Advice would be amazing!

[circus]

Hi all. This is my story.

 

I'm 22 and my bf is 37. We have been together for a year and a half and have a 4 month old daughter. Basically, I was off studying doing something I loved when I found myself to be pregnant. As we had only been together 5/6 months, we thought best to terminate. However, actually being pregnant obviously makes you question your morals and I couldn't bring myself to do it, so we now have a gorgeous daughter.

 

Throughout the pregnancy, I was having doubts about our relationship but just put it down to being hormonal and stuck it out. My partner is a wonderful person, an amazing father and gives so much to the relationship. He is deeply in love with me.

 

I recently went on a trip for a week and came back really distant. I think it made me realise that my love is lost and I now see him as a friend. I love him so much because of his attributes but no longer feel that spark. I know this happens to many couples, and I can't work out if I'm just content with my relationship or if I just don't see him like that anymore.

 

While I was away, I met a guy who I really liked, and I keep in touch with. I never did anything with him, no cheating or anything, but I just think if I like this guy surely thats a sign I shouldnt be in my relationship. Maybe its because I was somewhere new and the experience was something that made me feel attracted to this new guy or maybe I genuinely like him. Obviously, we only knew each other a few days so I'm not reading into it too much but when I came back I found myself not being able to stop thinking about him. He likes me too. He hasn't pressured me or anything, he just wants to be friends until I am in a better position which is obviously what I want as I don't want to play away or hurt my boyfriend.

 

My bf knows everything because I felt so guilty and he could tell something was wrong. He looked through messages I had written to a friend about it all, which I really didnt appreciate but we now know that being honest was the best thing. He doesnt want me to visit this guy, which I can obviously understand, but even if I didn't visit him, I would still have the same feelings.

 

The thing that makes it hard is obviously the fact we have such a young baby, and I know people would think 'why the hell have a baby then?' but I can't change that now. When making that decision it was right at the time for us and I didnt think this would happen but now it has, hes completely heartbroken. I'm not leading him on, and I'm being true to how I feel but its just hard when he makes me feel guilty if I leave. I need to put my baby first but I can't be with someone I don't love.

 

I really don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice at all? I know it sounds like I'm completely treating him like * * * * e and I shoulda just forgot about this other guy, but I'm only human and I can't help how I feel. I don't want to live a lie, or lie to him and hurt him by not saying anything. At least its out in the open but it still doesnt make it any easier.

 

I just needed to get that off my chest but would really be grateful to anyone if they had any advice. Thanks

[lukeb]

Just because you met someone new is not a reason to leave someone, I think you are actually using both guys. The guy you made the baby with well, he'd do for the time being, but now that you met this other guy on a trip maybe the new guy would fit your needs better.

 

I can't tell you what to do, but that is how it reads, from what I can tell, both guys deserve better. Certainly the guy you are with now deserves someone who is committed to making the relationship work.

[pl3asehelp]

Just because you met someone new is not a reason to leave someone, I think you are actually using both guys. The guy you made the baby with well, he'd do for the time being, but now that you met this other guy on a trip maybe the new guy would fit your needs better.

 

I can't tell you what to do, but that is how it reads, from what I can tell, both guys deserve better. Certainly the guy you are with now deserves someone who is committed to making the relationship work.

 

Agreed. You should forget you met this new guy. Cut contact and erase him from your mind. After just having a baby, that should be your focus - not extramarital relationships. Your hormones are still all over the place and I would hope with a 4 month old that you're completely sleep deprived and not thinking clearly. Not a good time for connecting with men outside your relationship. Give it some time and if you're still not happy and really think your husband is the reason, then just get divorced, but I doubt that's going to make you happy. A 4 month old takes so much effort that you shouldn't really have anything left for a new relationship.

[Batya33]

For the sake of the baby, leave your boyfriend but put 100% effort into him being very involved with his daughter. And since your child is so young I'd wait to start dating again - get used to being a single mother (with an involved father of course!) and focus on your baby -she deserves that.

[RedDress]

If you ask any couple that has been married 50+ years, (if they are being honest), most will tell you that there were a few moments in there where they wondered what the heck they were doing with that person.

 

My opinion? If you leave someone every time you suddenly take a bit of a liking to someone else... you will be forever changing mates.

 

Cut contact with new dude and see what you can do to re-spark your relationship. That would be my advice.

[circus]

Thankyou. Can I just say I'm not married. I have broken up with my boyfriend because its not fair to him. He knows everything, which I felt was right.