Nickles Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 My five year relationship just broke up. I feel like I'm grieving as he was my other half. We adored each other. On Saturday after a week apart I returned to our home ready to see him. He sent me a text to say that our pets were ready to be collected and he's going to his family home in another county and it's best we never see each other again. We spent a week apart as we had been having a few fights (one a week). The fights were one sided and due to my personal frustration. The sickening thing is during that week apart I realised that to make it work we should spend lots of time apart even if we miss each other but be happy with friends. That way when we are together we reap the benefits of each other’s happiness. I realised (and was comfortable with) the fact that I don't own him or his time. I also realised the source of my frustration. So due to initial issues with me being clingy I haven't been texting him, begging him to take me back etc. I have too much respect for him to do that. The night that I left to "take a break" he was devastated, was crying and saying I didn't have to leave. In the end he agreed it was for the best and said we'd talk in a week. But then I got that text and it sounds like he had made his mind up. We went through a tough few years and had a few bad things happen us that shouldn't happen a couple in their 20s. The strain of these issues and financial strain must have been too much. The sickening thing is I know he loves me. We're absolute soul mates and have a strong bond. This is not me being naive. He was very very good to me and other than the odd fight we had an amazing time together and rarely got bored or stale. He taught me so much about life and I taught him stuff too. I still feel like at least half of the girl I've grown up to be is him too. I had made the decision to cop myself on get back to work and look after myself but last night I cried all night...I have been crying all day since Saturday but last night was very very scary. I had to wake my parents up I was so distraught. I couldn't go to work today and I've been so heart broken I had to go to the doctor. I was given xanax, sleeping pills and a week off work. My doctor said the lack of closure will be severely damaging to me. My family can't believe it and feel like they've lost a son. We're all grieving here. It was a sickening shock especially seeing as I realised what I had to do to stop fighting. I care about him so much and we have a house (rented) together and both our stuff is still there. We're not the drama loving couple to have publicised break ups only to get back together weeks later. I'll admit to you that if he were to ask me back I'd say yes but I wouldn't agree to living together. I'm absolutely sickened and can't work or drive. The problem really was dealing with too much at a young age. As a means of getting some perspective I wrote out a list of reasons we're good together and reasons we weren't. I came up with hundreds of the former and one of the latter which is, "My behaviour/reaction to a series of negative, stressful and bad times. How can I resolve this or get closure. I'm torn up. Link to comment
darlene3 Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Does he want the relationship to be over or does he want to work it out? Link to comment
DN Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 It doesn't seem somehow if you were really committed to him and even if you were to get back together it seems you still wouldn't be. Spending lots of time apart is not conducive to a good relationship. Finding positive ways to resolve disagreements is. Link to comment
Nickles Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 I didn't mean lots of time apart. I meant more as in not be constantly texting and ringing each other as we lived together. As in I wanted him to see his friends more as I was clingy. He went no where without me only about once every 6 months to see his family on his own...if he didn't come back on time I'd start a fight. He wants no contact and we have a house together so I've agreed to no contact. He's currently in his family home about 2 hours away. I just knew that the key to our relationship would be to not dump all our problems on each other and miss each other every once in a while. That's a mature way to deal with things I think. Up until the break up we were amazing until I had one of my frustration bouts again. I had figured out that journaling during our initial week apart. I was very committed to him and absolutely adored him. He is my soul mate. I just took out a lot of stress on him and wanted to see him all of the time. Link to comment
darlene3 Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 You have a house together? Then you are financially bound I assume so no contact can only be temporary at most. If you really want to be together you have to make a conscience decision to be together. Nothing else matters once you make that decision. And you may be alone at first in making that decision, unless you can get him on board. You have to forget about all the 'he said, and she said' stuff and agree to move forward together. There aren't many things that can't be accomplished by two people in a committed relationship. Link to comment
Nickles Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 Do you think I should honor the whole "no contact" thing for a while and then sort out the house? I really hurt his feelings and he's a great guy. I need to show him I care enough to give him the space he needs then and only then can we ever talk about getting back together. Link to comment
darlene3 Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Yes, if someone whoever it is, requests 'no contact', then by all means give them space. Of course, if you were married, I'd tell you to get in his face, twist his little ear and remind him of your vows and to stop playing games. But only you know what type of intimate commitment the two of you have made. Note to one self: don't have financial ties with someone you aren't married to. Link to comment
Nickles Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 He's not playing games. He responded to games that I played I'm so silly I pushed away the love of my life. Must get on with it and get my life back on track. As my dad said, "if he walked in now and saw you in that state do you think he'd take you back?" Started the 30 day no contact challenge too. Link to comment
darlene3 Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Ok, then that's a wise thing to do at this point. Right now a clearer head would assist you incredibly. Link to comment
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