worryeveryday Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Hi, I am just new on here tonight, I have a problem with my boyfriend, until Tuesday I thought we had the perfect relationship, (as perfect as mine go, I am very insecure, suffer OCD behaviour, over thinking and major general anxiety) we have been dating from last year and got off to a slow start with me not knowing what I wanted. But since officially together we have been what I thought the perfect couple. We had a tough start to the year with his younger brother dying as a result of suicide, although we had only been together a matter of 5 months and a great strain on the relationship as I was trying to help him come to terms with his death and also see the impact I could have had on my family had I gone through with it a few years ago we decided to be honest with each other about everything, we have spoke about everything, feelings, ex partners, previous one night stands, strip clubs (I HATE THEM and have major trust issues regarding them) future plans on travelling, children and marriage. I thought on a whole I found the guy of my dreams (he can be insecure at times too and have trust issues due to being cheated on in a previous relationship). As I said before I have major trust issues and insecurities, I ask a million questions in a day about things I already know the answer to but can't seem to stop myself (my OCD behaviour) however this guy seems to just get it. Ok so how it came about that our relationship has a flaw, due to my nature I ask things like do you swear on my life we have been honest about everything with each other, there is nothing you are hiding from me? Turns out I found him secretly opening a letter, when I asked what it was he said nothing (so unlike him as I have felt up until then he has told me everything) I asked again and he said private, after flying off the handle he then tells me its a credit card bill for a few thousand pounds. I feel so devastated as I felt we shared everything with each other. So auto matically I assume he's spent it on something he doesn't want me to know about or a secret life. We spend pretty 24/7 with each other so I know it's not that. ok more info on why this has hurt me, when his brother died it was discoverd he had a few debts racked up on credit cards and his girlfriend knew nothing about it, she said to us, 'please you two just be honest about everything when it comes to problems you have', and I asked him then did he have any debts he said no. He also about a month after his brothers death told me his mum had once lied about money to his dad (another reason I don't understand why he didn't tell me) So basically my problem with this situation is why didnt he tell me about it? From sitting down and speaking about it he tells me he wracked up the debts a couple years ago while drinking and online gambling and just never paid it off. (he used to remind me to pay my credit card off each month so again its strange why he didn't tell me he had one) He has sworn he will be honest about everything from now on (and apart from the credit card I have no reason to believe he is a liar - am a pretty good detective and if something doesnt feel right I follow my gut) and I have managed to get him to switch it to a interest free credit card and cancel all his online gambling accounts. He has shown me his credit card statements for the past 3 months as from what I can see on the site thats as far back as it will let us look, it appears he has only been paying a little over the interest each month so basically he has not been paying any of it off. He has a pretty decent job and a few thousand in savings. so why has this credit card not been paid off??? Should I worry about this or accept his reason of he wracked it up a couple years ago while drinking heavily and gambling, and when he met me he just felt it would all go away? He has been in a right mess since I have found out, crying and asking me to help him (not financially) figure out how to pay it off i.e switching it and getting the best deal and maybe using some of his savings to pay it off quicker. I love this guy but due to my anxiety and trust issues am just struggling with will I get over the fact he lied and kept this from me. I have discussed with him how hurt I am and how I worry I will not be able to forgive him for lying. He says it was his problem to fix and didnt want to add another on to me. SHOULD I BELIEVE HIM Please help me Link to comment
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