Six dates so far but what's going on?

[DanDee]

I've been on six dates with a guy I met three weeks ago.

Everything seems to be going well although a few doubts have crept in over the past couple of days. Every date we've been on has been at his place, in the evenings and have involved fairly close contact - however nothing past kissing. He said he will wait because "I'm worth waiting for" apparently. But none have been during the day and only two of the dates involved no alcohol.

 

I'm beginning to like this guy and he does genuinely seem interested in getting to know me. Some of the things he says for example, inviting me to his families New Years Eve party, and texting me things such as "I'm gutted I didn't meet you when I first got here" (he moved to the town where I live about a year ago) and the other night he silently mumbled that he'd fallen 'hook, line and sinker'. Whether these are just 'lines' however, I've no idea.

 

I guess, I just don't know what's going on. Is he genuine or just using these flattering lines to get me into bed. I guess I'm pretty naive when it comes to guys and romance (if that's what this actually is). Also, what he says does seem rather forward for just six dates. I dunno...

 

Any help or advice would be appreciated.

[lila...]

It's hard to know so early on when you don't know a person very well yet, so really, the only thing you can do is wait before becoming intimate and see if he respects that. No sex until you're in a committed relationship. Ask to have dates elsewhere, outside of his place and during the day. Suggest going for a walk, the movies, anything really, and see how he reacts. Why haven't you had daytime dates? Are you both just busy?

[Batya33]

What have you suggested as far as having dates outside?

[StarGazer68]

I think you shouldn't write him off since there were two dates involving no alcohol and he isn't being pushy about sleeping with you. BUT, I don't think it's very spectacular that he doesn't take you out to dinner, movie or anything. The fact that he says "you are worth waiting for" makes me think he definitely has sex on the brain and is insinuating to let you know.

 

Best thing to do in your situation is to see if his actions match up to his words. If he really finds you so fascinating, he'll try to impress you and take you out to romance you without getting some booty at the end of the dates.

 

I understand about being naive. I can be too, but you have to trust your gut. You will eventually see what the deal is because if he really likes you, like I said, he will try impressing you with his actions and not his words. I've learned, through my own experience, that jerks throw out all those corny impressing lines while the guys that really are gentlemen take their time. Gentlemen do more impressing with their manners and actions on dates and they aren't so quick to say they are falling all over you. I think it's pretty interesting that he invited you to his family's new year's eve party....that's a month away...to ask someone who you went out with on 6 dates for an event a month away....it seems almost like an empty promise to me. But hey, I guess some people really like to plan ahead...?

 

You could just ask him what he is looking for and tell him what you are looking for. He may be honest.

[DanDee]

lila, yes very busy. I commute from my work to home so I get home about 7ish. He's busy too as a Navy medic.

 

Batya, well I suggested the cinema on our last date but he said that he hadn't heard very good reviews of this particular movie. Then he asked if I'd like to go to his and watch one of his. Although maybe a couple of weeks ago he suggested a the cinema but we ended up being late and not catching it in time.

 

I guess it's just a waiting game as you say lila, but I definitely don't intend on getting physical until I know he's sincere.

 

Edit: stargazer, thanks for your reply, very good advice. You have mentioned a few concerns of my own too in that it just seems a bit... much.

[Batya33]

I don't think you're setting the right tone as far as waiting to get physical- find times during the day where you can plan outdoor/public dates or at night -not just going to a movie, either. You also need to get to see how he is in various public situations.

[DanDee]

Absolutely, I agree. I'd really like to do something different with him and during the day too. I suppose when you've just had a long day, crashing out in front of a movie is the easiest option albeit not the wisest.

[StarGazer68]

No problem, DanDee! I think about how most guys who are serious about a girl and think she is "the one" or at least girlfriend material, don't start spouting sonnets so early on for fear that it could freak her out....I don't really know your situation though and how close you two have become off of 6 dates, but if you're feeling that it seems too much for the place where you both are at right now, then I'd trust that feeling and just be wary. A friend of mine loves to call out men when she thinks they are feeding her bs...she "playfully" and "jokingly" says comments such as: "come on, you've used that on some other girl before and it worked"...or "stop with the corny pick-up lines.. come on, my eyes are really beautiful?" and then watches how they react to it. If they think it's funny too and just kind of laugh it off, then she realizes they know their sneaky game. If they don't brush it off and laugh with her, but re-assert what they said....she takes them more seriously.

 

I agree with Batya. You may not be helping things out by only going to his place and hanging out at night. Try finding time to make with him for something in the day and definitely in public.

[Julia Durst]

You should set a line.

If he keep procrastinate and refuse to get in to a serious relationship then leave.