loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Hi guys...well as you can see, i broke 6 weeks of NC i just coundn't hold it anymore, i've battled with the urges for over a week now... I asked if i could talk with him sunday night when he's back at his place....he said he might have the kids sunday and he could give me a call tonight, no need to wait until the weekend, i told him the weekend is better for me, he said what about friday? i said i'm out friday...told him we could talk next week sometime when he's free, just text me, he said it will probs be ok sunday but he'll text n let me know, if not we can arrange another time... No, i have not got my hopes up, i've just decided that this is my last ditch attempt to work things out, i've been asked out on a date and i can't go until i know that we are well and truly done, i love this man with all my heart and i know there is no one else i want or i could love more... I have got no idea what i'm going to say to him when we speak i was hoping that i could get some advice of you guys? love loulou x Link to comment
Raaawr Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Hi guys...well as you can see, i broke 6 weeks of NC i just coundn't hold it anymore, i've battled with the urges for over a week now... Thats ok, you did well to make it 6 weeks. I asked if i could talk with him sunday night when he's back at his place.... Looks like we will both be doing the same thing come Sunday, good luck to both! he said he might have the kids sunday and he could give me a call tonight, no need to wait until the weekend, i told him the weekend is better for me, he said what about friday? i said i'm out friday...told him we could talk next week sometime when he's free, just text me, he said it will probs be ok sunday but he'll text n let me know, if not we can arrange another time... Dont change any plans for him! No, i have not got my hopes up, i've just decided that this is my last ditch attempt to work things out, i've been asked out on a date and i can't go until i know that we are well and truly done, i love this man with all my heart and i know there is no one else i want or i could love more... One last shot then you can feel like you've done everything you possibly could? Why not, I feel the same. I have got no idea what i'm going to say to him when we speak i was hoping that i could get some advice of you guys? First of all prepare for the worst, prepare for no matter what you say for him to respond with "I dont care, get out of my house". Be ready for that. Next, maintain calm. What I did was, I wrote down everything I wanted to say in a letter and kept it in my pocket. When I felt I was forgetting something while I was talking I decided I would give the letter, that way I know everything I could possibly think of would be covered and I couldn't doubt "What if I said this" in a few days time. Also having this safety net helped to relax me. Whether they read it or not is a whole other story! Do your best not to be emotional and unapologetic. I got some great advice on how to handle the meeting in my thread if you feel like reading it. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 thanks raaawr...i'm not meeting him, it's just a phone call...now i'm crapping myself lol yea this is the last chance to fix things..alot harder for me cos 1 of the reasons we split is distance and that is not something i can change right now, even to get talking again would be a bonus, at least is opens the door for the future. loulou x Link to comment
Raaawr Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 thanks raaawr...i'm not meeting him, it's just a phone call...now i'm crapping myself lol yea this is the last chance to fix things..alot harder for me cos 1 of the reasons we split is distance and that is not something i can change right now, even to get talking again would be a bonus, at least is opens the door for the future. loulou x It is it impossible to meet? Face to face is better so you can see the expressions but it will also set you back in your no contact ALOT and I really mean alot. Write down some notes and have them handy while you on the phone. Link to comment
lemonhaze Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Are you planning on mentioning that you were asked for a date? Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I personally wouldn't bother because you already know what he answer is going to be. You don't need his permission to go on a date, he's probably going on dates right now - why shouldn't you? If you are dead-set on doing this, might I suggest you at least videochat? I think the phone is a poor medium for this kind of conversation. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 It is it impossible to meet? Face to face is better so you can see the expressions but it will also set you back in your no contact ALOT and I really mean alot. Write down some notes and have them handy while you on the phone. I can't do face to face, we had that 6 weeks ago and anyway i want to go slow...that would be too much right now. I don't want to scare him off. loulou x Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Are you planning on mentioning that you were asked for a date? No i wasn't going to mention the date, it would just seem like i was trying to dig at him.... louloux Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 I personally wouldn't bother because you already know what he answer is going to be. You don't need his permission to go on a date, he's probably going on dates right now - why shouldn't you? If you are dead-set on doing this, might I suggest you at least videochat? I think the phone is a poor medium for this kind of conversation. I know he won't be dating, he's too wrapped up with his kids n he only left his wife 6 months ago...that was part of the problem why we split up, he's alll messed up loulou x Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Then what, may I ask, is the point of your upcoming talk. You can't change the distance, you can't change the fact that he's got his kids, and he is only 6 months out of his marriage. What do you hope to gain? Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 If he's all messed up and left his wife 6 months ago, you should probably just leave him be. Both he and his kids are going through a lot and I don't think adding pressure is going to help your cause any. The more stress you add, the more he will push you away. Can't you just let it be, go about your business and if he comes back, he comes back? I just think it's pretty clear that the phone call isn't going to give you the result that you want at all (especially given the extra details of your situation). Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Then what, may I ask, is the point of your upcoming talk. You can't change the distance, you can't change the fact that he's got his kids, and he is only 6 months out of his marriage. What do you hope to gain? We were togehter a year, for me the distance is nothing, it's only 1 n a half hrs on the train, we done it before for a year so i don't see the difference now....everything came on top with him and he said he couldn't cope, he said he still loved me...i'm hoping with a little time apart he's thought about his decision and maybe changed his mind...lots of people do. There is no reason we can't live together in the future once things are settled on his end, this is what we planned. I'm not saying we can be together right now, i always said to him he needed time to get himself sorted but he said he didn't want to lose me...am i wrong now cos i don't want to lose him? I love him, i want him in my life... loulou x Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 If he's all messed up and left his wife 6 months ago, you should probably just leave him be. Both he and his kids are going through a lot and I don't think adding pressure is going to help your cause any. The more stress you add, the more he will push you away. Can't you just let it be, go about your business and if he comes back, he comes back? I just think it's pretty clear that the phone call isn't going to give you the result that you want at all (especially given the extra details of your situation). Why is this all about what he is going through? no one knew about me, the kids don't even know daddy has left, he's there nearly all the time....we got into this together, i stuck with him. loulou x Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Then 6 weeks isn't enough time, given what he has on his plate. I think you will make your self more attractive if you make yourself scarce. Because you know he hasn't "solved" his issues. Nothing has changed on his end -- he is not rethinking the decision. If he had, he would have called you. He is willing to talk to you, but this isn't going to end the way you want it to. You are going to tell him --- you love him, you miss him, this is too hard to be apart. You think he doesn't know this? You are just putting your feelings on his plate --- something he purposefully took off his plate. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Anyway, i'm talking to him sunday, has anyone got any advice on how to handle the call? loulou x Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Then 6 weeks isn't enough time, given what he has on his plate. I think you will make your self more attractive if you make yourself scarce. Because you know he hasn't "solved" his issues. Nothing has changed on his end -- he is not rethinking the decision. If he had, he would have called you. He is willing to talk to you, but this isn't going to end the way you want it to. You are going to tell him --- you love him, you miss him, this is too hard to be apart. You think he doesn't know this? You are just putting your feelings on his plate --- something he purposefully took off his plate. No i'm not gonna say any of that...why would i do that? loulou x Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Anyway - no. Well thanks for your rude response....i asked for specific advice and i get this!! loulou x Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Why is this all about what he is going through? no one knew about me, the kids don't even know daddy has left, he's there nearly all the time....we got into this together, i stuck with him. loulou x You are asking about how to reconnect with a man who is 6 months out of a marriage, has kids, who already knows how you feel, etc... The best way to get him back is to give him space. 6 weeks for a guy in this situation is really not enough time at all. He knows how you feel, he knows that you want him, the thing is that is doesn't know that he wants to be with you. Your call isn't going to help him make up his mind for the better (though it might make him decide that he can't deal with another source of pressure in his life right now). I think you need to be more strategic about this - right now you are giving in to your short-term desires, but I really don't think it's going to get you want you want in the long-term. Unless you just want to hear him reject you one last time and, if that's what you really need to let this go completely, then ok go ahead. But I think that you still want him back, in which case, give him some space and let him come to you. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 We been split 3 months....i stuck by him, so why am i wrong to be thinking of me? i wanted out so many times but he wouldn't let me go....i know he loves me. loulou x Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 I'm not calling to ask him back,,,or to tell him i love him, miss him etc.... i just want to talk to him, as i said before in my other thread, i blocked him on my email and the last he knew i'd lost me phone so i don't even know if he's tried to contact me. loulou x Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 We been split 3 months....i stuck by him, so why am i wrong to be thinking of me? i wanted out so many times but he wouldn't let me go....i know he loves me. loulou x You don't get it. I AM thinking of you. You are just not thinking clearly. You want what you want right now, and I'm telling you - you need to be strategic to get it and in your case, time is your friend. Pushing him right now is a mistake. Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 So what are you calling him for? You say you split 3 months ago, but you've only been NC for 6 weeks. You are the one who "asked" for the call, and are now asking advice for what to talk about. Most posters will tell you --- dont' make the call. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I'm not calling to ask him back,,,or to tell him i love him, miss him etc.... i just want to talk to him, as i said before in my other thread, i blocked him on my email and the last he knew i'd lost me phone so i don't even know if he's tried to contact me. loulou x So you are calling to be his friend?? I don't understand what you hope to accomplish with this and you really should just stay NC, but you seem dead-set on it, so best of luck. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 You don't get it. I AM thinking of you. You are just not thinking clearly. You want what you want right now, and I'm telling you - you need to be strategic to get it and in your case, time is your friend. Pushing him right now is a mistake. I'm not pushing him, i asked if i could give him a call, he said he'd call me tonight, i said i want to wait till the weekend....i'm not even going to ask to reconcile, i just want to open the door for the future maybe....things change and maybe we can get back together in the future. loulou x Link to comment
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