i caved, broke NC!!

[magnoliatree]

I'm not pushing him, i asked if i could give him a call, he said he'd call me tonight, i said i want to wait till the weekend....i'm not even going to ask to reconcile, i just want to open the door for the future maybe....things change and maybe we can get back together in the future.

 

loulou x

 

Calling him is pushing him. It IS a form of pressure especially to someone getting out of a marriage, etc... He knows that the door is open, you don't have to keep telling him so.

[loulou37]

So what are you calling him for? You say you split 3 months ago, but you've only been NC for 6 weeks.

 

You are the one who "asked" for the call, and are now asking advice for what to talk about. Most posters will tell you --- dont' make the call.

 

 

I know what everyone is saying...he was fine to talk with me, he could of said no if he had wanted to...i'm not pressuring him.

 

loulou x

[magnoliatree]

I know what everyone is saying...he was fine to talk with me, he could of said no if he had wanted to...i'm not pressuring him.

 

loulou x

 

I'm going to bow out of your thread now. I wish you the best of luck!

[loulou37]

Calling him is pushing him. It IS a form of pressure especially to someone getting out of a marriage, etc... He knows that the door is open, you don't have to keep telling him so.

 

 

He never knew the door was open to him, i said i wouldn't be going backwards....as i said he had no way of contacting me, even i he wanted to, i'm not telling him anything...i'm calling to talk to him, i miss him and i want to talk to him, i won't be telling him that.

 

loulou x

[loulou37]

I'm going to bow out of your thread now. I wish you the best of luck!

 

Thank you.

 

loulou x

[winniethepooh]

I'm not calling to ask him back,,,

But in your first post you said you were?

 

i've just decided that this is my last ditch attempt to work things out,

See, that's the problem with trying to contact him right now. You're in turmoil and not really sure what you want. You just know that it hurts and you miss him.

 

I'm quite sure he knows that you didn't want to break up. If you keep contacting him, especially in your current state, it's going to push him away even further. And it's going to slow down your recovery.

 

Anyway, it's done now. If he seems willing to talk about the relationship then take it from there. But if not, then try and detach yourself from whatever conversation you have with him with as much dignity as possible, and do your best to leave him alone, and focus on your own healing. Use your energy to fight the urge to contact him. I know it's far easier said than done, and it hurts, but you have to try and keep going. Good luck

[ironman73]

I dunno. I broke NC and wanted to take it slow and it just blew up on me. It is over over now. Let him break NC. Seriously. Please don't do it.

[superfox]

I know he won't be dating, he's too wrapped up with his kids n he only left his wife 6 months ago...that was part of the problem why we split up, he's alll messed up

 

loulou x

 

We were togehter a year, for me the distance is nothing, it's only 1 n a half hrs on the train, we done it before for a year so i don't see the difference now....everything came on top with him and he said he couldn't cope, he said he still loved me...i'm hoping with a little time apart he's thought about his decision and maybe changed his mind...lots of people do.

He left his wife for you and you say that this is one of the reasons you split. Now you mention the distance and this too is one of the reasons you split.

 

Maybe the split was more to do with him wanting to focus on how much he's hurt his children and needs to seriously mend some bridges here. Let him be and find some single guy closer to home who isn't a lying cheater. Just my advice.

[loulou37]

His children doesn't know he's gone even, he goes every night to see them after work, puts them to bed, spends every weekend at his wifes house with the children, he pays for the house, bills and everything...i know it was hard for him to leave his kids but he had already made that decision before we met, he never left for me, he moved into a place just round the corner from them...he had also told his wife a long time before that he didn't love her and that he was just there for the children so he never cheated, they were no longer sleepoing together and hadn't been for a long time.

 

loulou x

[hodgeheg]

Oh Loulou, I feel so much sadness for you. If I had a time machine and I could go back and stop you contacting him I would! But I promise that it is only because I care and I think that this is only going to hurt you. But you seem deadset on it so...

 

1. Decide what you want from this conversation. I'm unsure as to whether you want to just catch up and be friends or ask him to get back together?

2. Try your hardest to stay as calm as possible.

3. Have a friend there afterwards, or arrange to go and see your mum afterwards (or just someone you can confide in but someone who won't let you wollow in self-pity)

4. Write down anything important that you know you want to say.

 

I tried these type of conversations with my ex whilst he was deciding what he wanted (or growing the b*lls to end it) and I always felt happy afterwards because he always seemed to agree with me. But then he never followed through. For 3 whole weeks it would go like this: > I'd ring him and tell him I needed to see him/talk about us > He'd agree and say he'd come round "tomorrow" > On "tomorrow" something would come up, or he just wouldn't feel like seeing me > I'd ring, say it was fine and ask him to come round "tomorrow" instead. > and repeat, for 3 weeks! In the end I was actually a little relieved when he did grow the b*lls to end this childish game.

 

I guess what I'm getting at is that - Actions really do speak louder than words. -

 

I hope this conversation goes how you want and that he means what he says. Good luck!

[loulou37]

Thank you hodgeheg funnily enough, i was thinking bout you today, wondering where you'd got to, i thought you must of got back with your ex as you had gone quiet lol...

 

how are things for you?

 

loulou x

[hodgeheg]

Thank you hodgeheg funnily enough, i was thinking bout you today, wondering where you'd got to, i thought you must of got back with your ex as you had gone quiet lol...

 

how are things for you?

 

loulou x

 

Noooooo way, that ship has sailed for me I think! And anything that did happen I would surely post it here for everyone to learn from at the very least. Things are okay for me, I've come up with an early new years resolution of never saying no to an invitation to do something and it's going nicely so far. At the very least it means I don't have too much time on my hands to think! And my degree is getting pretty hectic with deadlines.

 

Don't get me wrong, last Monday I cried in the library, to a lecturer (made me feel like I was about 5 and back in school!), walking around asda, on the train and down the phone to my mum for a good hour! But that's over a week ago now and I feel like I got quite a lot of my self-pitying done for the time being.

 

Keep that chin up girl and face the world!

[loulou37]

i'm glad to hear you're getting there....i felt not too bad until my bday came n went n i had heard nothing from him, that was when my setback happened..i'm still very much up n down :s i'm even thinking now of not talking to my ex...everyone here has put me off the idea n just made me feel like crap.

 

loulou x

[hodgeheg]

I think people here (and in life really) judge too quickly.

 

You gotta do what you gotta do! I do think that no contact is hard but the right thing to do for your sanity and your healing. I don't know if this talk will set you back or not, only you can figure that out! Maybe just having it out with him and asking "do you want to get back together?" and then (probably, I'm sorry) receiving a "no" might help you to accept that it's over?

[loulou37]

I think people here (and in life really) judge too quickly.

 

You gotta do what you gotta do! I do think that no contact is hard but the right thing to do for your sanity and your healing. I don't know if this talk will set you back or not, only you can figure that out! Maybe just having it out with him and asking "do you want to get back together?" and then (probably, I'm sorry) receiving a "no" might help you to accept that it's over?

 

I think you're right, i was origanallly wanted to talk to him just to let him know the door is open, to know it's ok to contact me, just get some communication going, i know he is stubborn, also he thought i'd lost my phone so i wanted him to know i still had the same number....i read on another site that NC is to heal not to get your ex back but if you do want a chance to reconcile you have to break it at some point and not to leave it too long or you risk losing them.

 

thanks for being so nice hodgeheg...i've been quite upset xx

 

loulou x

[hodgeheg]

Here you go loulou:

 

 

 

 

 

I've got to say that if I were you then I woudn't have broken no contact, but I am not you, you are! And if you feel like you need to talk to him then you should, but you probably will get hurt in the process.

 

If you want cheering up then I recommend watching the trial on I'm a celebrity! It's had me in stitches!

[loulou37]

Here you go loulou:

 

 

 

 

 

I've got to say that if I were you then I woudn't have broken no contact, but I am not you, you are! And if you feel like you need to talk to him then you should, but you probably will get hurt in the process.

 

If you want cheering up then I recommend watching the trial on I'm a celebrity! It's had me in stitches!

 

I know i shouldn't have broke it...i just couldn't hold out any longer, he was gonna call me the same night but i said the weekend is better....i don't even know what i'm gonna say to him...i wish he had just said, it's better we don't talk or somthing!!

 

loulou x

[hodgeheg]

Well at least by waiting you have time to steel yourself and prepare! And hopefully not stress too much.

 

I'd also like to add that you should probably keep yourself busy in the run up to the phone call to try and keep calm.

 

I really hope this goes well for you! And I really want to cheer you up but I'm no good at jokes I'm afraid! Cheer yourself up, do something you enjoy doing, paint your nails or take a bath or just look at your little boy (I seem to remember you have one, hope I'm right!)

[loulou37]

Well at least by waiting you have time to steel yourself and prepare! And hopefully not stress too much.

 

I'd also like to add that you should probably keep yourself busy in the run up to the phone call to try and keep calm.

 

I really hope this goes well for you! And I really want to cheer you up but I'm no good at jokes I'm afraid! Cheer yourself up, do something you enjoy doing, paint your nails or take a bath or just look at your little boy (I seem to remember you have one, hope I'm right!)

 

 

I have been keeping busy, i have no choice really lol, got 3 kids...work part time, gym, football.....i have cried today though, i've been thinking about the upcoming telephone call and i'm scared i don't know whether to just be friendly and let the convo come to an end n say goodbye...or ask him about us...not sure if it's too soon.

 

loulou x

[diamond78]

You should just be yourself...friendly and see it as a "catching up" phone call. I wouldn't bring up the relationship unless he does. And if it all goes well, then I would not do anything again and let him come to you next time.

 

Don't stress yourself too much.

[chr8st8na]

Yea I just feel like people on here are jumping on your throat and not really listening.

 

Do what you want to do and whatever happens, take it and own it and learn from it....

Today I broke NC with the guy I was dating for six months and we went a whole month of NC. I missed him so much that I had to just text him for lunch. We met for lunch and I didn't bring up the relationship or the fights we had prior to the NC. I was actually surprise he didn;t ask me why I wanted to do NC abruptly but I think we both knew why it happened. Now that I broke NC, I had to tell him why so I told him I missed him and he told me he missed me too. But this also led the talk in to where we stand in the relationship. That's the difficult part because you might not like what they have to say in that department.

 

You can talk about the kids (that's what I did with him) and be honest and say "I really was thinking about you the other day... I missed your company." I don't think that's sounding needy or over the top. It's just a random comment and compliment. Obviously if you want to keep letting him know that you are interested in trying with him but not come on too desperate, just ask him once or twice a week for a coffee meet up or something. I think face to face is more impressive than texting/phone calls- it shows your commitment in using legwork to get his attention.