When will I be ready -- Responses appreciated!

[american dream]

Hi all,

I just got out of a long term (3.5 year) relationship that ended very badly. I would never get back together with my ex because of what she did, and I am still mad about it today (today is the 2 month mark of when we broke up). So I am not "waiting for her" or anything, but I have a big problem.

 

I have always been a very loving guy, and a very sexually excited guy, but recently I just dont care. I don't feel like I will ever love anyone again. I don't want to try either. I see this huge mountian ahead of me and I don't want to think about climbing it. I can't imagine starting all over again in a relationship and trying so hard again. I don't even get turned on by many girls, and even the 2 girls in the last 2 months who have turned me on for a moment I dismissed thinking they will only hurt me again. I know it is because of what I went through with my ex, but she has moved on (she monkey climbed over me to get with another guy) so why can't I? And it's not like I don't have a chance to meet a lot of women. I live in a big city, I work in a large office with a lot of women, I have friends over all the time and they bring over girls and I meet them and their friends, but I simply don't care to get to know them. I even joined two online dating services but everytime I get emailed from one of them I just delete it because the girls never seem up to snuff.

 

Any advice for when this might change? I have wanted to feel for someone else for like a month now but it simply is not there. I don't want to be alone or a hermit or anything, and it troubles me that I just don't give a ****.

[San123]

Give it more time... it will get better. That's probably not what you want to hear but it definantly helps the situation!

[tuffguy247]

Dude All I can say is that I feel for ya. I know that doesnt help but Im kinda in the same boat. I mean I attracted to some girls but thats all it is...The girls that i might are nothin compared to my ex and where she was in ur life..i know i shouldnt compare but what she offered is what I wanted so its ok to compare in my case. Just give it time I guess ...thats what people are tellin me.

 

Good Luck Man

[prevch]

same here man I am in the same situation completely. she will prolly come crawling back but give it time. You may not get back with her but think how gratifying it will be if she comes back begging

 

Seriously dude my situation is almost a carbon copy. she is prolly just going through a phase. Trust me dude, she thinks about you even when she is with this other dude.

[TallTex76]

I was with my ex-girlfriend for a little over six years, and we've now been broken up for a little over a year.

 

She has moved on and has been with a much younger guy for about a year (shortly after she broke up with me), and I have tried to do the same. I've had dates, physical stuff, etc, yet nobody can compare to my ex. While I know you can't compare two people, and it's wrong to do so, you can compare how they make you feel about yourself. I truly felt as though my ex completed me as a person, and we complemented each other by bringing traits to the relationship that the other person lacked. I was able to stand by her for years, even through the crappy things she would occasionally do to me, because I truly valued this person more than anything else. My only problem was I never showed it enough, and, when times got tough, I never fought hard to sustain the relationship and actually marry her.

 

While I've gotten better from the initial breakup, I still miss her greatly. And while my pride would love to reject her if she ever came back, I'm not sure that my heart would allow it.

 

The bottom line is that I, or nobody else for that matter, can tell you anything that will make you feel better. Only you know how you feel about the situation and only you can take the action you deem appropriate. I've been in your boat for a longer period of time, so I won't BS you about things getting better. Frankly there are no promises. While chances state that in all probability you'll find someone even better, there is also the possibility that you won't. My only suggestion would be to use your downtime to better yourself as a person. Try to get another degree, pick up a new hobby, etc etc...Something that will enrich your own life. I won't knock you for waiting around for her, even if it's on a subconscious level, because only you know what's in your heart. I just wrote my ex the other night to tell her that I still love her, and miss having her by my side, despite the fact that she's soon to be living with her bf. Will that provide humor for her and her friends, that I haven't moved on? Probably... But I don't care! And when it comes to your situation, you should do what you feel is appropriate. You are the captain of your own ship...

 

I hope things get better for you!