crippling depression

[dogwood]

ok, the title is a little more dramatic than how I feel. But depression is crippling, so I think it's pretty accurate. I struggle with depression and motivation. Some days I feel happy, even manic. The world is beautiful, I'm grateful for those in my life, I'm eager to take on the world, make music, learn, explore, ponder, etc. Other days I am depressed, and it's very hard to do anything. I know my depression has a lot to do with my lack of friends. I have a girlfriend of almost 3 years and we are very happy together, and I have a couple of other friends, but I don't see them very often, maybe once a month or something. I should be happy with what I have, but it's hard. And as much as I try to tell my ego to shut the hell up, I can't silence the voice that keeps saying "what's wrong with me?"

 

I truly don't understand. I'm a cool person. I'm friendly, I'm unique, I'm smart, I'm open minded. I say all this with honesty - not tooting my own horn. I know my girlfriend, who is incredibly smart, creative, and well liked by many, would not hang around with me if I wasn't worth it. It's hard to make friends in this massive city. I've met various cool people over time, but it seems like they already have enough friends, they already have an established group, are well liked, etc., so they don't find it worth the effort to befriend someone new. It's understandable, I wouldn't really be searching if I was in their position. I also don't fit into any particular group which might make things more difficult for a 20-something year old. I'm not a raver, I'm not a hipster, I'm not a nerd, I'm not a hippie, I just exist. I borrow values from various groups of course - but I don't define myself outwardly the way so many people seem to. So maybe others of my age are less drawn to me because of that.

 

Just over a week ago I was hanging out with my girlfriend and this girl she recently met. (let's call her A). I really liked A, and we seemed to get along really well. It's rare for me to find someone I truly connect and vibe with, but I really felt that with A, for the first time in a while. My girlfriend even told me that after the 3 of us had hung out, she spoke to A on the phone, who said she thought I was really cool and really liked me. We exchanged numbers, and other than a couple of facebook messages I haven't really heard from her since. I said hello to her on facebook chat last night, but for some reason she signed off. Saw her online later.. no response. I don't get it.

 

I just feel like giving up. The most frustrating thing - is that I don't know how to overcome this. I've been trying forever to find new friends, and I have made one or two. But if I was happy with my life as is, I wouldn't even feel I need more friends. The Buddhists are damn right when they say desire is the cause of suffering.. but how do I overcome this desire? It's frustrating because my goal for this year is to focus on myself, to learn about myself. To be more creative and productive, to accomplish things and get somewhere in life as I have been lost for some time. If I make some friends along the way, that's great. But it's not my main goal. It's only a goal necessary for survival - a goal that needs to be met so I can be happy, motivated, and have drive. When I feel depressed and lonely and bad about myself, it's obviously * * * * ing hard to get anything done. Which just feels like wasted time and life.

 

I'm not really looking for answers on how to make friends. I don't know why I have such a hard time, but I'm pretty sick of trying. I just want to be happy and be able to accept my more solitary lifestyle. I've spent a lot of my life being social (more when I was younger), and this year I just want to focus on myself and the world around me, and not be so dependent on others to be happy! I know we are social animals by nature, I know this is hardwired into me and I can't completely eliminate the desire for friendship, but there must be some way I can make peace with what I cannot control. I just want to focus on my life and get it going already. I hate wasted days due to depression.

[dogwood]

(I really like how right above my post there's a facebook tag saying: "be the first of your friends to like this." LOL)

[Capricorn3]

But depression is crippling, I struggle with depression and motivation. Some days I feel happy, even manic. The world is beautiful, I'm grateful for those in my life, I'm eager to take on the world, make music, learn, explore, ponder, etc. Other days I am depressed, and it's very hard to do anything. .

As far as I'm aware, those are the classic symptoms of Bi-Polar disorder where one swings from manic highs, to extreme lows. I would strongly recommend you see your doctor for a referral to a professional therapist so that you can get an official diagnosis and treatment (if needed).

[bananashake]

I am in the same boat, except I'm almost 34. I am a very cool person and people like me, but I never get to know them well enough to develop a deep friendship with them. I was an Army Brat and jumped schools alot, thus, no childhood friends. And in college, I just went to class, then work, then home to study. I find, like you, that almost everyone in my group have busy lives with their SO's and kids. And , like you, am just "me" - not a hipster, etc. It gets to be pretty lonely. It's especially difficult for me since I don't have any siblings or cousins, either. And everyone around me has a SO except me.

 

I am also pretty depressed about this. In fact, I find myself worrying about what will happen to *me* when my mother passes away. She is 61 and doesn't have health problems, but as a nurse, I see unexpected things happen everyday. I worry for *me* because she is my constant. My rock to lean on and vice versa. Not that I'm suddenly single, she is the only one who calls me or texts me. Without her, what will happen to me? Am I going to become a recluse? Ugggh. God help me.

[HappyHealing]

Do you truly love yourself and fully accept yourself as the way you are now? Often self-loath can be a cause of on-going depression

[Raaawr]

Hi! Before I begin I would like to point out I was diagnosed with Bi Polar type 2 four or five years ago.

 

ok, the title is a little more dramatic than how I feel. But depression is crippling, so I think it's pretty accurate. I struggle with depression and motivation.

Indeed it is.

 

Some days I feel happy, even manic. The world is beautiful, I'm grateful for those in my life, I'm eager to take on the world, make music, learn, explore, ponder, etc.

Do you feel more creative and more productive during these times? How about money, do you tend to spend more during these periods as well?

 

 

Other days I am depressed, and it's very hard to do anything. I know my depression has a lot to do with my lack of friends. I have a girlfriend of almost 3 years and we are very happy together, and I have a couple of other friends, but I don't see them very often, maybe once a month or something. I should be happy with what I have, but it's hard. And as much as I try to tell my ego to shut the hell up, I can't silence the voice that keeps saying "what's wrong with me?"

I would suggest making more time for your friends. Should anything happen to end your relationship with your girlfriend you may find yourself stranded. Plus it is healthier for your relationship if you have happiness outside of it. So make more time for your friends!

 

I truly don't understand. I'm a cool person. I'm friendly, I'm unique, I'm smart, I'm open minded. I say all this with honesty - not tooting my own horn. I know my girlfriend, who is incredibly smart, creative, and well liked by many, would not hang around with me if I wasn't worth it.

Remind yourself of this anytime you feel down. You have a great girlfriend who has stuck with you for 3 years. She ahs deemed you worthy of 1095 days of her life.

 

It's hard to make friends in this massive city. I've met various cool people over time, but it seems like they already have enough friends, they already have an established group, are well liked, etc., so they don't find it worth the effort to befriend someone new.

Everyone has their own core groups but it doesnt mean you cant befriend them. I would suggest joining some groups or classes or something. Its an easy way to meet new people and literally all you have to do is suggest a few drinks after a class and you are suddenly out talking to people!

 

It's understandable, I wouldn't really be searching if I was in their position. I also don't fit into any particular group which might make things more difficult for a 20-something year old. I'm not a raver, I'm not a hipster, I'm not a nerd, I'm not a hippie, I just exist.

Although you may find this amusing. The 2 closest friends I have are:

A girl I met in a nightclub who I found crying in a corner. I spent the night trying to cheer her up. Purely innocent, I had no ulterior motives! In the end she basically spilled to me that she feels depressed all the time and so on, I recommended she seek help and gave her my phone number if she ever wanted to talk. Next day she called me and asked me if Id come with her to see a doctor. I did. Been friends since.

Another of my closest friends is a guy I met in a pub. I kind of new him before hand and he came up to me drunk and started spilling all this emotional stuff onto me. So I took him outside, explained my situation to him. He text me next day thanking me for talking to him and suggested we hang out more. See the guy 3 times a week now and looking to share an apartment in the future.

Basically what I am saying is you can meet people anywhere. There are people everywhere who feel they just exist. Just keep putting yourself in social circles and dont be afraid to put your emotions out there and youll find yourself a group.

 

I borrow values from various groups of course - but I don't define myself outwardly the way so many people seem to. So maybe others of my age are less drawn to me because of that.

Be yourself, this is very important. Just let loose. Honestly it is very much worth it. Make your own values. Dont borrow, if you like it adopt it and make it yours.

 

Just over a week ago I was hanging out with my girlfriend and this girl she recently met. (let's call her A). I really liked A, and we seemed to get along really well. It's rare for me to find someone I truly connect and vibe with, but I really felt that with A, for the first time in a while.

There will be many more like that. Just keep yourself in social situations.

 

My girlfriend even told me that after the 3 of us had hung out, she spoke to A on the phone, who said she thought I was really cool and really liked me. We exchanged numbers, and other than a couple of facebook messages I haven't really heard from her since. I said hello to her on facebook chat last night, but for some reason she signed off. Saw her online later.. no response. I don't get it.

Dont worry about it. Ask her to hang out with you and your girlfriend if you want. But dont worry about it.

 

I just feel like giving up. The most frustrating thing - is that I don't know how to overcome this. I've been trying forever to find new friends, and I have made one or two. But if I was happy with my life as is, I wouldn't even feel I need more friends.

The more friends the better in my opinion! Invite your friends and your girlfriend to a pub or club or something. Encourage or suggest each person can bring a friend or a girlfriend if they want. Voila, you have doubled your group for the night. Just be yourself, have good fun and next week try invite the same group.

 

The Buddhists are damn right when they say desire is the cause of suffering.. but how do I overcome this desire? It's frustrating because my goal for this year is to focus on myself, to learn about myself.

I would suggest visiting a doctor to rule out any mental issues and get help for any that could be there. You do sound like there is something there so its a good idea to get it checked to be sure.

 

To be more creative and productive, to accomplish things and get somewhere in life as I have been lost for some time. If I make some friends along the way, that's great. But it's not my main goal.

Honestly, this sounds alot like what I told myself when I started college. But I only said it wasnt my main goal because I was afraid I would fail at it and it was like a safety net, so if I made no friends I could tell myself "im not here for friends anyway".

 

It's only a goal necessary for survival - a goal that needs to be met so I can be happy, motivated, and have drive. When I feel depressed and lonely and bad about myself, it's obviously * * * * ing hard to get anything done. Which just feels like wasted time and life.

More friends will do nothing for your depression if there is actually an issue there. You need medication I am afraid.

 

I'm not really looking for answers on how to make friends. I don't know why I have such a hard time, but I'm pretty sick of trying. I just want to be happy and be able to accept my more solitary lifestyle. I've spent a lot of my life being social (more when I was younger), and this year I just want to focus on myself and the world around me, and not be so dependent on others to be happy! I know we are social animals by nature, I know this is hardwired into me and I can't completely eliminate the desire for friendship, but there must be some way I can make peace with what I cannot control. I just want to focus on my life and get it going already. I hate wasted days due to depression.

Visit a doctor.

 

 

Apologies, I assumed you were male when I read girlfriend, I see now that you are female. So if I referred to you as a male anywhere above Im sorry. Im too lazy to proof read it and fix anywhere I may have done so. Dont think I did though.