Really need help :(

[melissavaladez]

Hi, I'm really new to this, but I need advice bad. I guess I should warn whoever is reading this that its going to be long, but I feel that it's necessary in order to explain both sides of the story and where I am now.

 

OK my boyfriend and I got together in May of 2009, I really fell hard for him. I was only 16 so I knew it was dumb to say I was in "Love" but I honestly felt that I was after dating him for a couple of months. During the first month we were together a lot happened, I had lied to him about my past (I was kind of a * * * * ), but he found out through a mutual friend, so I admitted everything and he told me that he didn't know if he wanted to be with me and that he would let me know in 24 hours whether he did or not. I think I should add that he was a virgin. He said he'd stay with me the next day. During that month and the one following I snuck out of my house a few times to hang out with him and I ended up getting caught and got grounded for a month, the month I was grounded he always told me about this friend he had, who was a girl, I trusted him completely and let them hang out anytime. He even fell asleep at her house once, but I stayed calm. He also told me that she was my replacement, but I just thought nothing of it..

 

In about September I get a call from her and she tells me I need to talk to my bf because he hasn't been honest. So I asked him, I said "Is there anything you need to tell me about you and her, I promise I'll try to work it out if you be honest with me." his response, he looked me in the eyes and said "I swear there is nothing going on between me and her." I was sold. A couple days later he and I were talking on the phone and he straight up just told me that he and her had been kissing a lot, but nothing else happened. He told me they kissed and hung out and that one time he told her she was prettier than me. I was so hurt, I could not stop crying. So I said I couldn't be with someone who would do that to me and hung up. He called and called, and a few hours later I picked up and he talked to me and convinced me to take him back.I was happy that I did, except I found that after I took him back I felt extremely jealous and I felt unattractive.

 

After things kind of calmed down and I could stop crying about him hurting me I was 17, we were doing great. We had sex a lot, and it was fun. I thought things were perfect, but then I caught him masterbating to porn and I was surprised, because I never knew he did that. I asked him how often he did it and he told me everyday and that he has to watch porn to get off. I was really hurt because I had sex with him every time he wanted it. I never told him no. He told me he would stop because its gross and he was embarrassed, but almost a year later when I was 18 I found lube all over his laptop and he swore he hadn't masterbated, then later that day admitted that he had. I was hurt yet again. I haven't found anymore signs that he's been doing it but its only been a year so either he stopped or just hides it better.

 

He got a new job, and it sent him on an ego trip from hell. He worked around a lot more women and would tell me about how they talk to him all the time, and like I mentioned above I have been jealous ever since the lying began. We started to spend more time with each other and he left his Facebook page opened and I looked at his messages and he had been talking to a girl he used to like and he was making plans to hang out with her and then they exchanged phone numbers, so I confronted him and asked why he didn't tell me and he said I thought you were cool. I said well did you text her and then he told me yes and that they have been texting a lot. I was so amazed that he would do that to me. Then that same month he got a text from one of the women he works with and I asked how she got his number and his response was that he didn't know. She was saying to him to get to her store earlier before she leaves. It seemed fishy to me, probably because Im so jealous.

 

I was depressed. He told me he loved and cried and said that he would change. Things got pretty good, then we moved to college together, (BIG MISTAKE). The first week we were moved in together the girl he was texting that he used to like called him while we were eating our first dinner together, he ran to the bedroom and told her that he couldn't hang out because he was doing homework... I asked why he lied and he said he didn't know. Moving in with him wasn't a good idea but I truly do love him. Just recently I was trying to clean our bedroom and my knee hit the chair he was sitting in so I snapped at him and said "will you PLEASE scoot in!?" and he replied with "Well maybe if you lost weight you could fit through". He knows that I've had weight issues my entire life, and a very critical mother. I couldn't respond to him, I just cried. He apologized and said he'd never say anything like that again. Lately we haven't been fighting about other girls or anything like that. He just doesn't show me that he cares any more and it hurts. If I start to cry he makes fun of the way I cry, so then I get mad and then we argue. I hate it so much because I love him so much it hurts so bad to feel anger towards someone you care so deeply about. I'm 19 now and I just don't feel pretty anymore, he never tells me anything. I mean he tells me he loves me daily and sends me good morning texts most of the time and he has noticed our drifting apart, he has a lot to say about it but he never does anything. Some of our recent fights have gotten physical and thats not okay, sometimes ill punch his leg or something and he'll backhand me. Afterwards we both feel like crap and we apologize but this cycle has got to end. I love him and this sucks for both of us.

 

Basically what I am asking is, is our relationship messed up beyond repair? If not how should I go about making this work.

[PurpleSmash]

Get a gym membership, and improve your diet. At the core of his desire to be in a relationship with you, is the physical attraction to your body. Then comes his attraction to your mental state. Show him your confidence in yourself doesn't rely on whether or not he says you're pretty that day. Is it that he used to say these things, or that you've become expectant of them?

 

If you can, limit the time you see with him. He, and you, have to appreciate each other and not take your relationship for granted. He might not be aware of this, so withdraw yourself to give him the opportunity to miss you a bit. The limited time you do spend together will mean more to the both of you.

[melissavaladez]

Thank you, and yes he used to say those things to me.. so I have become expectant.. How do I withdraw when we live together? We both moved to a new town and don't know many people. I only leave to work or hang out with work buddies.