deeplongbreath Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 So for the first time in 8 months the ex and I had a "text night" yesterday. I didn't really expect him to reply so quickly and for such a long time (from 6 to 11 pm). He usually either ignores my texts (which is fine by me since I consider myself healed or very close to be), or at the best replies a few times and then he stops and we go back to NC. We never talk about serious stuff, only technology, hobbies and such. What surprises me now is the fact that he himself somehow brought up “us” several times. He said things like “there are better men out there” (I replied “who knows”), and ended up the conversation with “life is complicated”. The funniest moment was when we were talking about elephants. He was referring to himself as one (“I’m like elephants, I remember”……..) and he said “they live to please” to which I texted back “now that’s a typo, you meant they leave to please hahaha sorry” and he laughed, said he still had a sense of humour. Obviously he doesn’t have a girlfriend at the moment (if so he wouldn’t be texting an ex for hours, would he?), and maybe he feels lonely… he was all flirty now and then… but since he knows I’m not doing the FWB thing any more (last time happened in March) why would he do that? Testing the waters perhaps. So of course I’m wondering what the heck all this is about, what could he possibly have in mind, but it’s not eating me up like it used to back in the days when everything was about him and our relationship. I’m just happy we could share some laughs, and the rest… well, time will tell. Hope all of you will get there because it feels really good Link to comment
lanaa Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 I am really happy for you this sounds as a good sign well my ex and i have been mailing for the last 2-3 weeks and he has a girlfriend(i know it),so you never know..but it probably means even if he has he is not that happy with her.In my case,he lives in an other country so i don't know what interest he can have in talking with me since he doesn't have the chance for a friends with benefits,or booty call..i don't know you never know with guys Link to comment
Fun Boater 1 Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 The whole texting thing is a cop out and a poor excuse for real communication. There's no voice inflection, or innotation, to detect - just words on a screen. It's even worse than chatting online, IMO. If you want to have real conversations with people you care about, call them on the phone. But hey, I'm old school I guess! Link to comment
Raaawr Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 The whole texting thing is a cop out and a poor excuse for real communication. There's no voice inflection, or innotation, to detect - just words on a screen. It's even worse than chatting online, IMO. If you want to have real conversations with people you care about, call them on the phone. But hey, I'm old school I guess! You're completely correct. Texting has probably killed my relationship. Sure fun texting is fine but instead of picking up the phone and sorting problems out we just argued in text. Honestly, Ill never text again in a relationship. Link to comment
Jim Wormold Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 The whole texting thing is a cop out and a poor excuse for real communication. There's no voice inflection, or innotation, to detect - just words on a screen. It's even worse than chatting online, IMO. If you want to have real conversations with people you care about, call them on the phone. But hey, I'm old school I guess! You're completely correct. Texting has probably killed my relationship. Sure fun texting is fine but instead of picking up the phone and sorting problems out we just argued in text. Honestly, Ill never text again in a relationship. Was just thinking the same thing as I was reading these texting accounts. I wouldnt be surprised if part of our post-BU misunderstandings (I do it in a foreign language too)...is also due to texting. I mean seriously - condensing your thoughts into x number of characters??! Fine if you are a happy couple but now, everything gets over-analysed. Strange how she doesnt email instead. I play with the idea of emailing but am then at least comforted that a text doesnt get spam-binned. Not much chance of contact for now though, so no worries. I long for face to face communication. It almost makes a new woman seem a better option sometimes. If I was thinking with my head of course. Link to comment
deeplongbreath Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 Yep, I'd love to have face to face communication too... But my ex is a shy guy when it comes to women (and maybe especially me, since we have history). Knowing that plus the fact that we have been NC for so long, I'm thinking texting is okay for now. Baby steps. I wouldn't want to scare him with a "let's meet someday" if he's not ready because his answer may then be the exact opposite of what I want. He "did it" again last night, joking and flirting, so I guess he's either bored to death or missing me... well, "us". Don't know. The only thing I know right now, if we ever get back together, it will take time. Link to comment
lanaa Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 He "did it" again last night, joking and flirting, so I guess he's either bored to death or missing me... well, "us". Don't know. who started first? Link to comment
deeplongbreath Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 who started first? I did. I know, I know... lol. Not texting him today though ;-) Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 If you keep initiating you'll never know what he would have done without you prodding him. Link to comment
lanaa Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 make him get used to you,then just pull away thats what usually worked for me before Link to comment
deeplongbreath Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 Sounds like fun but I don't want to play games. I'm doing what seems right to me, and I'm willing to pay the price whatever it is. He may ignore me from now on and for some time but strangely I just don't care like I used to. Link to comment
deeplongbreath Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 Haven't heard from him for 3 days, after he had spent 2 nights in a row texting me like mad. Thought he was probably busy during the weekend, either going out with friends (not very likely but you never know) or working in his flat (told me he was on a painting job the other day). I texted him this morning. No response. Then at lunchtime "You've been very quiet lately, fun's gone! Everything ok?". No response. This is WEIRD. Maybe he's dead? lol Link to comment
lanaa Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 I texted him this morning. No response. Then at lunchtime "You've been very quiet lately, fun's gone! Everything ok?". No response. This is WEIRD. Maybe he's dead? lol hmm you did a mistake there...he did not reply to your text,so you write 2 more? Link to comment
deeplongbreath Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 That's because I know there is still a possibility that he didn't hear the first text. It was something common when we were together (men !!) Link to comment
lanaa Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 i see,well i would not contact him again until he contacts first Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 I don't mean to be mean, but the texting....maybe he was just bored....and you were filler. You can ascribe any demeanor you want to him, since you are unwilling to have a conversation with him....but I think that you, in your heart of heart, know that the texting is a band aid on a very deep wound. For your own sanity and mental health ----go silent. Link to comment
deeplongbreath Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 I didn't say I was unwilling to have a conversation with him. What I'm saying is he's not one who likes to be pushed ("don't push it girlie" used to be one of his favourite replies). Seriously, who likes that anyway? I have learned to be patient, no pushing any more, I wait for people to be ready - not only him but everyone, since it was clearly something I needed to improve in my behaviour. Bored, yeah... I've thought of that too, of course. But the fact that he was texting me so quickly the other night while he was painting at the same time made me wonder. He's not a good multitasker at all, so putting down his brush to take his phone and text, then going back to his wall and so on all night long... He must have had something specific in mind back then. It's gone now, obviously! Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 You will drive yourself crazy trying to ascribe his state of mind to his behavior. And you are unwilling to "talk" to him --- because he might find it too forward. It's okay, but it is what it is. Texting "seems" safer. Except that it just begs more questions. Link to comment
deeplongbreath Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 You will drive yourself crazy trying to ascribe his state of mind to his behavior. You're bloody right and I know it. Better get back on dating websites and leave him alone for a while ;-) Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 When I'm right, I'm right. Sucks --- but you are right too --- get back out there and catch a good one! Link to comment
deeplongbreath Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 Yeh, I'm willing to try again... I have already had a serious boyfriend for a couple of weeks and a few flings... nothing to write home about but I'm trying to stay open to the possibility that there is someone better for me than him out there. Until now I've only been wasting my time and energy (and others', sadly) because even though I got along well with some guys, at some point - rather sooner than later - I completely lost interest in them. Shhh, life has its mysterious ways. lol Link to comment
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