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2 nights ago I made another attempt on my life. I cut my arms and legs up nothing to the point where i needed stitches because my dad found me before then. I have battled with depression for about 13yrs and atm this is the darkest place I have ever been in. I am scared and not sure if there really is a way out of this. Its scary I dont mean to hurt the people around me but mentally I cannot cope with the pain of everything. This past yr I've come out of a 3.5 yr relationship with a man that pushed me around, used me, abused me. when that ended i was vulnerable and my best friend at the time kept pushing to see me. So we ended up dating everything was good there until he bashed, chocked and almost killed me, then my nanna died. I still havent even cried over my nanna. I am going through an extremely stressful court case to do with my ex.


I want it to stop. Now Ive made a promise to everyone that I wont harm myself. But they all expect me to be strong. I dont want to be strong anymore.


is there hope? is there a way out of this dark place?

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There is hope. People who have been suffering with self harm for years can come out the other side, and be free from the grip self harm has on them.


Depression is another story, because it is quite a serious mental health illness, depending upon the severity, and it sounds like you're suffering quite severely, and it may be with how much you're suffering/have suffered with Depression is one reason you self harm, too.


And, the fact you've been abused and beaten and mentally further broken down from your ex's, I am not surprised you are feeling the way you do right now and I'm not at all surprised you've tried to end your life, I'm relieved that you were treated and are alive though, I think it'd be a tradgedy if you had died.


Promising people you won't harm yourself is near impossible to keep to that promise. You can't just suddenly stop especially when you are distressed like you are at the moment, I'm not saying you can go off and self harm now, but I am saying you may not be able to keep to this promise because for self harmers, they cope with life through harming themselves, and you're going through a lot right now.


The fact of the matter is, you are suffering from the aftermath of long term abuse, emotionally and physically, you are suffering from grief for your Nanna, you are battling Depression which has been long term, you're going through a court case that I suspect is to do with the abuse your ex put you through?, you're going through so much right now, and promising you won't harm yourself will be near impossible to stick to considering everything going on for you.


Can you tell the people who you've promised that you are feeling very vulnerable, very stressed, and feeling like you need a release with self harm. You're feeling suicidal, you're feeling very depressed, you feel as if there is no hope, no light in the dark place you're stuck in, tell them what you are feeling, tell them what's going on, they need to know, try to get them to understand how incredibly difficult it is right now to just get through another day.


Are you seeing anyone right now, professionally, for therapy, or on any meds?


I think maybe you'd benefit from therapy/meds.


I'm not going to down play how serious things are for you, sometimes people do this, and say it's not that bad, you can get through this, it's not as bad as you think, suicide isn't the answer to this, but in reality, what has happened to you and what you're going through - it IS that bad, and it may take a long time for you to recover from it all, but there is hope, you have to cling onto this hope and strength deep inside you, you have to cling on for dear life, because the reality of this situation is, you literally are clinging on for your life.


Keep holding onto hope and strength inside. You sound exceptionally strong and you're inspiriational to me, and probably others, too.


Considering how much you've gone through/going through, and yet you're still fighting and still trying? It's amazing.


Please keep it up. Please reach out for help. You could do this alone, but I wouldn't recommend it. You don't have to be alone in fighting this. You really don't.


Keep talking and posting, we're here.


Much love, and sending gentle hugs, lots of strength, and a candle of hope and light for the dark place you're in right now.

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