I asked for her phone number and she said she wants to take things slow

[SilverFactory]

How are you guys? Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

 

Well, I am in yet another dilemma. After trying a lot in many Dating sites I finally got a response from a woman in link removed. She lives around 3 hours away from me. I was obviously happy that she chose to communicate with me and sent her an email through the website. After around a week she responded. Then I sent another email and after around 10 days she replied. Yeah, she takes a long time to respond to my emails. Once she took 2 weeks to respond.

 

I then asked for her personal email id and she gave it to me. I sent an email to that id and never heard back. So I sent an email via the Dating website and she responded after a week. She also said that she never got my email in her personal account. I responded and asked for her phone number. After 4 to 5 days she sent me this response:

 

"Hi Redwood,

 

Yes. I was busy with blah blah blah....

 

I hope you do not mind. I would like to keep things on this level for now as we get to know one another before progressing to a phone conversation. I am sorry I missed your e-mail it might have accidentally been erased by one of my family members, you are more than welcome to resend it. May your week be filled with joy. Take care and have fun.

 

Cheers"

 

I am not sure what to make of this response. Its been more than a month since we started exchanging email messages and I believe the next step would be to start talking on the phone. I get the feeling that she is not really that interested in me

 

What do you guys think?

[Ms Darcy]

Throw that fish back in the water. I think you should try talking to/befriending women in real life.

[SilverFactory]

Throw that fish back in the water. I think you try talking to/befriending women in real life.

 

I am trying to meet women in real life too Darcy... that will be the topic of another thread.

 

But this woman - are you suggesting that I end it? if so why?

[FrenchFries]

The pace at which she is responding to your emails tells me she's not terribly serious about getting to know you. I agree with Ms Darcy. I think she is a lost cause.

[SilverFactory]

oh dear... I got one response out of the hundreds I sent and it had to turn out like this

 

Is there a reason why won't give me her phone number? what does she mean by "get to know one another before progressing to a phone conversation"?

[FrenchFries]

I guess for me, it would be more believable if she were responding more quickly. At the pace you are going you will be emailing her for the next year before you get a number, IF then. Maybe she's shy...maybe she's new to internet dating and is having second thoughts about the whole ordeal. She is just not comfortable with giving her your number at this point, only she knows why. Sorry.

[SilverFactory]

I guess for me, it would be more believable if she were responding more quickly. At the pace you are going you will be emailing her for the next year before you get a number, IF then. Maybe she's shy...maybe she's new to internet dating and is having second thoughts about the whole ordeal. She is just not comfortable with giving her your number at this point, only she knows why. Sorry.

 

Yeah that's what I thought too. When am I going to get her number, when will we talk, when will meet....

 

The reason why I am hesitating to cut her off is because I have been trying online dating this entire year and out of the hundreds and hundreds of messages I sent this was the only one that wrote back to me.. but it has turned out like this. I don't know what to do

[somethngwrng]

To be blunt, she's not interested. For whatever reason. Continued contact with her is not going to help your cause.

 

Keep looking.

[LaKings55]

Hence why I will never try online dating. I'd probably just come off as desperate and women seem to become jaded on these sites from the bombardment of messages from men, and men become jaded due to the sheer amount of messages they have to send just to get a response, a vicious circle it would seem. So, doesn't seem like something I'd ever want to be involved in. But as far as this one women goes, I'd just cut contact, she' seems to be avoiding you, for whatever reason.

[motley802]

Put her on the back burner and still keep looking around. Either she is genuinely busy or not that interested. I have tried online dating and the ones who were really into me responded within 24 hours and gave their phone # without hesitation.

[SilverFactory]

She did mention that she is busy... especially in the next coming weeks. But still the fact that she won't give me her number after a month of exchanging emails seems very odd to me. Honestly I doubt if I can be that patient...

 

So now.. should I just keep quiet or should I send her an email and say that I am done with her?

[camus154]

No need to inform people that you're done with them. They'll get the hint when they never hear from you.

[John3572]

I'd stop contacting you. No one waits weeks to respond(for any reason). Don't buy her "busy" excuse. Real people talk on the phone. What's the purpose of her being on that site anyway? She just wants to be e-mail buddies? No one has time for that waste of energy.

 

Maybe that site isn't working for you. You need to go out and meet people. At the rate things are going with her I don't think you'll ever meet her.

 

Also, some people do not feel comfortable giving out their phone number until they have gone out with you and know that you're okay and will not start acting crazy if things do not turn out they way you want them too. When I meet a woman I usually exchange an App text number with her(there's an app on the iphone that assigns you a number that's not your actual number, that way if you don't want to text the person anymore you can just delete the app). I use that as a safeguard of sorts that way if a woman starts being weird after I tell her I don't want to go out anymore I don't have to worry about her having my actual number. Btw, before I do that I always tell her I don't think we should go out again.

[SilverFactory]

Ok. I will let her go....

 

I really feel sad and dejected. I don't know if there is something I am doing wrong or if its just my luck. I have been trying to date and get into a relationship for many many many years now and the maximum I have gone is 1 single date. I feel like I am a decent guy and I have confidently approached women in public settings, night clubs, lounges etc and nothing works. Just a month ago I hit on 2 women in 2 different night clubs. Both responded very well, spoke well, had drinks, and THEN mentioned they already had a boyfriend. I turned to online dating and it seems to be even more difficult.

 

I feel lost.. I am not sure what else I am supposed to do.

[LaKings55]

Gotta admit, I admire your attempts. Do you truly need a woman in your life at this moment? Try your best to find your own happiness, completely independent of others. I've noticed that many people, potential friends, mates, etc are incredibly attracted to people who seem completely independent and content in their lives.

[SilverFactory]

Gotta admit, I admire your attempts. Do you truly need a woman in your life at this moment? Try your best to find your own happiness, completely independent of others. I've noticed that many people, potential friends, mates, etc are incredibly attracted to people who seem completely independent and content in their lives.

 

Thanks for the good words.

 

I am happy by myself. In fact I am at a place in my life where I feel the only thing missing is a woman. And while I have achieved a lot in my life I have repeatedly failed in my attempts to get a girlfriend. I am in my mid 30s now and wondering how long I can go on being single. My family is pushing me a lot and has started asking me if I need their help to find a woman. I feel ashamed at this. I would like to meet women by myself, date, get into a relationship, fall in love, and get married instead of my family choosing some one for me. But I am struggling to even get a response let alone a date.

 

It pains me to hear my friends say how they are having a great time with their new girlfriends. They have always been in relationships and have no trouble getting girlfriends. But for some reason its not happening for me. Just today my friends were raving about the awesome time they had with their girlfriends during the Thanksgiving holidays. The road trip, the travel, the steamy hot sex, all the fun..... and I was just sitting at home all by myself

[Glowguy]

Ok. I will let her go....

 

I really feel sad and dejected. I don't know if there is something I am doing wrong or if its just my luck. I have been trying to date and get into a relationship for many many many years now and the maximum I have gone is 1 single date. I feel like I am a decent guy and I have confidently approached women in public settings, night clubs, lounges etc and nothing works. Just a month ago I hit on 2 women in 2 different night clubs. Both responded very well, spoke well, had drinks, and THEN mentioned they already had a boyfriend. I turned to online dating and it seems to be even more difficult.

 

I feel lost.. I am not sure what else I am supposed to do.

 

Just keep trying and adjust your expectations. I think you are putting extra pressure on yourself because of the past. I didn't have a full blown relationship till I was close to 30 and in many ways it fell far short of my expectations so I fell in to the same trap. I'm definitely grateful for the experience and I've learned a lot from it but now I'm far more balanced in my approach to women. Hundreds of messages without replies is an awful lot and seems atypical. Think about things you can do to change your approach because the above obviously isn't working. Try to keep an open mind and be constructive. I've been on a lot of dates this year (most of which came out of OL dating), but I still don't consider it a success. Most of the dates were okay but I just didn't feel it. I usually push to meet up within one to three emails and if they don't bite then I move on.

 

People lose interest all the time on OL dating so you have to have some tolerance for rejection. Try not to take it personally because it usually isn't. At least you've had the courage to initiate with women in person and that's a step in the right direction. I still have a lot of difficulty with that so give yourself some credit and keep your head up (and expectations down).

[LaKings55]

Try finding pro tips on making a great profile. I can't remember where, but I saw something about studies on reactions to profile pics, and I vaguely remember something about men who weren't smiling or even necessarily looking straight at the camera were labeled the "most attractive" by women. Also high on the list, were men who had put photos of them doing physical activities, sports, biking, hiking, etc. Not sure how much stock to put in that, but it's food for thought. If I find that info again, I'll send it to you, but do some research and have other people look at your profile.

[RyanJ]

Try finding pro tips on making a great profile. I can't remember where, but I saw something about studies on reactions to profile pics, and I vaguely remember something about men who weren't smiling or even necessarily looking straight at the camera were labeled the "most attractive" by women. Also high on the list, were men who had put photos of them doing physical activities, sports, biking, hiking, etc. Not sure how much stock to put in that, but it's food for thought. If I find that info again, I'll send it to you, but do some research and have other people look at your profile.

 

This was a study done by OKCupid - you're absolutely right about their findings indicating women respond best to pictures of men who are not smiling / not looking at the camera.

 

To the OP: Do you have any conversation threads you can post here? What are you saying in your first message? What are you using for a subject line? Can you link to your profile for feedback purposes? The rate at which women are responding to you tells me you must be making some fundamental mistakes somewhere, as a typical response rate for someone doing all the right stuff is between 40-80%, compared with the (one out of hundreds?) 0.5% you seem to be getting.

 

Based purely on what you've been saying in this thread, I would say you have female scarcity issues which are causing you to self-sabotage.

 

E.g.

Just a month ago I hit on 2 women in 2 different night clubs. Both responded very well, spoke well, had drinks, and THEN mentioned they already had a boyfriend.

 

This sample size is waaaay too small to get frustrated about. When I was figuring out the whole dating thing and first started going to the club, I would be approaching 8-10 groups of girls per venue, and going to multiple venues, and going out multiple times per week. Sometimes I would have off nights and I would see no success at all, and that's over 15-30 approaches in a night. Two girls doing this could be a million different things and isn't worth focusing on.

 

Also, I would never buy girls drinks or drink myself when I go out. If you notice trends (like approaches going well, but getting shut down when you try to make a move) over dozens of interactions, then it might be something worth worrying about. For now, I would focus on getting more experience approaching and talking to girls. Clubs suck, try doing daytime approaches and being a bit more direct. Busy streets, bookstores, coffee shops, etc.

 

Good luck man!

[LaKings55]

Great info Ryan. Btw, if you need a prop, get a club soda/lime. Looks like a vodka tonic, no alcohol, and gives you something to hold.

[Scared21]

Shes not interested for whatever reason, move on

[SilverFactory]

Thanks Ryan.

 

I tried to send you a PM with the link to my profile but looks like you don't have Private Messaging enabled.

 

I believe there are two main reasons why I am not getting responses to my profile - 1) I am in my mid thirties 2) I am not an American guy.

 

There may be other reasons but I feel that those 2 are the most important ones. I just don't know how to get past that barrier.

[RyanJ]

Thanks Ryan.

 

I tried to send you a PM with the link to my profile but looks like you don't have Private Messaging enabled.

 

I believe there are two main reasons why I am not getting responses to my profile - 1) I am in my mid thirties 2) I am not an American guy.

 

There may be other reasons but I feel that those 2 are the most important ones. I just don't know how to get past that barrier.

 

Those are limiting beliefs. Not being an American guy can seem daunting but it's similar to thinking you can't do well because you're short or whatever.

 

I don't think I can receive private messages until I have a certain amount of posts, but if you want to email me: rjakovljevic[at]live[dot]ca

[SilverFactory]

Those are limiting beliefs. Not being an American guy can seem daunting but it's similar to thinking you can't do well because you're short or whatever.

 

I don't think I can receive private messages until I have a certain amount of posts, but if you want to email me: rjakovljevic[at]live[dot]ca

 

Thank you Ryan. I will email you....