messed up

[bananashake]

I'm 33, no kids, no friends, no siblings, no cousins, and currently no boyfriend. I don't foresee myself having a bf anytime soon. My mom is my best friend and I"m her best friend. I am a cool and social person, but at my age, making true friends is very difficult. Everyone is married or have kids and are not interested in a new friend. I have no friends from my younger years because I was home schooled.

 

My mom is in her 60's and starting to get health problems. I have always promised myself that as a nurse, I will never put her in a nursing home. She can come live with me and I will take care of her. And I'm starting to wonder if that was my calling in life instead of having kids. But I am starting to worry what will happen to ME if my mom becomes so sick that she can't really communicate. Or what will happen to me when she dies. I mean, she is the only one who calls me, or, who texts me. When she is gone, I will have nobody. Literally. And I"ve seen what lonesomeness does to people.

[j1979]

Why have you never made a friend or had a boyfriend? Have you tried going to school or going to a church (even if it was to be around people) to make social contacts?

[sidehop]

It's good that you have such close relationship with your mother; and even when you start dating there's nothing wrong in wanting to take care of her when she needs the help if not live in the same house. Obviously you want to date a person who want to help out and isn't going to object in caring for your mother when that time comes.

 

Aside from your worried including your age and settling down, how was your relationship in the past with other men you dated? I just get the sense (and correct me if I'm wrong) but your mother has been in the picture most of your life but somehow that's also affecting any relationship with men in general?

 

Have you also tried joining any social groups, activities, and volunteer work that's not necessarily geared towards single people but to meet new people in general?

[charity]

do you have hobbies? do you exercise, go to health clubs, library etc. what about friends at your workplace.

you need to be very proactive and make a life and friends for yourself. you have to do this. i suggest you go to link removed. this is not a dating site. its a smeetup site with thousands of differents groups, for eg vegetarians, random outings, meditation, outdoor fitness, cinema, everything you can think of. then start going to one meeting a week.

 

join a dating site. its just dating! it doesnt have to be a relationship for now but hey you never know what might happen!

 

go to an aerobics class, make chit chat with everyone. if you sense a person who seems nice why not suggest a coffee after the class.

 

i know its not easy, i find a lot of women in their 30s are already stuck in their ways and not looking for new friends so you may get knockbacks from people who can't be bothered. but eventually you will start to build up a few acquaintances who then will turn to friends. you can do it.

[oAllElseFailo]

that's pretty sad..

 

There's not much you can do.. I mean you can try to put yourself out there with hobbies or bars or something that interest you where other people are to have some type of social contact in hopes to meet someone. Or you can try online dating sites. I don't know how much free time you actually have to put into a relationship or becoming close friends with someone but it's just a thought..

 

No one deserves to be alone, like you said, what happens to YOU if she can't communicate or she dies? You have no one to reach out to! It's not something you want to bottle up and just let it tear you apart inside. I think that'd just be terrible..

[macadamia]

Banana please check your PM's. I think we should talk

[quantumst8]

You're definitely going to have to get out in the world and involve yourself in some things. It'll be scary at first, and maybe for a while, but there's no other way.

[sadchick83]

banana,

 

You sound like a caring, loving person. I have been in your shoes for about a year now. After my Dad passed (they were married for 45 years), I could not leave my mother alone, so I decided to sort of give up my social life and move back home with her. I am doing a year long renovation at my house, so the timing was perfect.

 

I basically "gave up" socially. And, why not be close with your Mom? Parents don't live forever, so why not spend time with some one that loves you unconditionally??

 

About 2.5 months ago, I was jogging at my Mother's summer home and in the middle of no where-literally a forest, a lovely man came up to me in his car and we are now dating seriously. You never know when you might meet someone. God works in weird ways, you know! And, they new guy respects what I have done for my Mom.

 

33 is young, you have lots of time. And, if a special someone came around, I'm sure you would have your Mom's blessing.

 

banana, you are doing the right thing and God will reward you one day!

[annie24]

33 is so young!! I met tons of new friends while traveling. I also have made many friends by taking dance classes. it's social, we see each other every week and it's been a great way to expand my social circle. i highly recommend doing that or anywhere else you will see the same people each week.

 

good luck!