Best friend problems - very serious

[SaSaRai]

I am having a problem with my best friend - and its starting to turn into more than just a minor mishap. I have known him for 5 months and we have completely bonded over that time period and spend A LOT of time togehter - we get along GREAT we tell eachother everything... the usual best friend stuff.... but I don't understand why he lies to me so much , he is always lieing about everyting, and making up excuses.

 

He tries to compete with me for girls and for other friends when actually he is the only friend I really care about. I am 15 and he is 14 we act so much alike it is scary.... everytime we talk about something we end up saying the exact same thing, and im not exaggerating .... but why does he lie to me? why does he try to act big? why does he alwyas go around sucking up to everyone? when its just me and him everything is fine - but as soon as someone else is in the picture he tries to look big to them in front of me - almost as if hes trying to impress me somehow but that just makes me mad. There is a lot goin on and it depresses me how he is acting - he wouldnt even tell me where he lived (he lied about that 2 and then finally his sister told me where their house was) .

 

I live in a big 3 story white house - i have expensive things - but that doesnt change WHO I AM - and i had no idea but his mom died when he was younger , now his dad is having a hard time and they live in a trailer - and half of the time he lives with his grandparents.... ive never been to his house before, he never invited me but he comes here all the time and when i bring up his house i can tell hes trying to hide something from me and once again he will lie......

 

its so confusing - can someone please help me understand this? and the weirdest thing - despite all that happens.... i obsess over him - is that because we are so much alike? or maybe its because this is bothering me so bad? i hope someone can help me understand..... we're really close and i dont want to ruin the best thing to ever happen to me

[San123]

It seems to me that he has a huge crush on you along with just being friends. I'm sure he lies so he will look better in your eyes and is embarrassed about his house etc. It may not seem like a big deal to you but I bet he is very self conscious and intimidated about it and doesn't want to look "less" in your eyes, especially because you seem to be very well off financially.

[xctf]

haha you guys def sound like best friends... it happens. its a natural male instinct. he has to prove he is better than you thats the same with me and my best friend. we are hella competitive when it comes to sports, etc.

[SaSaRai]

haha yeah - i think ur right , maybe i should talk to him about it? but... how would i bring up something like that?

[Yourwayornoway]

Well let me tell you your not alone... Let me see if I can help you with a few things.. First you never really know someone.. You may think you do but you don't.. Think about yourself... Think about something that your embarrass about... Would you tell him all about it? Next think about your love life... Think about what you do when you want to get with a girl... Would you tell her about your alcoholic father and that your moms a drug addict? Probably not... You mention the good stuff... Even when you're with her... your not going to be telling her how you and you buddy went down to the strip club after work... Or how you look at porn on your computer after school... Because you know she wouldn't be happy about it..... It really doesn't make you a bad person.. So here is the part that may freak you out a bit… But don't let it because it's just an analogy... He is treating you like his girl friend. No, not in a sexual way but emotionally.. He cares a great deal about what you think and doesn't want to lose you at any cost... As a guy, he is extremely completive as you probably are to... He wants you to respect him.. He doesn't want to come off as a looser... Going back to the girlfriend thing... Say you see a girl.... You know she is "ok" maybe a few extra pounds, she is somewhat attractive but nothing like the thin blond in algebra. You know you don't stand a chance with the blond but maybe with the first girl... So you ask her out and she says "sure". Your like ok great, then she is calling you every hour on the hour giving you everything you want.. She is just easy.. Too easy, so you start looking more at the blond in algebra... And think, "I can do better"... Do you get what I'm saying? He want you to like him, he knows he can't compete with you.. But it doesn't stop him from trying.. So here is my advice... If you're ok with the friendship leave it along... If you want it to grow you need to open up.... In his eyes you are the king.. the master.. you do nothing wrong and you have no problems... Slowly start telling him your problems/issues... Ask for his advice on things... Talk about things that might turn your face RED.. Also don't paint him into a corner... You can mention stuff where he will know he has been caught in a lie... Pining him down will not help this issue one bit.. In fact it will probably make it worse as he believes you are out of his league and way more powerful..... Hey, good friends are hard to find.. Good luck with this.. Also I'm not responsible for anything bad that may come out of this advice…