hopelost Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Just wanted to get input on this subject as my ex, since our BU a little over a month ago, has been essentially tied to hips of her close girlfriends. Could they be giving her toxic advice that ruins the chances of reconciliation? Helping support her decisions. A mutual friend of ours told me yesterday that my ex had put up a status on facebook indicating that her girlfriends are what puts a smile on her face and that she's never been happier. Should I take this as she's now sure about her decision to BU? I'm currently in LC with her which confuses matters even more for me. Some of her text messages to me send very mixed signals and I don't know how to take them. Just this past Saturday night she texted me saying "I hope you're having a great weekend. I just got home from work. I'm staying at my parent's tonight". I do still have hope for reconciliation, but I've refrained from talking about the relationship at all whenever I respond to her texts the last week and half. I'm not sure if I should open up a little and bring up where we both stand emotionally about the relationship without sounding needy. Link to comment
DN Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Her friends will be supporting her and her decision. I wouldn't put too much stock in what they say. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 No I don't think so. If her g/friends were giving her toxic advice, she wouldn't have text you saturday night. But in saying that they could be offering up their own opinions on it, as we all do. And her g/friends will be her support system so it's only natural that they will be gossiping about things. But it's a good sign that she text you, so maybe you could open up a little the next time. Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Who knows? Try not to worry about it. Even IF they are, there's not much you can do about it. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Were you a good guy? If so why would her friends put you down? If you weren't a good guy, why would she want to reconcile? Who dumped who? If she dumped you, simply ask where it stands between you. If she can't commit to working things out, you need to do whats healthiest for you. Usually that means going No Contact to heal. Link to comment
hausser Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Dude, generally speaking if she has single friends they will encourage her to be single, if you catch my drift. The LC is not good for you and I would refrain from any talk re where you stand as you will appear needy no doubt. The mixed messages usually spell one thing to me which kinda chimes with the going out a lot vibe, there's another guy on the scene. Not saying for definate for it is a real possibility. Link to comment
hopelost Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 For the most part, I'd say I was a good guy. We had our share of fights of course. She was the dumper. The text on Saturday just really confused me. I should also add that I don't initiate any of the text conversations anymore. Just last week on Tuesday, she texted that she wasn't happy and sad. And then yesterday she posts up a status that she's never been happier. I don't understand this. Link to comment
hausser Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 It's normal man, mine did the same. I take back what I said in my previous post about another guy too, doubt she would be contacting you at all if she was. Yeah that's a kind of random text if it was out of the blue. Humans want what they can't have and instinctivley try and grab it if moves away, hence why when us dumpees sense the dumpers fading we go crazy. Now is the time for you to reverse apply this. When she texts you, ignore it. For a day at least. Do not initiate contact. Delete FB and disappear. If there is any hope foir a recon at this time, this will maximise the chances of it happening. Don't do what a lot of us do and let them gradually fade us out then start going crazy and pushing them away. You are in that horrible BU phase where they don't know if they made the right choice or not. I had it done to me man it lasted weeks. Link to comment
hopelost Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 Part of me does sometimes wonder if there is another guy in the picture. Her girlfriends definitely don't have a shortage of guy friends with whom they can set her up with. It was a random text, specially because she initiated it. She also initiated contact 3 days last week prior to that text on Saturday night. I don't initiate the contact at all. My responses to her are generally short, but did I make a mistake by not showing enough sympathy when she was sad? I'm thinking now that maybe I should have dug deeper into that conversation instead of essentially just saying, I hope you feel better. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Nobody ultimately makes decisions for anybody else... even if her friends don't like you, she is the one who decides whether she will be with you or not, so it is pointless to speculate what her friends think/say since there is nothing you could do about it one way or another. We often tend to blame everyone around the ex except the ex for the breakup, because it is easier to believe someone else 'made' her do it rather than to accept it was her own free choice. So don't hate her friends when your ex-GF is the one who decided to go. If she really wanted to be with you, wild horses couldn't drag her away. Link to comment
hausser Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 There could well be another guy, and as I stated her single friends will encourage it. In fact slughtly off topic this is big difference i've noticed in men and womens social circles when they split up. Generally the male friends of the guy will still be receptive to the woman, but the female friends of the women will be chilly to the man. I've seen this happen time and time again. Ok so you're already being kind of aloof which is generally a good thing in your position. If she has a guy on the scene it won't make much difference, if she likes him, you will become an irrelevance to her, sad but true. But that's if she likes him enough. It happened to me when I was in your exact same position. TBH there's nothing wrong with asking her why she is still conacting you, considering you are technically not an item as it will do you no good if she has no intention of getting back, I wouldnt worry too much about the sympathy aspect, after all she dumped you. Don't let your grief fool you into thinking you've been a bad guy, when she was the one that dumped you it's an easy rut to get into. FYI mine pretty much did the same yours is doing, initiated contact, albeit at a much reduced volume for a few weeks after out "BU". I was expecting the usual begging and recon as had happened before, but this time it never came. Rather, she became more and more distant and before I knew it, I was begging her. The classic needy dumpee pushing the dumper away scenario. I fell right for it. Of course I found out later she had hooked back up with an old flame and thought they were getting serious, she was definatley besotted by him for sure. In reality, there is nothing you can really do to influence her coming back to you but IMO you can maximise your chances by disappearing. Being too available if she was the one who ended it is never a good thing. I learnt that the hard way. Don't forget at some point this person was attracted enough to you to be your partner. IMO you should ask her whats going on. Don't be too emptional about it, but at the end of the day frankly why should you waste your time waiting around for her? And your messge should kind of convey that. Link to comment
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