How do I make myself let go?

[Empathy]

I'm really having a hard time letting go. Even though I know I'm not going to get him back, I still can't let go. It's as if my subconcsious is talking me into believing that he's going to come back to me. And sometimes, out of nowhere, I'll get this feeling that we're still together even though I haven't talked to him in over a week. This may seem odd but it's as if I've accepted it but I'm still in denial about it at the same time. How do you make yourself let go? Especially when you're not ready. What if I'm never ready? It's easy for people to tell me, "You just have to let him go" but actually doing it is a completely different thing. Isn't there a chance that I may never let go? I'm hurting so much and I'm so lost right now. I don't feel as if I've progressed very much as far as the healing process is concerned. I want to let go so badly. I don't want to love him anymore. I don't want to care about him anymore.

[herewegoagain]

Empathy - i feel the exact same as you. My mind knows that my ex gf will never come back to me, but my heart thinks that she will. Like you, I'm trying so hard not to want my ex back, but it is harder said than done. It's an awful feeling, believe me, I know. it's been almost 2 months for me, and I still miss her, but at the same time, I'm trying to get myself to hate her just so i can move on.

 

As they all say, it just takes time.

[The Enigmatical Mr X]

I wish there was an answer to this.

 

When it comes down to it, you will let go. It is human nature to survive, and your mind, your body, your soul will all do what they need to to make this happen. Love, in all it's intoxicating beauty must have its absense felt when it is wrenched from your soul.

 

When those apparent small things in your life return to bring you joy, you'll be over him.

[Vert]

Enigmatical is right. Your human instinct it to survive and right now your body is running on shock. Soon you will become numb to feelings about him, and your instinct to survive will kick in. It does hurt when something so precious to you is ripped from your psyche and everyday life.

 

It will take time so learn to do activities outside of what you normally did with him. If all you do reminds you of him then you won't get anywhere. Run, workout, hang with your girlfriends, etc. Do what makes you happy and does not constantly keep him on your mind.

[justtwicethen]

Ive been through what you are going through.

 

She was my first love...it's been a year since we parted. Till today I love her, as if I just saw her yesterday.

 

We're in NC...I get the feeling she just doesn't like me..

 

Just imagine the pain I go through, being in love with someone and hearing from them once every 2 months...

 

But I guess I don't lose hope. One chuggs along until the heart just lets go..someday.

[light bulb]

For me it took time and going out and having some fun.

 

For the first few months I couldn't let go at all. I was a complete wreck. I thought my life was a total loss and I thought I'd never love again. I thought all girls were evil and placed on this earth to hurt me. I began to contemplate suicide, thinking I had no reason to live on. Then out of the blue, I woke up one day and felt kinda good...like there was some tiny glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Feeling good helped me to think with fewer emotions which eventually led to me healing and letting go. I've been broken up for 4 months now and I've continued to make great strides in healing on an almost daily basis since I saw that light. Let me tell you; you will too, I promise! Maybe it'll take you longer than it took me, maybe not; but I promise you it will happen.

[BroknWngz]

What Oatmeal says is true. I couldn't have said it any differently or any better than that. I experienced the exact same thing as he did. Although he is further along than I and it's taking me longer evidently...haha. I've been apart from mine since May 1st..and I still hurt occasionally, but the sting is not as sharp. And believe me there were times I was on my knees...my heart actually hurt, physically hurt, because I missed him so. Now, I don't know that I even want him back. If he was capable of hurting people this way, why would I want someone like that, is how I'm beginning to see it now. I think the clouds are finally beginning to clear for me, and they will for you too. There are actually moments I catch myself NOT thinking about him. All I could think about was him for soooo long... I was with him for over 5 yrs...and very deeply in love. Nothing has ever hurt me as badly as losing him. But I AM healing, and you will too..just be patient with yourself. You are going to have to grieve, as hard as it is, it's necessary....it's a process, allow yourself to go thru it, and don't judge yourself. Just let it come, and eventually.....u'll be over him!

Won't that be a great day??? Good Luck....and hang in there..

[fantasia2004]

I would like to know how long it takes for people to let go of their loves or how long do they keep hoping for their exes to resume contact. My ex although I never meant to push him away , I hope maybe if possible that he would call on his own to chit chat.

[XTiNUH]

i know exactly how you feel. the only real answer (that worked for me) is time. my ex left me for his ex, so he got back with her and just left me stranded. things left unsaid, and questions unanswered. i was so hurt. everytime i tried talking to him he'd ignore me, or blow me off. this persisted for about three weeks when i finally just told myself to not IM him anymore. a few months later, to my surprise he was the one that initiated conversation, but i simply told him i wasn't interested in being his friend anymore. he had proven to me the kind of "friend" he was already, and i didn't accept it. i forgave him, i just don't want to be his friend anymore. ahh- ive strayed from the original topic.. i ignored him for five months before he talked to me. i just busied myself in homework and friends & many prayers to God.

 

"everything is gonna be alright, everything is gonna be alright, everything is gonna be alright; be strong, believe." - yellowcard

[light bulb]

I would like to know how long it takes for people to let go of their loves or how long do they keep hoping for their exes to resume contact. My ex although I never meant to push him away , I hope maybe if possible that he would call on his own to chit chat.

 

I still love my ex, no doubt about it. I was with her for 7 years and loved her greatly. Not having her in my life completely shifted my world. I hoped for a while, but eventually decided on my own that it wasn't healthy for me to sit and wait around. I had to take back my life and live it happily if I was ever to heal. It took me 3 months to realize this and, like I said earlier in the thread, once I did everything changed. I was in charge of myself again!

 

The only thing that could set me back at this point would be if I were to run into her anywhere or hear about her doing something (especially with another dude). Not knowing anything about her makes healing so much easier. I still miss her and think about her, I'm not gonna lie, but for my sake, I hope she never calls me or emails me again. I don't think I'm strong enough to handle that yet. Besides, I KNOW she'll just end up hurting me. I deserve better!

 

Things I did to heal faster:

1. Started surrounding myself w/ the opposite sex as much as possible. Friendly convo and flirting made me feel special, wanted, and appreciated again.

2. Bought a whole new wardrobe (well, almost). Sure, it was a lot of money, but it made me feel good about myself again. I've also been trying different things with my hair. Any change is good really, so if you can't afford a whole new closet full of clothes, just get a couple new shirts or some shoes.

3. Started working out. It helped a little. I think it's overrated...but I've always been kinda lazy with that stuff.

4. I didn't get intoxicated for almost 3 months straight. I really think a clear head is best! Over the past week though, I drank a couple times, hehe.

5. Keep myself occupied with work, school, my car, my friends, my family, and anything else I enjoy doing.

 

That's about it. So, I dated for 7 years, was a COMPLETE wreck for a couple months, started calming down the following month, and have been feeling better and better daily during the last month. I think I'll be totally healed come December. Only time will tell though...we'll see.

[Empathy]

I wish someone would just shoot me... I'm getting worse by the day.

[light bulb]

I know exactly what you're going through. I would make the exact same comment to people. I would even think of ways to put myself into 'dangerous' situations. At the time, it felt like the only logical solution to end the pain and suffering I was feeling. My mind was so clouded with darkness and sorrow that I couldn't remember the infinite number of wonderful things life has to offer. I'd focus on nothing but what was hurting me the most, which of course did nothing but cause more pain. Eventually though, the intensity of my pain weakened. With that weakening, new doors began to open and life became beautiful again. Every day now, life becomes more beautiful. Empathy, just be patient. This pain will pass. Life will go on. You will love again. You will be loved again. Please try to realize that with each new day you're getting closer and closer to healing and happiness.

[MrMikeWikowski]

Man,

 

I agree with most everyone on here. Things do get better. But it has been almost a year and a half for me. I got a lot better after march. When she finally told me it was over. But I just saw her again, and now I am a total mess. How do I get over this? How much longer will I ache? I have done a lot to try and move on. To try and do things for myself. I really have. But at the end of the day, I feel so alone, and I miss her so much,. It seems so easy for her, yet so hard for me.

[angelsgal]

Things I did to heal faster:

1. Started surrounding myself w/ the opposite sex as much as possible. Friendly convo and flirting made me feel special, wanted, and appreciated again.

 

I've been doing this myself! After being dumped, it's amazing what having other guys flirt and show interest in you will do to improve your self-esteem. Something that I really needed to experience after my ex shot my self-confidence as a woman to H***. It's good to know that others are doing the same thing.

[Empathy]

This may be true for most people. But not for me. All I ever do is hang around guys. I get along with guys better than girls. I was being hit on A LOT while me and my ex were together. But not anymore b/c now I'm "one of the guys." The other negative side to my situation is, I don't know, maybe there is something off about my chemistry, but I'm not attracted to a lot of the guys that I meet. A lot of guys are attracted to me though, and that's the torture part. All these guys want me but I have no desire for them. Even if I think they're attractive, it's just not THERE. The only ones that I'm attracted to are cool guys but they just want to sleep with me. And I know what most of you are thinking, "Ah. The classic desire for the bad boy." But that's not it. I CLICKED with my ex and he was the settle down, fall in love, marrying type. Then that all changed... But anyway, I just don't get it. That's what makes me worry. Is I've been exposed to so many different guys in my lifetime and I didn't feel the spark with them like I did with my ex. Maybe I'm a rare type or the guys that I click with are rare types. lol. I don't know. But I have a feeling I'll be alone for a looooong time before I ever feel that feeling again, assuming I ever will.

[SilverSurfer]

Empathy,

 

There will always be "the one that got away". And with the resulting hurt and pain from the breakup, we become stronger ourselves, and prep ourselves for the next big thing to come along. Perhaps you could explore other avenues for meeting guys; you're 19 -- there's bound to be significant changes to life as you know it. Don't be bogged down by the setbacks today.

[Empathy]

I think the only one that should be considered "the one who got away" is me. That's one positive thing I've realized. I gave him all the love I could give a person and he gave me up. As much I love him and as much as I feel there is a possibility I may never love someone the same again, I couldn't possibly consider him "the one who got away." I needed to get away from him. I know it seems weird. That I could possibly call someone I needed to get away from "the one." But it's only because he changed. The person I fell in love with could very well have been "the one." Not the person he became. And I don't necessarily mean I believe that there's only one person out there for me. I just believe that the ones who will make me feel the way he did will be hard to come accross. But that just means that if and when I'm finally with one of those guys, I will truly know how special he is. That's what I have to keep telling myself.