Jump to content

I've just discovered that the guy I met online is married...


Recommended Posts

What to do - I just found out that the guy I've have been talking to online is married?


We've been talking for 6 months (on an online dating site) - he was the 1st to admit to a "connection". He never once gave any clue about being involved or married. He's in the British Army and since October has "supposedly" been in Afghanistan. I've had a few emails from him since (quite vague) but only a couple, not like the daily emails we used to send. I assumed it was because he was busy , on the ground but yesterday evening I found out differently.


My email account sent me updates on everyone in my address book who has a Twitter account - not only does he list "husband" in his headlines but his wife is on his followers list. I know it sounds a bit stalker-like but I couldn't help checking her account. On it she has a photo of their new daughter & Daddy... which also means that he was talking to women online whilst his wife was pregnant with his child.


I'm not going to lie, I felt my heart break a little when I saw it. I feel like a fool. What should I do? Should I at least let him know that I know and that I'm angry?


My feelings are so confused. I know that I don't want a relationship with him, as he is married but I really don't know what to do or how to feel. I can't talk to my friends about it yet as, even though they knew I was trying online dating, I feel like such an idiot, falling for a guy like that. It hurts a lot - partially because I had developed feelings for him but also because I feel so stupid...


Part of me feels that I don't have any right to mourn what I thought was developing into a relationship, because he is married , but another part of me feels so sad.


Any advice or experience welcome

Link to comment

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Please don't feel bad about it, okay? You didn't know. It's important to cut off contact now, of course, but don't feel bad. You had no idea that he was married and were intended on building a relationship with this man and it's OKAY to grieve that loss. It's still a valid loss to you. You're not an idiot at all.


In the future, you may want to meet guys early on, and not go for ones that are "stationed" somewhere. Just don't do it. Then after you meet them, you can always invest a few dollars in a quick background check, just to make sure that he's not a felon, married, or a sex offender. That's what I did when I dated online. It's for your own safety.


I would just cease contact with him. Don't talk to him or anything. Just make it seem like you fell off of the map.


Have you considered contacting the wife? I think she does deserve to know that her husband's a cheat. Do you know her email? If not, contact her via Twitter and offer up some details and your email for her to contact you, be polite and sympathetic about it. If she wants to know the truth, she'll get back to you.

Link to comment

I met a man online once and he turned out to be engaged. I was chatting to him over a period of a few months and he admitted he had fallen for me and was in love with me. I had no idea about his fiancee until she rang me one day demanding to know who I was. Sad thing was she didn't believe me at all when I told her everything her fiance had said to me. I even had proof. Stupidly I accepted his grovelling and kept chatting to him (on a civil term only) however I soon kicked him out of my life after that.


I would suggest you do the same, kick him out. He's bound to go on to the next girl anyway.

Link to comment
Thanks ladies You're right - what I need to do is cut all ties and stay off his radar. As for contacting his wife, although she deserves to know, I don't think I could do that. It could break up their family...


Completely agree. I would avoid typing and talking to someone for that long without meeting in person. That helps to screen out the married/attached men.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...