22n32 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Many know why I came on this board.. my ex she was a bit wild but so em I.. we were 2 peas in a pod... But she had many immature traits.. that I didn't like.. but the love, chemistry, Passion was there from day one.. So the new girl.. she is great, very mature thoughtful, caring towards me since I've known her.. she has the qualitys my ex didn't.. many would concedere her a good person to date.. I can't seem to feel any spark or intrest towards her.. I've told my self I'm just gonna date her take it slow, just get to know eachother no rush.. I wanted to experince things my ex didn't have if its something I would want.. She is so happy around me.. wants to date me.. and deep down I feel bad.. I don't wanna drag it out and hurt her.. but I feel like I'm dismising her early. Not giving her a chance.. but she annoys me at times.. I feel like an idot.. many guys would be lucky to have a quality girl.. But I miss the fire and Passion I shared with the ex. Were ever we went.. I don't know.. I keep seeing my ex presence of what we shared come around.. It's been 3 months. I'm over her..but when I date its never the fire of the ex.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alezia Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I think that's normal. Some people look great on paper, but you just don't have a spark with them. I often find that it is also very difficult to have an intense spark with someone else when you are freshly out of a relationship (less than 6 months). You tend to compare them unconsciously to the ex, and block yourself from really connecting with others. If you don't feel a spark after a few dates, you will most likely never feel one. I've had people which magically sparked interest after 2 months of casually knowing each other (wasn't even looking into dating them such as a coworker or classmate), but if it's someone you are already actively dating - I don't believe it will ever magically appear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Are you feeling you are still doing any of the below? Are you still pining over the ex which brought you here? Having unintentionally compare the new lady with your ex? Still hold your ex up on a pedestal in your mind? Sometimes when we love someone so much and never wanted to break up with them, we can still have a part of our hearts pining for them. Not that we want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I think you're holding a measuring stick directly next to this new girl in comparison to the ex girlfriend. It's sort of like comparing a boxer to an MMA fighter. So this new girl is falling short in areas that are perhaps not even among her strengths or attributes, although she has other ones. You need this to work too much and that's why it feels like it's not coming together as you had wished. ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 In comparing a new girl to the old, I worry you are not over the old. When you mature, what you need is different in a relationship. And when you mature sometimes you need less of that drama to feel a spark. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 In comparing a new girl to the old, I worry you are not over the old. When you mature, what you need is different in a relationship. And when you mature sometimes you need less of that drama to feel a spark. Not sure how that applies to my situtaion?????? In general I see what ur saying... My ex and I didn't have any drama the first yr of our Rel... The connection and chemistry, Passion.. came from how we interacted, way we talked, joked around with eachother.. how we looked and flirted and finished eachother sentence.. With the ex, that instead connection was there, and I'm not talking physical attraction.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 Maybe 3 months out. I'm just not ready to date... I've tried broading my thinking and going outside the box for a older, more mature lady.. But it feels like I'm settling.. not actually happy with it... And I don't wanna be one of those people in Rel, were there's no Passion, fire, love a soul mate. And end up truly not happy.. or seprated, or divorced.. I guess just keep healing. And dating... I feel I'm over the ex. I don't think about her at all during the day or wished she came back... I think about her. After I encounter all these mis connection from dates is when my mind wonders back to what we shared and how rare it was.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lalalollipops Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I think you're fixating too much on the lusty passion side of things. There's more to life than that. You need to realise that mental compatibility is more important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Not sure how that applies to my situtaion?????? In general I see what ur saying... My ex and I didn't have any drama the first yr of our Rel..... I said that because you said your ex had immature traits. If it doesn't apply, take it with a grain of salt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 If the breakup was really painful to you and you didn't really want to break up (as is your case), 3 months post breakup isn't really long enough to recover. You need to be dating very casually (and making that clear to your dates) until you are really genuinely emotionally available to another women. There's always a chance too that regardless how 'good' this new woman appears, she just isn't what you want/need. No one should take any new date/person seriously until you've date long enough to know them better, so don't allow yourself to be sucked into a GF/BF relationship until you have dated casually for a while and know for sure it is something that has potential to last. Most people jump into relationships too quickly and need to take it slower than they do (i.e., planning the wedding in their heads when they hardly know each other). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 I think you're fixating too much on the lusty passion side of things. There's more to life than that. You need to realise that mental compatibility is more important. Of course there is... but the passion, chemistry is very important to me in a SO... Im a very independent person and when im with a SO its nice to have that.. and someone understands me on a personal level.. even with the new girl.. somethings i say to her are above her head.. i just dont feel that click.. I said that because you said your ex had immature traits. If it doesn't apply, take it with a grain of salt. i know what ur saying.. i wasnt attack u.. i was just saying the attraction had nothing to do with immature traits.. and when i mature i need less immature traits to create a spark.. thats the beauty of it.. none of that immature traits came out first yr of the rel.. it was just a nautrual connection.. wasnt forced, wasnt looked for, just happened.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 I agree.. and i just might not be ready to date yet.. even though i feel that i am... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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