Some things on my mind

[JLKLEE]

So its been a week and a half since we broke up. We broke up because he currently wants to live the partying lifestyle and his current job allows for that to happen. I can't live that lifestyle. Although I am only 24, I would rather spend my money on meaningful things such as traveling, experiences, etc. My ex currently spends money on going out (alcohol, food, etc).

 

I've been very upset since we have broken up. It hurts more feeling like we never lived up to our potential because there were too many outside influencers at the time. I feel like I would be more ok if I didn't feel like we had so much more to give.

 

We have been in contact twice in the week and a half. Once was him saying he couldn't live the lifestyle he wanted to live dating me now and that he didn't think he had the same feelings for me, although he loves me to death.

 

Then a few days later I was drunk and made the stupid decision to contact him and ask for sex. His responses to me was a lot different from the first time we spoke. He said he wanted to but that he felt it would be too emotional for both of us and I reminded him he said that he didn't have feelings for me anymore and he said it was so hard for him and it's hard for him to be around me. He asked me to meet Jim somewhere to talk and we ended up having sex. I definitely regretted it afterwards but he said that we could hang out, have lunch, etc but we needed to wait a month before we could have sex again.

 

But anyways, is it even realistic that people who didn't work the first time could work out again? Obviously I'm going with the attitude that we are done but he seemed so unsure of his feelings. And I may end up not wanting to work things out. I was such a great girlfriend to him and he took me for granted. I feel like he will eventually realize what he had

[Eocsor]

WOW. Big mistake. You've got to get some self respect. You can't suck him into coming back by screwing him. Thwe guy dumped you because he wanted a party lifestyle. That means going out and having sex with other women. Don't delude yourself that this won't happen. Give him the chance and he will use you. But it won't get him back. Time to move on. This is done. He's made a conscious choice. The fact that you were a "great" girlfriend means nothing now.

[DN]

You want to travel - he wants to party and socialise. Why is your want more meaningful than his?

[GreenCupcake]

Girl, you need to wake up. He didn't treat you well during the relationship, and he's making it pretty obvious that he doesn't want to get back with you because he'd rather party. What is so special about him that you chose to degrade yourself by asking him for sex? There will be no sugar-coating in this response. The guy is a complete a$$ and you're acting desperate for someone who is not even worth it.

 

Just sit down and think realistically for at least 5 minutes - no emotions, just use your brain this time. He really had nothing to offer you. You need to start focusing on yourself here.

[JLKLEE]

You want to travel - he wants to party and socialise. Why is your want more meaningful than his?

 

Well let me clarify...party and socialize as in do cocaine and get arrested for it and get so drunk he can't speak and falls and busts his face or he chooses to drink and drive

[LDRohnos]

Then a few days later I was drunk and made the stupid decision to contact him and ask for sex. His responses to me was a lot different from the first time we spoke. He said he wanted to but that he felt it would be too emotional for both of us and I reminded him he said that he didn't have feelings for me anymore and he said it was so hard for him and it's hard for him to be around me. He asked me to meet Jim somewhere to talk and we ended up having sex. I definitely regretted it afterwards but he said that we could hang out, have lunch, etc but we needed to wait a month before we could have sex again.

 

Never sleep with him again while you're not in a relationship with him. Every time you do it your self-esteem is going to go down one more notch.

 

He wants one lifestyle and you don't. As DN said neither of you are right or wrong and you cannot blame him for not wanting to change.

 

Was this the man you started dating in the first place? Perhaps it was a mistake getting into a relationship with someone that you had such a different view on lifestyles.

[DN]

Well let me clarify...party and socialize as in do cocaine and get arrested for it and get so drunk he can't speak and falls and busts his face or he chooses to drink and drive

So long as he is doing that then I think you should both stay away and move on.

[GreenCupcake]

Well let me clarify...party and socialize as in do cocaine and get arrested for it and get so drunk he can't speak and falls and busts his face or he chooses to drink and drive

 

Again, what is so good about him? Because quite frankly, I don't see anything.

[JLKLEE]

Never sleep with him again while you're not in a relationship with him. Every time you do it your self-esteem is going to go down one more notch.

 

He wants one lifestyle and you don't. As DN said neither of you are right or wrong and you cannot blame him for not wanting to change.

 

Was this the man you started dating in the first place? Perhaps it was a mistake getting into a relationship with someone that you had such a different view on lifestyles.

 

When we started dating this was not the lifestyle I thought he wanted to live. He would tell me about his goals and dreams. I knew he liked to have drinks but I do as well.

[JLKLEE]

Again, what is so good about him? Because quite frankly, I don't see anything.

 

My head could very well be clouded right now. It's only been a week and a half. But we had a lot in common and had a lot of great times together.

[bulletproof]

Well let me clarify...party and socialize as in do cocaine and get arrested for it and get so drunk he can't speak and falls and busts his face or he chooses to drink and drive

 

So consider why you would want to be with someone who has so little regard for himself that he does this, and so little regard for others that he does things like drink and drive. Why are you okay with that? You might answer that there are good times, too, but the fact is that you can have good times with plenty of people who don't do coke or drinks and drives.

 

You are in love with who you think he has the potential to be, not the man himself. Never enter a relationship with the intention to change someone. It usually doesn't work.

[Eocsor]

My head could very well be clouded right now. It's only been a week and a half. But we had a lot in common and had a lot of great times together.

 

He chose to do cocaine and get arrested for it and get so drunk he can't speak and fall and bust his face and he chooses to drink and drive. Sounds like a winner. I can see where you'd have a lot in common there.

[GreenCupcake]

You know, my ex and I had a lot of great times together and we did have things in common but time allowed me to see him for who he really was - an immature liar who never accepted blame and chose substances over me.

 

You need to completely ignore this guy if you want to see him for who he really is.

[The Man Who]

Jeez, I just read the original post in this thread.

 

Basically from what I can assume is that you've given him ALL the power and your letting him dictate things on his terms, not your own. You had sex with him and regretted it, yet your going in with the assumption that your both done? Kinda conflicting that part isn't it? The excuse of being drunk means nothing, it's just an excuse at the end of the day - 9 times out of 10 real feelings come out when people are drunk so your actions speak a hell of a lot louder than your words.

 

Do what you want from now on, do things on your terms, not his as you've currently got little to no self value left from what it seems.