she isn't a frequent texter... should I be worried about the interest level

[Deejmonster]

Met a girl online, she came to me.. we started emailing each other but with some time in between. I gave her my number and didn't hear from here in a few days and thought maybe I moved too soon...then the other day I get a random text out of the blue from her wanting to chat.. we talk, we eventually stop for the night in order to go to sleep... the next day, I wait most of the day and don't hear from her, and so I text her and she gets back to me an hour later saying that she was swimming/at the gymn, again we text until I leave work in which I was going to bed when I got home. Throughout the texts I have recieved smile faces once and a while and has for the most part been engaged in our converasation, asking questions and what not to keep things going. A few days back I asked her to coffee, she agreed and when I would ask if we were still on, she would say something like "yeah definitely" or "yeah I would really like that" We agreed that tomorrow would be the best day due to our schedules, but she didn't give me a time. She just said that she would let me know when it came closer.... I haven't heard from her all day, and I do know she is having a "girls night" tonight so I see why she isn't texting... but I also don't want to intrude and ask AGAIN if we are still on for tomorrow because I have brought it up before and she told me we were still on.. so I don't want to be a nag... but my question is, is she letting me off easy? or is she really a girl who is busy and doesn't text much? My last two girlfriends were textoholics, so it kinda has gotten me to be the same way.. and im not sure if what she is doing is normal. thanks everyone...

 

 

Deejmonster

[LDRohnos]

Sorry if I overlooked this but really hate blocks of text and they're so hard to read.

 

Did you ever meet this girl yet in reality? If not I wouldn't push too hard. It could just be that she's afraid of the first date...sometimes people can, exaggerate themselves online...then when it comes down to getting to meet someone they're apprehensive.

[UniqueSoul]

you def just have to wait this one out. see if your plans work out! if they dont, then maybe she is letting you down "easy." but dont jump to conclusions and dont keep bothering her. i know how difficult it is being with someone who isnt as much as a texter as you are. i went from dating a guy who texted me AALLLL the time, to currently dating someone who i dont text very much. in time, you just have to trust your partner and their feelings.

[hers]

i see no problem here.

 

a lot of people don't like to text. what's the big deal in that? some people do in fact prefer to talk on the phone or in person.

[Deejmonster]

update... we set a date of today, and I got a text early this morning with her cancelling, and she asked if "we" could take a rain check. For some reason, I feel like when she said "we" she meant that she really did want a rain check and not just to blow me off. She said she got sick and didnt sleep half the night... do you guys think I got blown off or do you think it was genuine that she was sick? she called me and texted me last night to see when we wanted to meet... so I am not sure.. she doesn't seem like the type.. but you never know..

[camus154]

Move on, she's blowing you off.

 

Don't worry, there are many more women out there. For the future, I wouldn't worry so much about one girl and one date. You're the catch, remember?

[hers]

I still don't see where she's blowing you off

 

Is picking up the phone and calling her not an option?

[camus154]

I still don't see where she's blowing you off

 

Is picking up the phone and calling her not an option?

 

She was wishy-washy about making plans til the last minute, and then when they finally did make plans she broke them. All before the first date.

 

That's a textbook blow-off.

[Deejmonster]

She is sleeping. I don't want to think she was blowing me off... and thats why I was asking... I felt like if she was, she wouldnt have called me last night to set everything up... just to tell me later on that she wasnt interested.. seemed way too counter productive... and when she texted me this morning, she asked if "we" could take a raincheck, I feel like if she wanted to blow me off she would have asked that "I" take a rain check. I guess it just comes with many stories of who someone isn't interested, and just cancels at last minute... I just am trying to find out if this is one of those scenarios. I figured that when it comes closer to noon I will reach out to her and see how she is feeling, maybe brew up a conversation and see if she continues to talk to me..

 

@hers - is it a possibility that she just isnt ready to make a date and maybe wants to get to know me more? We have been talking for over a week... and when I do talk to her... should I press the issue and try and make another date? or just give it a few days?

 

thanks for the help everyone

 

Deejmonster

[Deejmonster]

The other reason why I don't feel like she is blowing me off is because yesterday, I didn't talk to her all day, I knew that if we were still on for our date, we would have to talk at some point to get a time when we wanted to meet... and she called me + texted me the information and conversational stuff... after a whole day of not talking... if she didn't want to go out... why did she call/text? She could have left it at that... silence...

[camus154]

Of course you don't want to think she's blowing you off, and of course you're reading the "we" as she really wanted a rain check. That's your ego talking!

 

Maybe she isn't blowing you off, maybe she is. But DON'T KEEP REACHING OUT TO HER. She broke plans with you, remember? Why are YOU going to contact her?

 

You're making yourself way too available to this woman. She's in the dog house right now, not you. It's up to her to show that she's still interested, you don't need to be fishing to find that out.

 

Don't take this the wrong way, but personally I think you're approaching all of this from the wrong mindset. You're worrying about her texting frequency, you're vague when it comes to making plans and you accept her noncommittal replies. You might as well be screaming at her, "I have nothing else going on, so I'm perfectly ok with waiting around by the phone while you live your busy life, hoping that at some point you drop a spare moment or two for me." That will never, ever ever be an attractive stance to a woman (or to anyone, really).

[hers]

I've been sick and had to cancel dates before with guys I like.

 

You can't assume you know what's going on with her bc others on a message board are telling you what you think you already know. You can only be sure by talkig to her

[Deejmonster]

thats what I plan on doing... but how should I bring it up? I don't want to seem this insecure and unstable this early on.. I would like to see a first or second date lol

[camus154]

You ARE this insecure and unstable this early on. That's a reality, not a perception.

 

Question--wasn't she having a girl's night out last night? And now today she canceled plans because she was "sick"?

[Deejmonster]

I talked to her... she was feeling sick. I flat out told her that it seemed strange that she would do this and told her it looked like she was blowing me off... and it she was.. I didn't want any part of it.. she responded telling me that it wasn't her trying to let me down easy, she is genuinely interested but is a little nervous about the whole meeting online thing.. but does want to meet.. just is a little nervous.. so I told her that maybe we need to talk and get to know each other more and see where it goes, and its looking more positive. Its just something that I need to keep an eye on I guess.. and if it continues, I may need to reconsider my stance with her... but for now we still talking.

[camus154]

This seems like a whole lot of effort and guessing and talking just to make one first date. Just my 2 cents.

 

I'm still curious how she was having a girl's night out last night and then suddenly was sick today. Good luck.

[hers]

People who are new to online dating usually feel nervous and hesitant. It's normal. Just try getting to know her through phone and email so she begins yo feel more comfortable.

[thehardestpart]

LOL @ everyone in this thread. Especially big LOL @ the dude who lives his life by the list of 'text book' blow-offs.

 

She's blowing him off because she is sick?

 

I have bad luck of things coming up before important dates most of the time. You people should trust in others a little bit more and give them credit. I doubt she would still keep on talking to you if she wasn't interested.

 

And I've actually had people flip out and being like 'if you're not interested then just tell me!', and that's when I'm like 'whoa'. Personally I get offended when this happens. Here I am, sick as a dog, and you're dogging on me for not being able to get my deathly sick ass off the bed to go see you. * * * * off.

[Deejmonster]

She wasn't attracted to me I could tell... She was home on school vacation and was bored so she needed someone to talk to until she got back to school. I don't think she ever had any intentions of dating... she was just using me to fill the void of needing someone to talk to. I cut that a while ago and once she got back to school... she never once picked up the phone to text me again. No skin off my back.