Embarrassed about my sex count...

[Decado]

Hey,

 

I've got a new boyfriend. He's absolutely amazing. I haven't felt like this in a long time about anyone and I'm worried I might screw it up.

 

So what I'm embarrassed about is that I have slept with 5 people (excluding him). He has slept with no one before me.

 

2, out of my 5, were ex-boyfriends, who I am not worried about....but the other 3 were just meet-ups for sex. 1 of those was when I was 18, the other 2 were a week before I started going out with this guy (1 month ago).

 

We have an very open relationship and we talk about this sort of stuff a lot. I was just looking for an outsider's perspective on the whole thing.

 

Am I a complete skank? or do you think it's ok? Any thoughts welcome.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Decs x

[im_the_undead]

You're not a compleeeeeete skank.

 

lol just kidding... Well, I think if you're okay with it and he's okay with your number, then it's perfectly fine!

If he isn't, you just have to understand that to some people "sex" is more sacred.

But at the end of the day it's how you feel about yourself and the choices you make. You can't take back what happened, you can only learn from it and use your past experiences to make decisions for your future.

[ncoconut]

I was in the exact same situation, and my boyfriend didn't care. He understood that I wasn't emotionally involved with those people, and that it was him I cared about- that's all that matters. you can't change what happened, so just be at peace with it. You know (or need to!) there's nothing to worry about on your end, so just keep that attitude. The more recent experiences might hurt a bit since they were so close to when you started dating. Since it has nothing to do with your current relationship, I don't see the need to go into great detail about it. But, on the other hand, if it kills you to not share everything, honesty is best.

[UniqueSoul]

i think that it is normal for one to have different sex partners and relationships. you have to test the waters and experience all that you can before you decide to be with someone the rest of your life. my boyfriend and i have had the same amount of sexual partners and past relationships, so it seemed to work out well for us.

[Thorshammer]

Depends on the person, for all you know it can turn him on, or he wont care. Personally, I dont like to hear about my gf's sex number. For some reason my ex thought it was cute to tell me, my perception of her changed for a time. The only women i slept with that werent my gf were girls that i honestly didnt care about, i dont want to think of my current lover being used this way (even though she said she wasnt "used" by them, some of her stories didnt match up and she did sound bitter). Either way, its not like i dumped her or hated her, because I did do the same.

 

--- oops, i noticed i posted on the "Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender" forum. I guess thats my opinion on a single straight man with a single straight woman. Not sure how that can help the OP's case though.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

i think that it is normal for one to have different sex partners and relationships. you have to test the waters and experience all that you can before you decide to be with someone the rest of your life. my boyfriend and i have had the same amount of sexual partners and past relationships, so it seemed to work out well for us.

 

It is not normal or abnormal, it just is. Some people don't feel the need to experiment with different sex partners before choosing the person they want to be with for the rest of their life. There is nothing abnormal about that. It is just a different way of conducting your life.

 

 

OP, there is nothing you can do about your past so it is no point fretting about it. People have different sexual values and it is a matter of finding someone with similar values or one who may have different values but focuses on the present and future rather than the past.

[jumper11]

For your age thats a fine number. Im 23 and just slightly less number, dont regret it or anything , its not like you knew your past relationships wouldn't work. My ex got upset when we were really young because he hadn't been with anyone and I was, I just said, I didn't know I'd be with you so wasn't going to hold myself for someone I didn't know I'd end up with, its unrealistic.

 

Like me, I decided on only being with my ex. Well, he left me. So I met someone else briefly after. A lot of it just is. I can't stress enough to not dwell on this , it happened, it happens, we never know our future so we meet people as they come and take it as it comes, relationships, friendships, sex, etc. We do what we think is best in that given moment .

[blueidealist24]

I don't think 5 people is that many. It's kinda average. Most people have had a couple of one night stands in this day and age. If you said 20 people, I could see him freaking.

[Decado]

Thanks for your replies everyone! I feel a bit better. I've told him about my previous boyfriends and I kind of alluded to the fact that I'd been with other people. He still seems fine I probably will tell him, in case he's a bit freaked out and just isn't letting on.

 

But we very much like each other and I shouldn't think it'd be a big problem.

After a night's sleep, I feel a lot better about the situation.

 

Thanks again,

Much Love,

Dec xx

[lady00]

He doesn't need to know details and five isn't actually a lot at all. He knows you are not totally inexperienced so that is probably enough info. I don't like to talk about numbers with people I date but I usually have an idea of whether they have been in other relationships and are sexually experienced.

[Decado]

Hey....

Just a quick update. He was fine about it. Turns out I was freaking out about nothing because he said he hadn't given it any more thought

...and we like each other more than ever

 

Thanks for your help everyone!

Decs x

[FathomFear]

--- oops, i noticed i posted on the "Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender" forum. I guess thats my opinion on a single straight man with a single straight woman. Not sure how that can help the OP's case though.

 

Meh, I doubt sexual preference is all that relevant in this situation. The only difference I've noticed is that straight guys seem to get more hung up on judging women who've slept with lots of people, whereas gay men tend not to do this to each other to the same degree.

[hillsboy678]

mmmmmmmm a PRE skank maybe. Please you beat me and mine is 'low' for my area. My friend can count up to 68 guys. My ex's sex count was 4 guys but oral sex was 70 something. Now my best gay friend with the 68 or so guys his boyfriend can count up to 130 something. Please that is very low do not worry at all. If you guys do have sex, use a condom and I would get tested first to re assure your self and him if that issue comes up. Good luck and good wishes.

[Taven]

5 makes you a skank?! I dunno what that makes me then

 

As long as it was safe, consensual and both parties enjoyed it, you have nothing to be ashamed about or apologetic for. But you don't need to tell him either, some things are just best left unsaid.

[vix8]

i've slept with like 15 people and my boyfriend has slept with one person other than me, and a few make out sessions. if anyone's a skank it's me.. but he knows i got around and he doesn't care. he said that he just feels weird sleeping with people he doesn't know. me on the other hand had love and esteem issues, and i just wanted to be loved and feel hot lol, but i'm over that now and he knows i'm a different person. i also just found out i have hpv and my bf is aware of this and has accepted it. i feel like * * * * because he didn't deserve it, because he didn't get around like i did. but my point is.. it all depends on your significant other's point of veiw.