Where do I go from here??? How should I act?

[slushie]

Okay, so about a month ago my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. She said she was not "in love" with me anymore and that she thought the relationship had hit a brick wall. She had moved about two hours away just for the summer, and was away when we broke up. Before she left, we talked about the relationship being somewhat weak, and I must admit in large part it was due to me not being fully emotionally involved. There were times I was not a true "boyfriend" to her. Anyways, that talk made me realize she meant a lot to me and I assured her things would be better. Problem was that that was right before she went away and I never had that chance as we saw very little of each other in the summer.

 

Anyways, now she's back. We spoke on the phone when she got back and then went out for a drink. We had great conversation and there wasn't any tension like there was at one point. We spoke of the relationship, and she did mention that she could see us getting back together but that she was cautious. Anyways, there was chemistry and we held hands but nothing further.

 

The next time we hung out it we spoke again about "us". She basically said she still had feelings for me but didn't want to rush into anything again. There was some definate apprehension about getting back with me on her end. Nonetheless, that night ended with us sleeping together, but there appeared to be more intimacy than just sex. It was a good moment with much of it being spent simply holding each other.

 

At this point, I'm not sure how to proceed. Part of me wants her back. I'm not sure if it is simply me wanting to feel cared for again, but this is definitely on my mind throughout the day. I don't want to annoy her and keep talking about "us", but ultimately I know that when I hang out with here I am often thinking about the possibility that she will "fall" for me again. I know she enjoys my company. I make her laugh and I can tell that there is definitely a desire on her end to spend time with me. I guess she may just need to sort out where her feelings lie. Anyways, can anyone offer some suggestions? I feel as though I am almost still acting like her boyfriend when I hang out with her (paying for lunch as an example) and I don't want to get hurt all over again.

 

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

[Beec]

I think you should figure waht you want, and I also think you should not talk about the two of you as a couple at anytime, unless you want it and can see that she does too.

[kekep]

It sounds like you are taking the right steps (somewhat) to getting her back. However, I would caution you against being intimate with her at all when the relationship's outcome is so uncertain. You two should be fully committed to each other before any kind of action takes place, and I am speaking from personal experience when I say this. Believe me, someone is bound to get hurt if you're having sex without being wholly committed. I say this because obviously you are still in love with her, but think about it: why would she get back with you when she can have her cake and eat it too? You know what I mean? My ex and I had sex a bunch since we broke up, and now I know I can't do that anymore because I need to havemore pride in myself and shouldn't allow him to treat me like a sex buddy if I ever want him back. Don't sell yourself short anymore, and keep continuing to contact her but keep things non-physical. Even if SHE is the one to make a move on you, tell her "that would be nice, but i'm not willing/ready to do that with you because it makes things complicated. i just enjoy spending time with you" this way, you let her know that you want that but that you know exactly what you're worth. that ought to jolt her into some action. anyway, good luck!!!

[slushie]

Thanks for the replies. I gotta say that the whole situation is taking a toll on me. I seem to get mixed vibes from her, and don't want to pressure her into anything, yet it is hard to hang out with her and act simply as her friend. I often find myself wanting to talk about "us", but I have done fairly well at holding that in.

 

Any other suggestions? I'm so eager to hear her say "I want to be your girlfriend again" but I know that I can't rush that. Ahhhh the saga continues.

[slushie]

One other question (sorry to be annoying), would it be totally inappropriate to plan some type of romantic event? Nothing over the top, but something to show her where I stand and that I am commited to making it work. Would this be a good or bad thing?

[cassiana]

My advice would be softly, softly. Anything that comes on too strong will scare her away. Flowers, presents or occasions of great effort and expense can be perceived as forms of emotional blackmail. If she still has mixed feelings then you could frighten her. Don't be romantic, if you are just back to talking. Take your time.

[Beec]

One other question (sorry to be annoying), would it be totally inappropriate to plan some type of romantic event? Nothing over the top, but something to show her where I stand and that I am commited to making it work. Would this be a good or bad thing?

 

Bad thign. You should be aloof, not make big delcarations of love. Unless and until you know that is what she is looking for. It is much better to take baby steps before that big one.

[slushie]

Thanks again. From what I have read it seems like the thing to do is to accept the fact you are not together and simply present yourself in a confident manner when you around them. Talking about the past or future unless she brings it up is probably not a good thing. Also, I read that some people have appeared to be a little more distant in order to give them the impression that they are over the relationship. Things like not returning a phone call right away or declining to hang out once in while. I have considered this approach....any comments? For example, when she says call me tomorrow, is it appropriate to not call?

 

Again, thanks for the comments. I figure many of us are in similar boats, and might be looking for similar answers.

[Beec]

I think if she asks, you can agree to call. If you agree to call, then do it.

 

Being aloof and vague is the way to go. Don't show your emotions, especially not in your words. You can show some lustful desire in your body language. But not much. Use mostly eye contact.