My friend's cancer has come back

[im sandra dee]

Two and a half years ago I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer and I met three other women diagnosed with breast cancer at a support group. We became good friends and see each other often and provide support to one another. They are amazing and wonderful women!

 

One of these ladies recently had a recurrence. The worst kind -- her cancer has spread. She hasn't told me her prognosis but has told me that it isn't good. I am afraid and I wish that I knew what I could do for her. I've offered to drive her to appointments -- she told me that she'll be having treatments. And I've offered to listen if she wants to talk. But I wish that I could do more. She is always in my thoughts and in my prayers and I wish that she didn't have to go through this.

 

I have been depressed for the past two weeks with a family situation that has been very stressful. And now this. I want to be stronger for her but all I feel like doing is crying. I want to pick up the phone and call her or maybe text or email her but I feel like I'm falling apart.

 

I have an appointment booked early next week with a social worker at the cancer centre where I received my treatments to talk about my feelings -- this has really affected me. When I learned about my friend's news, all of the same feelings that I had when I was first diagnosed returned.

 

I have an appointment booked the following week with a social worker at my family doctor's office to talk about my family problems with my sister and how it has affected me. I also hope to discuss with this social worker, the issues I have pertaining to my selection of men for dating or a relationship. In due time. One thing at a time. I am currently seeing a man but I am not confident that he is right for me. He pressured me into seeing him even when I told him that I wasn't feeling well. I had a sore throat two weeks ago that turned into a runny nose and then a cough and I have had major fatigue. I told him all this but he kept saying that I was making excuses. Then I had a second sore throat and this time swollen glands so I went to the doctor and he started me on antibiotics. Clearly my body is trying to fight an infection and now finally this man is realizing that I was sick all along and I'm still sick -- he realized this because he got sick too with a sore throat. I don't like going to his house anymore because his house is too cold. I feel like I am in a freezer when I'm there. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. If he pressures me again, then I will end things for good with him. I don't even know why I'm giving him a chance, I know that I should end things now -- but honestly I feel that I need therapy to help me sort through a few things and figure things out.

[chitown9]

The good news, Sandra Dee, is that you recognize the problem and realize that it has affected you adversely and then you took action and did something about it. Seeking the professional help that you did was a wonderful step in the right direction. It is the best thing that you could have done for yourself. You have a lot on your plate and are overwelmed. It helps to talk to someone who will actively listen to you and offer you some insight.....

[tiredofvampires]

I agree with chi and don't have too much to add to it, except that as a result of your dialogues with the therapist, I hope you extricate yourself from this man as soon as you can. Anyone who doesn't treat you with the utmost care for your well-being needs to be dropped. This is not even a grey area.

 

Aside from that, I know this has nothing to do with your question, but unless a doctor does a swab for strep throat and it comes out positive, there is no reason to be taking antibiotics. Antibiotics don't kill viruses, they only kill bacteria, and it sounds like you have a very typical upper respiratory viral infection. Unnecessary antibiotics are harmful and can cause gastrointestinal and gyn problems.

 

Take care of yourself first, or you can't be of any help to your friend.

[im sandra dee]

I agree with chi and don't have too much to add to it, except that as a result of your dialogues with the therapist, I hope you extricate yourself from this man as soon as you can. Anyone who doesn't treat you with the utmost care for your well-being needs to be dropped. This is not even a grey area.

 

Aside from that, I know this has nothing to do with your question, but unless a doctor does a swab for strep throat and it comes out positive, there is no reason to be taking antibiotics. Antibiotics don't kill viruses, they only kill bacteria, and it sounds like you have a very typical upper respiratory viral infection. Unnecessary antibiotics are harmful and can cause gastrointestinal and gyn problems.

 

Take care of yourself first, or you can't be of any help to your friend.

 

My doctor took a swab but told me that he won't have the results until Monday. He said that he doesn't want to wait (I saw him yesterday) and he wants to start treatment because this is the second sore throat I've had in one month. I plan to call the doctor's office on Monday to ask for the test results.

 

You're right that I need to take care of myself first and I have been doing that because I am motivated by one thought: I need to be well to help my friend. When I told her that I'd be there for her, she said that she'd be there for me too and I responded by saying don't worry about me, I'm okay but that wasn't true. I didn't want to tell her anything about the problems I've been having because her problems are bigger. I'm going to pull myself together.

[chitown9]

When I told her that I'd be there for her' date=' she said that she'd be there for me too and I responded by saying don't worry about me, I'm okay but that wasn't true. I didn't want to tell her anything about the problems I've been having because her problems are bigger. [/quote']

 

Sandra Dee, you are one great lady with a big heart. That is what love about this site...so many good people....chi

[im sandra dee]

Sandra Dee, you are one great lady with a big heart. That is what love about this site...so many good people....chi

 

Thank you. I am aware that although I have issues that are overwhelming me at the moment, my crises with my infection, my family problems, my "relationship" problems, etc., will pass in a few weeks or so but my friend's crisis will only get worse. She doesn't need to hear my problems too -- the time I spend with her should be all about her and making the most of the time we have together.

[im sandra dee]

Anyone who doesn't treat you with the utmost care for your well-being needs to be dropped. This is not even a grey area.

 

tov, he claims to care for my well-being but his needs are his priority. Knowing that I'm sick, he called me earlier to pressure me to see him today. I declined his invite. I've been trying to sort through my feelings about him and our situation since I went to his house earlier this week. I took note of something small but I think significant. He had offered to make me tea knowing that I haven't been feeling one hundred percent. I didn't want tea but instead asked for a glass of gingerale and I informed him that I drink gingerale when I'm sick. Well, he gave me my glass of gingerale and I took a sip and then a few minutes later, he drank from my glass. And then again later and then again. Not once, not twice but several times. That one small action showed me how little he cares about me because I asked for gingerale to help me feel better and what does he do, he drinks it himself. Why couldn't he pour himself his own glass? I can't imagine ever asking someone what I can give them to feel better and then drink it myself. Either he is crazy or I'm crazy because I think this is nuts!