Doing it for yourself

[masquerademan]

Hello it's nice to meet you all,

 

I'm new to the board and I signed up just last week. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me about a month ago. I really love this girl, like everyone else, I believe she's the one. We have a lot in common and we enjoy each other's company. However, 2 years ago she went to California (I stayed in Hawaii) to study and she's been coming home for vacation every 3-5 months. She told me that the long distance has taken its toll on her and that she wants to be able to do things for herself and that she just wants to concentrate on school. During our relationship we've always told each other that "yeah we're not like other couples who have to call each other every night" etc. We were both each other's first bf/gf. And now, I feel like I just lost a huge part of my life. I'm 21 and she just turned 21 the other week.

 

I've been doing the no contact rule ever since the break up in hopes for her to contact me back. I know the no contact rule isn't to get your partner back but I can't help it.

 

Anyways, my question is, how do you use no contact with the mentality of improving yourself. I mean, I have been working on myself and things haven't been hurting as much like it did during the first week but....I can't help but think that I'm doing all of this to get her back when, according to those experienced, it should be used to improve myself...

 

Please help, Thank you.

[je55ie]

When the person I thought was "the one" broke it off, I spent a long time agonizing about it. I built this thought up in my head that, in order to win him back, I had to become a better, more desirable person. I decided I needed to be more confident, so I took classes and joined weight watchers and started exercise programs. I had 6 months before I knew I'd see him again, so I decided to transform myself. I put all my energy into this, and while I still thought about him constantly, it directed some of this energy into something positive. Every time I wanted to eat, I thought of how he'd look at me if I were super sexy and thin. Every time I wanted to cry, I'd pedal harder on the bike. I lost 65 pounds.

Ironically, he didn't notice, but everyone else did and the gushes of attention and compliments I got helped distract me from the pain of loosing him.