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By Furbys
in Healing After Break Up or Divorce

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Furbys Apprentice

Furbys

Posted
Posted

We all feel the urge at one point or another to go on the ex's Facebook to see what they are up too. Why do we do this though? Who knows, maybe we want to see them upset that they left us, maybe we want to see if they are moving on, have they found someone else but either way it is not always a good idea and it leaves us feeling worse than before.

 

These temptations are really hard to resist but we need to resist them for our own sanity. We all deserve to be happy and move on so do not go on the ex's Facebook, it will most probably make you feel worse than before and you will feel like you are back at square one.

 

I found this image that i think we all wish actually existed when we go to view an ex's profile.

 

So next time you feel weak, you want to see if they are with someone else, if they are moving on then stop. Go to this image and think for a second will you feel any better for looking at their profile?

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Zero71 Apprentice

Zero71

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That's exactly the reason why I block my ex and then deactivated my account. I don't want to be tempted and risk being stabbed in the heart multiple of times while she is being happy with the new guy. Besides I find FB to be boring nowadays. I'm staying off FB and avoiding my ex for my own discipline. I want to learn how to not be depended on both. I might reactivate my FB account and re-add her (if she accepts) then again I might not.

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dino9401 Contributor

dino9401

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I was the dumpee in the relationship in which I was a rebound. We were friends first, then She came on fast and strong, very affectionate, called me her boyfriend caring, but semi distant. Lasted about 4 months then I was let go.. I still care about her, and I assume that no matter how cold some people may be, she may have or still care about me. It's been 3 weeks of NC and I have blocked her updates on FB. I don't go to her page, because I don't want to see what she is up to. I have been good at that. I maintain NC so that I can move on and hopefully way way way down the road we will be friends again. It's really hard at times, especially the mornings, to not contact her. I know that if I did it would be horrible for me. I assume she maintains NC out of respect for me, but I often wonder if she's moved on to someone else. I wonder though, do you think our ex's look at our FB pages? Just curious.

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KYRiverGrl Rookie

KYRiverGrl

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I deactivated my account for a while, then reactivated it, because I keep in touch w/alot of people on FB -- but deleted/blocked ex and his gf's. It was too tempting and too depressing to see their posts and such. FB can definitely hold us back during this time of healing. However, we can make it work for us as long as we don't have to see ex's posts!

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deeplongbreath Explorer

deeplongbreath

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I have to say I have trouble understanding all this fuss about Facebook... I mean ok it's not exactly the REAL LIFE but it's here anyway and for some of us who use it daily (of course I do, to play games, keep contact and share info with people I love and I can't see often) it's only a part of a much bigger thing called... life. So I certainly wouldn't delete my own account as I would consider such thing as avoidance. I need to face the (sometimes ugly) reality, be it through Facebook or just walking in the street. Just my 2 cents ;-)

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Fenton87 Rookie

Fenton87

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I REALLY hate facebook. I went through a rough year where my ex fell in love with some guy which ruined our 5 year relationship. During that period of time where things were falling apart she would try to convince me to work things out and would tell me that this guy meant nothing and she was cutting him out of her life, but honestly none of that was true. I knew this because she kept him on her friends list. His face kept popping up on the suggestion list for people who I may know and it really brought me down. So deleted and blocked her. I also deleted all her friends and family and initiated NC. I am currently on day three.

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Zack808 Explorer

Zack808

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I'm in the same boat as you dino. Its been 3 weeks for me since BU. I dumped her but for very good reasons, mostly her mental instability. I just couldn't put up with it anymore. Anyway, NO contact from either party. I'm actually surprised but glad she hasn't bothered me in any way. We weren't friends on FB for awhile, I took her off after an argument and never re-added her, thank god, I had good intentions. Even though I was the dumper, I still checked her FB everyday looking for those same things. She keeps her page open for all to see so it wasn't so hard to find her. I stopped 3 days ago because I realized it was a form of stalking. It wasn't making anything better for me and I realized I had to let go and not worry about her anymore. Since then, I haven't had the urge because I did it more for myself. I want to move on and not be stuck in the past. I do believe ex's look at our pages somehow. I had to delete some friends of hers and her brother in law from my friends list because I dont want her to know my business in any way or form. So here's my thought, yes they do check, why? Because that is the last form of contact they can ever get from us so don't give them the satisfaction.

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askltk Rising Star

askltk

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Facebook is a great tool for initiating new relationships, but a real hazard for those "recovering" from BU.

 

My argument is, if you in a position of healing and you feel you can't trust yourself to not look - just deactivate. The people who genuinely care about you will know the traditional way to get in touch with you. If can't go cold turkey on your FB fix - delete them as a friend. It shouldnt matter what they think when you do it, all that should be your concern is getting over them. There are literally hundreds of settings now that you can tweak to prevent you seeing anything remotely ex related (the subscription feature was handy).

 

I've been off nearly 3 weeks now I think, and has diminished my social activity.

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laninaperdida Enthusiast

laninaperdida

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I loved FB when my relationship was good and hate it now that it's non existent.

 

Mine is currently deactivated.

I just went.... Poof!

But I'm kind of known for doing this.

 

When I'm ready to have FB again, I'll block and delete him, but we have so many mutual friends (4 of his roommates!) that I don't want to block and delete so I'll just really censor what I let them see about my life.

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FreeFallFeelin Contributor

FreeFallFeelin

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Facebook is truly a scurge on humanity. If you have time to read other people's narcisistic postings about the mundane details of their (average) lives, then you need a new hobby! If your stalking your ex's FB page, you're a sucker ...because you know it's not going to turn out well.

Practice REAL human interactions, and maybe learn REAL communication skills.

 

Okay okay, i'm old fashioned.

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rig01 Rookie

rig01

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My ex (the dumper) put me on her Restricted View list, so I can't see anything except the most general of information.

 

Yet she was the one who said she was serious about wanting to be friends and not just saying it like everyone else does. She didn't block my sister or some of my other relatives who made friends with her.

 

Is she protecting my feelings? Or maybe she just doesn't want me to see what she's up to. She barely posts on her wall anyway, so I don't get it.

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