This is so unfair...

[AnnaN]

As the title says... it is so unfair, I can't stand thinking of it.

Why should someone have to go through all this pain and despair without deserving it?

 

I have seen couples fighting, cheating, dumping, dumpers coming back to the person that cheated on them, dumpees who cheated asking for a second chance and getting it, people who don't really love the other but use them etc... and all these people get what they want and are happy now.

 

I had always been trying for my relationship, never hurt him, he never did either. I was trying to make him happy, he did the same (or I thought he did, I don't know any more). I never lied to him, I never did anything bad to anyone. And what did I get for being honest, supportive, the "perfect girlfriend"? I ended up alone, being dumped by someone I was planning to spend my life with and thought he loved me. If he, who did all these to me and made me happy for 4 years, didn't love me, what are my chances to find someone that he will really love me and stay with me for ever?

 

I will have always the fear that he may dumped me one day out of the sudden just like the ex did. We are great right now, in love, making plans, but who knows, in a couple of hours he may call and tell me it's over for some reason that doesn't have to do with me. Like the ex did... How could I feel safe in a relationship again? If I ever find another one.

 

Why try, put an effort on something if this is not going to be appreciated? Why there are people and couples like the ones I mentioned before that get what they want? I have may in my environment and I see how they are, and I wonder what did I do wrong?

 

Why did I fail in my life? Why nothing good has happened to me? Do I really deserve it?

[mhowe]

First of all, no one ever said life was fair. Really ---

 

Secondly, you didn't fail at life -- a relationship ended. One. I'm sure you have succeeded at many relationships in your life. So why are you giving away so much of your power. He didn't appreciate what you had to offer. Fine ----- find someone who will.

[Eocsor]

Seriously, we all hurt after we get dumped. But it's time to end this pity party. You are doing yourself no good. Not everyone gets what they want in life. Not all, or even most couples get a second chance. If you are living, breathing and dating, chances are you are going to get dumped once or twice. If you can't live with that, don't date. Putting yourself out there always involves risk. There are no garuntees. But the alternative is to stay by yourself and forgoe the possibility of finding real love.

 

It's time for you to accept what has happened and work on moving on. The woe is me routine isn't doing you any good.

[Liraele]

All a part of growing up, darlin'. Doesn't matter if you are 15, 30, 50... pain means growth. Growth means you're becoming a better you.

 

Life isn't fair - better get used to that now. It never will be, and saying it isn't fair is just allowing yourself to be a victim.

 

mhowe is going to start to think I'm stalking her.

[Furbys]

You cant live in the fear that you could get dumped any minute, that is a horrible way to live life. Just enjoy your relationship.

[LDRohnos]

I never lied to him, I never did anything bad to anyone. And what did I get for being honest, supportive, the "perfect girlfriend"? I ended up alone, being dumped by someone I was planning to spend my life with and thought he loved me. If he, who did all these to me and made me happy for 4 years, didn't love me, what are my chances to find someone that he will really love me and stay with me for ever?

 

You did all the things you should do in a relationship. Sometimes you can give someone all that you can give and it won't be enough. Why? Depends. Sometimes what you have to offer is not what they need or what they're looking for. Sometimes all that hard work and effort go to waste because the relationship doesn't mean nearly as much to them as it does to you. Thousands of other reasons apply.

 

You haven't failed in life. You're thinking in terms of other peoples expectations of what your life SHOULD be. When you think inwardly and say "what do I want out of life" and not "what do other people think I should be" you'll find the little things in life more rewarding.

 

Relationships are a risk, they always are. The more you invest yourself into a relationship, the more open you are with it, the more vulnerable you allow yourself to become, the more you stand to gain from it. At the same time, when opening yourself up in such a way you put yourself at risk of being VERY hurt in the process.

 

As human beings one of our greatest attributes is our ability to move on from hurt and not let it cripple us. We learn from our past mistakes and we grow as a result. It just takes time.

 

There will be a time again when you're willing to open yourself up to another person again and the next time might be with someone who will cherish that vulnerability you give them with a lifetime of happiness. Keep hope in that, it's what we all desire out of that aspect of the human experience.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I have seen couples fighting, cheating, dumping, dumpers coming back to the person that cheated on them, dumpees who cheated asking for a second chance and getting it, people who don't really love the other but use them etc... and all these people get what they want and are happy now.

 

Are they really happy? A lot of people settle for a garbage relationship because they think garbage is better than nothing. Many people who take back cheaters never have peace of mind and always wonder if their partner is cheating again. The relationship is never the same..but they stick it out because they don't want to be alone. Many people don't love their partner, but again the just want the perks of being in a relationship even though they feel lonely and empty. Do you think couples who fight all the time are happy? Nope. The thing is society promotes the notion that couplehood is best so many people would rather be in an unhappy union as long as they conform to what society dictates is normal.

[Raaawr]

Hi there,

 

I understand your pain. I am in the same boat, I see guys do much worse things to their girlfriends than I have done and they forgive them and take them back. Me? Yeah I failed at some things. I should have told her I loved her more and hugged her more but I always there to listen when she needed me. Always there to remind her that her silly fears are silly and she has nothing to worry about. I got us an apartment so she wouldnt have to travel hours to college everyday. I bought the food and cooked it for her. Yes I turned around one day when she left her washing for me to hang up for the third time as she went home to her parents that she needs to pull her weight but how does that not deserve a second chance?

 

I have the same fear, I may never meet someone again. A woman may never again even look at me and Ill die alone but I know now, that since the break up I have done all I can to win her back, she is still deciding but I think if she wanted to come back she would have decided by now. I cannot do anymore than that.

 

I dont have answers to your questions because I honestly feel like a giant failure myself bur no you dont deserve it. No one deserves the pain, the pounding heart, the restless sleep and then on top of it all the thoughts that the person you love and are thinking about every day are probably not even thinking about you it all.

 

You're not alone in how you feel.

[mikhylabelle]

oh, Anna. Sometimes, i feel the same way. I even said the same sentiments to my now ex. But... i just remind myself over & over again that we don't know what's really going on behind other couple's doors. A lot of people want to project the image of being happy and fulfilled because it's so important for their ego, and maybe it is what's keeping their sense of self intact. I try my best not to be affected by this. I just think that maybe it's their time to be happy at last. I don't know their history, or what they have gone through in the past. Maybe, some years ago, they might have suffered the same, or maybe even worse than what i am experiencing, and now is just the time for them to finally find happiness in love. Everybody's case is different, and sometimes, even if two people are perfect individually, sometimes, they are not perfect for each other.