broke no contact, now i feel better (long story)

[wanderer]

you might have heard my rants about my ex girlfriend dumping me about 3 weeks ago... since then i did no contact successfully, but seeing her at school everyday was too awkward and i had some things i still needed to say, so i broke down and talked to her today. i'll give a rundown of how it went, because some other people in my position may be considering breaking NC. first a little background; i found out from her friend after we broke up that she had been cheating on me with another guy on and off for a few months. despite feeling deceived and angry, i still knew that she's not a bad girl, she just has no will power with boys and so i wanted to tell her how she made me feel. anyway, here's the rundown:

 

i finally decided to send her an email, asking her to meet me outside the school building after school (today was a friday) i said in the email that i needed to tell her some things, and even though it's entirely up to her whether or not she shows up, it would be in both of our best interests to show up. after i sent it, i deleted the email from my inbox so i wouldn't be temped to check the history for when she would read it or anything like that. i mentioned this in the email so it would ensure her privacy. this meant once the email was sent, the only way i'd know if she read it was if she showed up the next day (today) after school. all day i was thinking about it and worrying about what if she didn't show up or if she doesn't want to talk to me, or what. i hadn't spoken to her once since the breakup, so i was incrediably nervous all day. i got to the place where i told her to meet me early so i wouldn't keep her waiting. i stood there with tons of people walking past, going to the buses and whatnot, but didn't see her for what seemed like forever. i was feeling very nervous and a little scared. then, i saw her walking towards me. i felt very relieved to see her show up, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

 

now for the hard part; i had to tell her why we were here. i started off my thanking her for coming out to see me, since it probably wasn't easy for her to "face up" to what she probably could guess i was going to talk about, her cheating and lying about it, and it certainly wasn't easy for me to talk to her for the first time since the breakup. then she made me feel a lot much better when she said she was glad we could have a conversation. we exchanged a little small talk, "how are you doing?" and all that, and then i got to the point. i told her that i wasn't there to scold her or make her feel guilty, but that i knew about her and "sam", the guy she cheated on me with, name changed to protect privacy. i knew i would be the first guy to confront her about the cheating, and that it's important for her to be held accountable, and that i deserved an explanation (i said these things not angrily, but still firm enough to know it wasn't a minor thing we were discussing) i said how it made me feel deceived, disappointed and angry, which is all true. i told her that i didn't hate her for what she did, but i told her that this kind of behavior is unhealthy and careless. i wanted her to know that she should try to be more honest with herself, and not submit to any guy who flirts with her. she agreed with the things i said, and i could tell she felt horrible about it. in the end, i told her that even though she did this to me, i still care about her and i want to be her friend, and i want to be there for her when she has a problem. i reminded her that she can always talk to me, and there's no reason why we can't still be friends. all in all, it was a heavy conversation, but she thanked me for still being there when any sensible guy would let her screw up her own life after she dumps him. i know i got through to her, and she was very happy i made the choice to talk to her, because she said she wouldn't have the courage to initiate contact with me. it was the first time i'd ever seen her cry, so i know i made an impression on her. i think we both have some closure now, and we are looking forward to remaining close friends.

 

i hope this gives others with the same type of problems some hope, and reassurance if you're planning to break no contact. i'm not saying go out and spill your heart to your ex; my story turned out successful in the end, so it's evidence that breaking no contact CAN help you get closure and help you recover from the loss. if you plan to contact your ex, i will say that i planned on talking to her with the choice that i would be firm and honest with her, not angry or spiteful or needy or upset, and reasure her that it's in both of our interests to discuss things that were on my mind. i made sure i listened to what she had to say, and did my best to see where she was coming from with her statements. i chose to contact my ex because i still care about her, not because i wanted to make her feel bad about what she did.

 

if anyone has any comments or questions, or just something they'd like to add, go right ahead. sorry for the long post.