no need. An apology letter is sort of a way to keep things going and the pot stirring. The contact will probably be unwelcome also this close to the break up/. Write a letter for YOU and don't send it. Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 She treated you like crap after the break up and after 7 days NC you want to apologise to her? Cut the strings, she doesn't deserve or need an apology. Even though it was only a 3 month relationship, 7 days is really nothing in the scheme of things. Give yourself more time to think it out. Link to comment
ClarityCoast Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Well...I guess I stand alone on this one... My ex and I have been back and forth for 8 months (I know...). Sometimes, yes...I act like a total jerk. So why do *I* send an apology? Because I work in a field where I hear about and see horrible accidents and fatal events every day. Even when I'm really mad at him...I'm always reminded, "Life is short. What if that was him? Or you? Would you want the last words between you to be filled with anger?" The answer is always 'no.' I mainly send an apology because it makes ME feel better. It will probably get you no where...but if it makes YOU feel better...well, its your choice. Link to comment
scorpion666 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I understand what you are all saying, i guess im just the type of person who hates having enemies and i just think its sad how something so beautiful could end so terrible but when i stop and think about, she was very nasty to me after the break up eg:she threatened me, rubbish me and our relationship/sex life all over the internet, made up stories and even though i broke up with her she already checked out of the relationship emotionally etc and thats the only thing stopping me from writing to her because in a way i dont believe she deserves an apology..... however as i said, i would down the track like us to at least be civil...its been a month since we split and 7 days NC so yeah im still unsure..... Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 here's an idea: why don't you write that letter to yourself. You should be sorry for even thinking about it....so apologize to yourself for your obvious lack of clarity and judgement. when your done writing it, spray it with your cologne and mail it to yourself. Just busting your chops bro......don't, under any circumstances, write it or send it....hell, you shouldn't even be thinking it a whole whopping 7 days into NC. Trust the advice here - NOTHING good will come of this. Strict NC....block/delete the social media....monitor any email and check back here before you even think of responding.....got that? Dont mail it.....you have been warned.....the consequences will be far more painful than the breakup was, to your ego, your self esteem and pride. Link to comment
doyathink Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I dont like bad blood between me, and someone I love/did love. What if they died the next day? Would your ego be satisfied that it held its ground and never knelt down to say Im sorry? Im sorry for the things that I did to hurt you?! Who cares if theyre sorry for what theyve done, but I think its noble to be able to appologize to those we hurt. Ive done it to everyone Ive ever hurt...at some point. Usually not just a week out....but at some point. I didnt care if I ever heard from them again, but I wanted them to know that I was truly sorry for what Id done to hurt them. If you and your best friend were to hurt each other...wouldnt you at some point tell them youre sorry? Even if your friendship was over? Link to comment
rig01 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 My reason for writing the letter I've been rewriting and editing a million times over is closure. If I sent it, that would be my final goodbye to her. I'd finally be able to let go. If I don't, I'll just keep editing it and that means I'm still dwelling on her. It basically spells out everything I've wanted to say that I didn't get the chance to. While I admit some fault for my own behavior, I also say she completely shares the blame, and I genuinely tell her to watch herself in her new relationship so she doesn't do the same things to him. As much as I hate how she did it, some unsuspecting other guy doesn't deserve the same BS she gave me. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I don't send it is just in case she was planning on contacting me someday to reconcile. The letter is not going to change her ways I'm sure, and she might never contact me again anyway, so what would be the harm in sending it? I'm still resisting ACTUALLY sending it, but I'm feeling like it's getting more and more to the "perfect" letter to express how I feel. Blah, I don't know. She hurt me a lot, and this would be SO cathartic, but at the same time I don't know if a final goodbye would make her respond and open up something worse for me. Link to comment
scorpion666 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Exactly how im feeling, as i said im not expecting a reply from her and would be very suprised if i got one but im more sending it as a final goodbye letter for my own benefit and closure not so much to stir the pot or get a reaction.....She has hurt me a lot too and is to blame for half of the mess and in a way there i don't know if she even deserves a letter because of how she treated me but then as other people have said i hate ending things on a bad note with those whom i loved......I dont know...im so confused....even if i were to send it how long should i wait before sending it? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Exactly how im feeling, as i said im not expecting a reply from her and would be very suprised if i got one but im more sending it as a final goodbye letter for my own benefit and closure not so much to stir the pot or get a reaction.....She has hurt me a lot too and is to blame for half of the mess and in a way there i don't know if she even deserves a letter because of how she treated me but then as other people have said i hate ending things on a bad note with those whom i loved......I dont know...im so confused....even if i were to send it how long should i wait before sending it? You are soooo expecting a reply. If you aren't, then write the letter, print it off and put it in a drawer. You have already ended the relationship on a bad note. Nothing you say or do from here on in changes the past. You will not change how she feels -- she won't feel guilty, she won't feel remorse. She may even delete it or throw it away without reading. You don't know, and you shouldn't care. Link to comment
scorpion666 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 its so hard to let go i dont want to. i want her back so much ughhh Link to comment
FreeFallFeelin Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 its so hard to let go i dont want to. i want her back so much ughhh Finally, the truth. ^^^ You're not writing her an apology letter for some high minded altruistic reason. You're writing hoping that she'll think it's sweet and understanding, and that it will convince her to come back to you. Well, the chances of her coming back after a short 3 month relationship that ended on a sour note are slim to nil. And my take on apologies is and has always been this - they are always too little too late. An apology should be a very rare thing that comes from the depths of your soul. Link to comment
scorpion666 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 so i guess its a no no on the letter then? i am sorry for how i behaved after the break up though.... Link to comment
doyathink Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 You can send it if youre sure you can handle what she has to say back....if she says anything at all. It may help, it may not. If youre going to do it tho, do it for YOU. Link to comment
scorpion666 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 Deciding against this now....... i broke NC last night because i hear from mutual friends that shes going around saying that i left her for some one else when she knows thats not the case, so i text her this and her reply is "yuck fu** off" nice to know she hates me that much Link to comment
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